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Title: The works of the Rev. John Wesley, Vol. 10 (or 32)
Author: Wesley, John
Language: English
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The Works of the
Rev. John Wesley, M.A.
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THE
WORKS
OF THE
Rev. JOHN WESLEY, M.A.
Late Fellow of _Lincoln-College_, OXFORD.
VOLUME X.
BRISTOL:
Printed by WILLIAM PINE, in _Wine-Street_.
MDCCLXXII.
THE
CONTENTS
Of the TENTH VOLUME.
_Serious thoughts occasioned by the late Earthquake at Lisbon._
_A Collection of Forms of Prayer for every Day in the week._
_A Collection of Prayers for Families._
_An Address to the Clergy._
_A short Account of the Death of_ Thomas Hitchens.
_A short Account of the Death of_ Samuel Hitchens.
_A short Account of the Life and Death of_ Nathanael Othen.
_Some Account of the Life and Death of_ Matthew Lee.
_Extract of the Life and Death of Mr._ John Janeway.
_Extract of the Life and Death of Mr._ Thomas Haliburton.
Illustration: (‡ decoration)
SERIOUS THOUGHTS
Occasioned by the late
Earthquake at _LISBON_.
_Tua res agitur, paries quum proximus ardet._
THINKING men generally allow that the greater part of modern Christians
are not more virtuous than the antient Heathens: perhaps less so;
since public spirit, love of our country, generous honesty and simple
truth, are scarce any where to be found. On the contrary, covetousness,
ambition, various injustice, luxury and falshood in every kind, have
infected every rank and denomination of people, the clergy themselves
not excepted. Now they who believe there is a God are apt to believe,
he is not well pleased with this. Nay, they think, he has intimated it
very plainly, in many parts of the Christian world. How many hundred
thousand men have been swept away by war, in _Europe_ only, within half
a century? How many thousands, within little more than this, hath the
earth opened her mouth and swallowed up? Numbers sunk at _Port-Royal_,
and rose no more. Many thousands went quick into the pit at _Lima_.
The whole city of _Catanea_ in _Sicily_, and every inhabitant of it
perished together. Nothing but heaps of ashes and cinders shew where
it stood. Not so much as one _Lot_ escaped out of _Sodom_!
And what shall we say of the late accounts from _Portugal_? That some
thousand houses, and many thousand persons are no more! That a fair
city is now in ruinous heaps. Is there indeed a God that judges the
world? And is he now making inquisition for blood? If so, it is not
surprizing, he should begin there, where so much blood has been poured
on the ground like water? Where so many brave men have been murdered,
in the most base and cowardly, as well as barbarous manner, almost
every day, as well as every night, while none regarded or laid it to
the heart. “Let them hunt and destroy the precious life, so we may
secure our stores¹ of gold and precious stones.” How long has their
blood been crying from the earth? Yea, how long has that bloody _house
of mercy_², the scandal not only of all religion, but even of human
nature, stood to insult both heaven and earth? _And shall I not visit
for these things, saith the Lord? Shall not my soul be avenged of such
a city as this?_
¹ Merchants who have lived in _Portugal_ inform us, that the
king had a large building filled with diamonds: and more
gold stored up, coined and uncoined, than all the other
princes of _Europe_ together.
² The title which the _Inquisition_ of Portugal (if not in
other countries also) takes to itself.
It has been the opinion of many, that even this nation has not been
without some marks of God’s displeasure. Has not war been let loose
even within our own land, so that _London_ itself felt the alarm? Has
not a pestilential sickness broken in upon our cattle, and in many
parts, left not one of them alive? And although the earth does not yet
open in _England_ or _Ireland_, has it not shook, and reeled to and fro
like a drunken man? And that not in one or two places only, but almost
from one end of the kingdom to the other?
Perhaps one might ask, Was there nothing uncommon, nothing more than
is usual at this season of the year, in the rains, the hail, the
winds, the thunder and lightning, which we have lately heard and seen?
Particularly, in the storm which was the same day and hour, that they
were playing off _Macbeth_’s thunder and lightning at the theatre. One
would almost think they designed this (inasmuch as the entertainment
continued, notwithstanding all the artillery of heaven) as a formal
answer to that question, “Canst thou thunder with an arm like him?”
What shall we say to the affair of _♦Whitson Cliffs_? Of which were
it not for the unparalleled stupidity of the _English_, all _England_
would have rang long ago, from one sea to another. And yet seven miles
from the place, they knew little more of it in _May_ last, than if it
had happened in _China_ or _Japan_.
♦ “Whiston” replaced with “Whitson” per Errata
The fact (of the truth of which any who will be at the pains of
enquiring, may soon be satisfied) is this. On _Tuesday, March 25th_
last, being the week before _Easter_, many persons heard a great noise
near a ridge of mountains called _Black Hamilton_ in _Yorkshire_. It
was observed chiefly on the south west side of the mountain, about a
mile from the course where the _Hamilton_ races are run, near a ledge
of rocks, commonly called _♦Whitson Cliffs_, two miles from _Sutton_,
and about five from _Thirsk_.
The same noise was heard on _Wednesday_ by all who went that way. On
_Thursday_, about seven in the morning, _Edward Abbot_, weaver, and
_Adam Bosomworth_, bleacher, both of _Sutton_, riding under _♦Whitson
Cliffs_, heard a _roaring_ (so they termed it) like many cannons, or
loud and rolling thunder. It seemed to come from the cliffs: looking
up to which, they saw a large body of stone, four or five yards broad,
split and fly off from the very top of the rock. They thought it
strange, but rode on. Between ten and eleven, a larger piece of the
rock, about fifteen yards thick, thirty high, and between sixty and
seventy broad, was torn off and thrown into the valley.
About seven in the evening, one who was riding by, observed the ground
to shake exceedingly, and soon after several large stones or rocks of
some tons weight each, rose out of the ground. Others were thrown on
one side, others turned upside down, and many rolled over and over.
Being a little surprized, and not very curious, he hasted on his way.
On _Friday_ and _Saturday_ the ground continued to shake, and the rocks
to roll over one another. The earth also clave asunder in very many
places, and continued so to do till _Sunday_ morning.
Being at _Osmotherly_, seven miles from the cliffs, on _Monday, June 1_,
and finding _Edward Abbot_ there, I desired him the next morning to
shew me the way thither. I walked, crept and climbed round and over
great part of the ruins. I could not perceive by any sign, that there
was ever any cavity in the rock at all; but one part of the solid stone
is cleft from the rest, in a perpendicular line, and as smooth as if
cut with instruments. Nor is it barely thrown down, but split into many
hundred pieces, some of which lie four or five hundred yards from the
main rock.
The ground nearest the cliff, is not raised, but sunk considerably
beneath the level. But at some distance it is raised in a ridge of
eight or ten yards high, twelve or fifteen broad, and near an hundred
long. Adjoining to this lies an oval piece of ground thirty or forty
yards in diameter, which has been removed whole as it is, from beneath
the cliff, without the least fissure, with all its load of rocks,
some of which were as large as the hull of a small ship. At a little
distance is a second piece of ground, forty or fifty yards across,
which has been also transplanted intire, with rocks of various sizes
upon it, and a tree growing out of one of them. By the removal of one
or both of these, I suppose the hollow near the cliff was made.
All round them lay stones and rocks, great and small, some on the
surface of the earth, some half sunk into it, some almost covered,
in variety of positions. Between these the ground was cleft asunder,
in a thousand places. Some of the apertures were nearly closed again,
some gaping as at first. Between thirty and forty acres of land, as is
commonly supposed, (tho’ some reckon above sixty) are in this condition.
On the skirts of these, I observed in abundance of places, the green
turf (for it was pasture land) as it were pared off, two or three
inches thick, and wrapt round like sheets of lead. A little farther it
was not cleft or broken at all, but raised in ridges, five or six foot
long, exactly resembling the graves in a church-yard. Of these there is
a vast number.
That part of the cliff from which the rest is torn, lies so high
and is now of so bright a colour, that it is plainly visible to all
the country round, even at the distance of several miles. We saw it
distinctly not only from the street in _Thirsk_, but for five or six
miles after, as we rode toward _York_. So we did likewise, in the great
North road, between _Sandhutton_ and _Northallerton_.
But how may we account for this phenomenon? Was it effected by a merely
natural cause? If so, that cause must either have been fire, water, or
air. It could not be fire; for then some mark of it must have appeared,
either at the time, or after it. But no such mark does appear, nor ever
did: not so much as the least smoke, either when the first or second
rock was removed, or in the whole space between _Tuesday_ and _Sunday_.
It could not be water; for no water issued out, when the one or the
other rock was torn off. Nor had there been any rains for some time
before. It was in that part of the country a remarkable dry season.
Neither was there any cavity in that part of the rock, wherein a
sufficient quantity of water might have lodged. On the contrary, it
was one, single, solid mass, which was evenly and smoothly cleft in
sunder.
There remains no other natural cause assignable, but imprisoned air. I
say, _imprisoned_: for as to the fashionable opinion, that the exterior
air is the grand agent in earthquakes, it is so senseless, unmechanical,
unphilosophical a dream, as deserves not to be named, but to be
exploded. But it is hard to conceive, how even imprisoned air could
produce such an effect. It might indeed shake, tear, raise or sink the
earth, but how could it cleave a solid rock? Here was not room for a
quantity of it, sufficient to do any thing of this nature; at least,
unless it had been suddenly and violently expanded by fire, which
was not the case. Could a small quantity of air, without that violent
expansion, have torn so large a body of rock from the rest, to which it
adhered in one solid mass? Could it have shivered this into pieces, and
scattered several of those pieces, some hundred yards round? Could it
have transported those promontories of earth, with their incumbent load,
and set them down unbroken, unchanged at a distance? Truly I am not
so great a volunteer in faith, as to be able to believe this. He that
supposes this, must suppose air to be not only very strong, (which we
allow) but a very wise agent; while it bore its charge with so great
caution, as not to hurt or dislocate any part of it.
What then could be the cause? What indeed, but God, who arose to shake
terribly the earth: who purposely chose such a place, where there is
so great a concourse of nobility and gentry every year; and wrought in
such a manner, that many might see it and fear, that all who travel one
of the most frequented roads in _England_, might see it, almost whether
they would or no, for many miles together. It must likewise for many
years, maugre all the art of man, be a visible monument of his power.
All that ground being now so incumbered with rocks and stones, that it
cannot be either ploughed or grazed. Nor can it well serve any use, but
to tell all that see it, Who can stand before this great God?
Who can account for the late motion in the waters? Not only that of
the sea, and rivers communicating therewith, but even that in canals,
fishponds, cisterns, and all either large or small bodies of water? It
was particularly observed, that while the water itself was so violently
agitated, neither did the earth shake at all, nor any of the vessels
which contained that water. Was such a thing ever known or heard of
before! I know not, but it was spoken of once, near eighteen hundred
years ago, in those remarkable words, “There shall be σεισμοί (not
only _earthquakes_, but various _concussions_ or _shakings_) in divers
places.” And so there have been in _Spain_, in _Portugal_, in _Italy_,
in _Holland_, in _England_, in _Ireland_; and not improbably in many
other places too, which we are not yet informed of. Yet it does not
seem, that a concussion of this kind, has ever been known before, since
either the same, or some other comet revolved so near the earth. For
we know of no other natural cause in the universe, which is adequate to
such an effect. And that this is the real cause, we may very possibly
be convinced in a short time.
But alas! why should we not be convinced sooner, while that conviction
may avail, that it is not chance which governs the world? Why should
we not now, before _London_ is as _Lisbon_, _Lima_, or _Catanea_,
acknowledge the hand of the Almighty, arising to maintain his own
cause? Why, we have a general answer always ready, to screen us
from any such conviction: “All these things are purely natural and
accidental; the result of natural causes.” But there are two objections
to this answer: first, it is untrue; secondly, it is uncomfortable.
First, If by affirming, “All this is purely natural,” you mean, it
is not providential, or that God has nothing to do with it, this is
not true, that is, supposing the bible to be true. For supposing this,
you may discant ever so long on the natural causes of murrain, winds,
thunder, lightning, and yet you are altogether wide of the mark, you
prove nothing at all, unless you can prove, that God never works in or
by natural causes. But this you cannot prove, nay none can doubt of his
so working, who allows the scripture to be of God. For this asserts in
the clearest and strongest terms, that _all things_ (in nature) _serve
him_: that (by or without a train of natural causes) he _sendeth his
rain on the earth_, that he _bringeth the winds out of his treasures_,
and _maketh a way for the lightning and the thunder_: in general,
that _fire and hail, snow and vapour, wind and storm fulfil his word_.
Therefore allowing there are natural causes of all these, they are
still under the direction of the Lord of nature. Nay, what is nature
itself but the art of God? Or God’s method of acting in the material
world? True philosophy therefore ascribes all to God, and says in the
beautiful language of the wise and good man,
Here, like a trumpet, loud and strong,
_Thy_ thunder shakes our coast;
While the red lightnings wave along,
The banners of _thy host_.
A second objection to your answer is, it is extremely uncomfortable.
For if things really be as you affirm, if all these afflictive
incidents, entirely depend on the fortuitous concourse and agency of
blind, material causes; what hope, what help, what resource is left,
for the poor sufferers by them? Should the murrain among the cattle
continue a few years longer, and consequently produce scarcity or
famine; what will there be left for many of the poor to do, but to lie
down and die? If tainted air spread a pestilence over our land, where
shall they fly for succour? They cannot resist either the one or other.
They cannot escape from them. And can they hope to appease
_Illacrymabilem Plutona?_
“Inexorable _Pluto_, king of shades?”
Shall they intreat the famine or the pestilence to shew mercy? Alas,
they are as senseless as you suppose God to be.
However, you who are men of fortune can shift tolerably well, in spite
of these difficulties. Your money will undoubtedly procure you food
as long as there is any in the kingdom. And if your physicians cannot
secure you from the epidemic disease, your coaches can carry you from
the place of infection. Be it so: but you are not out of all danger yet;
unless you can drive faster than the wind. Are you sure of this? And
are your horses literally swifter than the lightning? Can they leave
the panting storm behind? If not, what will you do when it overtakes
you? Try your eloquence on the whirlwind? Will it hear your voice?
Will it regard either your money, or prayers, or tears? Call upon the
lightning. Cry aloud. See whether _your_ voice will _divide the flames
of fire_? O no! It hath no ears to hear. It devoureth and sheweth no
pity.
But this is not all. Here is a nearer enemy. The earth threatens to
swallow you up. Where is your protection now? What defence do you find
from thousands of gold and silver? You cannot fly; for you cannot quit
the earth, unless you will leave your dear body behind you. And while
you are on the earth, you know not where to flee to, neither where to
flee from. You may buy intelligence, where the shock was yesterday, but
not where it will be to-morrow――to-day. It comes! The roof trembles!
The beams crack. The ground rocks to and fro. Hoarse thunder resounds
from the bowels of the earth. And all these are but the beginning of
sorrows. Now what help? What wisdom can prevent? What strength resist
the blow? What money can purchase, I will not say, deliverance, but
an hour’s reprieve? Poor honourable fool, where are now thy titles?
Wealthy fool, where is now thy golden god? If any thing can help, it
must be prayer. But what wilt thou pray to? Not to the God of heaven:
you suppose him to have nothing to do with earthquakes. No: they
proceed in a meerly natural way, either from the earth itself, or from
included air, or from subterraneous fires on waters. If thou prayest
then (which perhaps you never did before) it must be to some of these.
Begin. “O earth, earth, earth, hear the voice of thy children. Hear,
O air, water, fire!” And will they hear? You know, it cannot be. How
deplorable then is his condition, who in such an hour has none else
to flee to? How uncomfortable the supposition, which implies this, by
direct necessary consequence, namely, that all these things are the
pure result of meerly natural causes!
But supposing the earthquake which made such havock at _Lisbon_, should
never travel so far as _London_, is there nothing else which can reach
us? What think you of a comet? Are we absolutely out of the reach of
this? You cannot say we are; seeing these move in all directions, and
through every region of the universe. And would the approach of one
of these amazing spheres, be of no importance to us? Especially in its
return from the sun? When that immense body is (according to Sir _Isaac
Newton_’s calculation) heated two thousand times hotter than a red-hot
cannon ball. The late ingenious and accurate Dr. _Halley_ (never yet
suspected of enthusiasm) fixes the return of the great comet in the
year one thousand seven hundred and fifty eight: and he observes that
the last time it revolved, it moved in the very same line which the
earth describes in her annual course round the sun: but the earth was
on the other side of her orbit. Whereas in this revolution it will move
not only in the same line, but in the same part of that line wherein
the earth moves. And “who can tell (says that great man) what the
consequences of such a contact may be?”
“Who can tell?” Any man of common understanding, who knows the very
first elements of astronomy. The immediate consequence of such a body
of solid fire touching the earth must necessarily be, that it will set
the earth on fire, and burn it to a coal, if it do not likewise strike
it out of its course; in which case (so far as we can judge) it must
drop down directly into the sun.
But what if this vast body is already on its way? If it is nearer than
we are aware of? What if these unusual, unprecedented motions of the
waters, be one effect of its near approach? We cannot be certain, that
it will be visible to the inhabitants of our globe, till it has imbibed
the solar fire. But possibly we may see it sooner than we desire. We
may see it, not as _Milton_ speaks,
From its horrid hair
Shake pestilence and war:
But ushering in far other calamities than these, and of more extensive
influence. Probably it will be seen first, drawing nearer and nearer,
till it appears as another moon in magnitude, though not in colour,
being of a deep firey red: then scorching and burning up all the
produce of the earth, drying away all clouds, and so cutting off the
hope or possibility of any rain or dew; drying up every fountain,
stream and river, causing all faces to gather blackness, and all men’s
hearts to fail. Then executing its grand commission on the globe itself,
and causing the stars to fall from heaven.¹ O who may abide when this
♦is done? Who will then be able to stand?
¹ What security is there against all this, upon the _Infidel_
hypothesis? But upon the _Christian_, there is abundant
security: for the scripture prophecies are not yet fulfilled.
♦ “it” replaced with “is”
Quum mare, quum tellus, ♦excelsaque regia cœli
Ardeat, & mundi moles operosa laboret?
♦ “operosa” replaced with “excelsaque” per Errata
What shall we do? Do now, that none of these things may come upon
us unawares? We are wisely and diligently providing for our defence
against one enemy: with such a watchful wisdom and active diligence, as
is a comfort to every honest _Englishman_. But why should we not shew
the same wisdom and diligence in providing against all our enemies? And
if our own wisdom and strength be sufficient to defend us, let us not
seek any further. Let us without delay recruit our forces and guard
our coasts against the famine and murrain and pestilence; and still
more carefully against immoderate rains and winds, and lightnings and
earthquakes and comets: that we may no longer be under any painful
apprehensions of any present or future danger, but may smile
“Secure amidst the jar of elements,
The wreck of matter, and the crush of worlds!”
But if our own wisdom and strength be not sufficient to defend us, let
us not be ashamed to seek farther help. Let us even dare to own, we
believe there is a God: nay, and not a lazy, indolent, epicurean deity,
who sits at ease upon the circle of the heavens, and neither knows nor
cares what is done below: but one who as he created heaven and earth,
and all the armies of them, as he sustains them all by the word of his
power, so cannot neglect the work of his own hands. With pleasure we
own there is such a God, whose eye pervades the whole sphere of created
beings, who knoweth the number of the stars, and calleth them all by
their names: a God whose wisdom is as the great abyss, deep and wide
as eternity:
“Who high in power, in the beginning said,
Let sea, and air, and earth, and heaven be made,
And it was so. And when he shall ordain
In other sort, hath but to speak again,
And they shall be no more.”
Yet more: whose mercy riseth above the heavens, and his faithfulness
above the clouds: who is loving to every man, and his mercy over all
his works: let us secure him on our side. Let us make this wise, this
powerful, this gracious God our friend! Then need we not fear, though
the earth be moved and the hills be carried into the midst of the sea:
no, not though the heavens being on fire are dissolved, and the very
elements melt with fervent heat. It is enough that the Lord of hosts
is with us, the God of love is our everlasting refuge.
But how shall we secure the favour of this great God? How, but by
worshipping him in spirit and in truth: by uniformly imitating him
we worship, in all his imitable perfections; without which the most
accurate systems of opinions, all external modes of religion, are idle
cobwebs of the brain, dull farce and empty show. Now God is love. Love
God then, and you are a true worshipper. Love mankind, and God is your
God, your Father, and your friend. But see that you deceive not your
own soul; for this is not a point of small importance. And by this you
may know; if you love God, then you are happy in God. If you love God,
riches, honours, and the pleasures of sense are no more to you than
bubbles on the water: you look on dress and equipage as the tossels of
a fool’s cap, diversions, as the bells on a fool’s coat. If you love
God, God is in all your thoughts, and your whole life is a sacrifice
to him. And if you love mankind, it is your one design, desire and
endeavour to spread virtue and happiness all around you; to lessen the
present sorrows, and increase the joys of every child of man; and if it
be possible, to bring them with you to the rivers of pleasure that are
at God’s right-hand for evermore.
But where shall you find one who answers this happy and amiable
character? Wherever you find a _Christian_: for this, and this alone
is real, genuine _Christianity_. Surely you did not imagine, that
_Christianity_ was no more than such a system of _opinions_ as is
vulgarly called _faith_? Or a strict and regular attendance on any
kind of _external worship_? O no! Were this all that it implied,
Christianity were indeed a poor, empty, shallow thing: such as none
but half-thinkers could admire, and all who think freely and generously
must despise. But this is not the case: the spirit above described,
this alone, is Christianity. And if so, it is no wonder, that even
a celebrated unbeliever should make that frank declaration, “Well,
after all, these Christian dogs, are the happiest fellows upon earth!”
Indeed they are. Nay, we may say more. They are the only happy men upon
earth: and that tho’ we should have no regard at all to the particular
circumstances above-mentioned. Suppose there was no such thing as
a comet in the universe, or none that would ever approach the solar
system; suppose there had never been an earthquake in the world, or
that we were assured there never would be another: yet what advantage
has a Christian (I mean always a real, scriptural Christian) above all
other men upon earth?
What advantage has he over _you_ in particular, if you do not believe
the Christian system? For suppose you have utterly driven away storms,
lightnings, earthquakes, comets, yet there is another grim enemy at
the door; and you cannot drive him away, it is death. “O _that death_
(said a gentleman of large possessions, of good health, and a chearful
natural temper) I do not love to think of it! it comes in and spoils
all.” So it does indeed. It comes with its “miscreated front,” and
spoils all your mirth, diversions, pleasures! It turns all into the
silence of a tomb, into rottenness and dust. And many times it will
not stay till the trembling hand of old age beckons to it: but it leaps
upon you, while you are in the dawn of life, in the bloom and strength
of your years.
“The morning flowers display their sweets,
And gay their silken leaves unfold,
Unmindful of the noon-tide heats,
And fearless of the evening cold.
Nipp’d by the wind’s unkindly blast,
Parch’d by the sun’s directer ray
The momentary glories waste,
The short-liv’d beauties die away.”
And where are you then? Does your soul disperse and dissolve into
common air? Or does it share the fate of its former companion, and
moulder into dust! Or does it remain conscious of its own existence,
in some distant, unknown world? ’Tis all unknown! A black, dreary,
melancholy scene! Clouds and darkness rest upon it.
But the case is far otherwise with a Christian. To him life and
immortality are brought to light. His eye pierces through the vale of
the shadow of death, and sees into the glories of eternity. His view
does not terminate on that black line,
“The verge ’twixt mortal and immortal being.”
But extends beyond the bounds of time and place, to the house of God
eternal in the heavens. Hence he is so far from looking upon death as
an enemy, that he longs to feel his welcome embrace. He groans (but
they are pleasing groans) to have mortality swallowed up of life.
Perhaps you will say, “But this is all a dream. He is only in a fool’s
paradise?” Supposing he be, it is a pleasing dream.
_Maneat mentis gratissimus error!_
If he is only in a fool’s paradise, yet it is a paradise, while you are
wandering in a wide, weary, barren world. Be it folly: his folly gives
him that present happiness, which all your wisdom cannot find. So that
he may now turn tables upon you and say,
“Whoe’er can ease by folly get,
With safety may despise
The wretched, unenjoying wit,
The miserable wise.
Such unspeakable advantage (even if there is none beyond death) has a
Christian over an Infidel! It is true, he has given up some pleasures
before he could attain to this. But what pleasures? That of eating
till he is sick: till he weakens a strong, or quite destroys a weak
constitution. He has given up the pleasure of drinking a man into a
beast, and that of ranging from one worthless creature to another,
till he brings a canker upon his estate, and perhaps rottenness into
his bones. But in lieu of these, he has now (whatever may be hereafter)
a continual serenity of mind, a constant evenness and composure of
temper, a peace which passeth all understanding. He has learnt in every
state wherein he is, therewith to be content: nay, to give thanks,
as being clearly persuaded, it is better for him than any other. He
feels continual gratitude to his Supreme Benefactor, Father of Spirits,
Parent of Good; and tender, disinterested benevolence to all the
children of this common Father. May the Father of _your_ spirit, and
the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, make _you_ such a Christian! May
he work in _your_ soul a divine conviction of things not discerned by
eyes of flesh and blood! May he give you to see him that is invisible,
and to taste of the powers of the world to come; may he fill you with
all peace and joy in believing, that you may be happy in life, in death,
in eternity!
A COLLECTION OF
FORMS of PRAYER,
For every day in the week.
First printed in the year 1733.
SUNDAY MORNING.
ALMIGHTY God, Father of all mercies, I thy unworthy servant desire to
present myself, with all humility, before thee, to offer my morning
sacrifice of love and thanksgiving! Glory be to thee, O most adorable
Father, who after thou hadst finished the work of creation, enteredst
into thy eternal rest. Glory be to thee, O holy _Jesus_, who having
thro’ the eternal Spirit offered thy self a full, perfect, and
sufficient sacrifice for the sins of the whole world, didst rise again
the third day from the dead, and hadst all power given thee both in
heaven and on earth. Glory be to thee, O blessed Spirit, who proceeding
from the Father and the Son, didst come down in fiery tongues on the
apostles on the first day of the week, and didst enable them to preach
the glad tidings of salvation to a sinful world, and hast ever since
been moving on the faces of men’s souls, as thou didst once on the face
of the great deep, bringing them out of that dark chaos in which they
were involved. Glory be to thee, O holy, undivided Trinity, for jointly
concurring in the great work of our redemption, and restoring us again
to the glorious liberty of the sons of God. Glory be to thee, who
in compassion to human weakness, hast appointed a solemn day for the
remembrance of thy inestimable benefits. O let me ever esteem it my
privilege and happiness, to have a day set apart for the concerns of my
soul, a day free from distractions, disengaged from the world, wherein
I have nothing to do but to praise and love thee. O let it ever be to
me a day sacred to divine love, a day of heavenly rest and refreshment.
Let thy holy Spirit, who on the first day of the week descended in
miraculous gifts on thy apostles, descend on me thy unworthy servant,
that I may be always _in the spirit on the Lord’s day_. Let his blessed
inspiration prevent and assist me in all the duties of this thy sacred
day, that my wandring thoughts may all be fixed on thee, my tumultuous
affections composed, and my flat and cold desires quickned into fervent
longings and thirstings after thee. O let me join in the prayers and
praises of thy church with ardent and heavenly affection, hear thy word
with earnest attention and a fixed resolution to obey it. And when I
approach thy altar, pour into my heart humility, faith, hope, love, and
all those holy dispositions, which become the solemn remembrance of a
crucified Saviour. Let me employ this whole day to the ends for which
it was ordained, in works of necessity and mercy, in prayer, praise,
and meditation; and _let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of
my heart be always acceptable in thy sight_.
I know, O Lord that thou hast commanded me, and therefore it is my duty,
to love thee with all my heart, and with all my strength. I know thou
art infinitely holy and overflowing in all perfection, and therefore it
is my duty so to love thee.
I know thou hast created me, and that I have neither being nor blessing
but what is the effect of thy power and goodness.
I know thou art the end for which I was created, and that I can expect
no happiness but in thee.
I know that in love to me, being lost in sin, thou didst send thy only
Son, and that he being the Lord of glory, did humble himself to the
death upon the cross, that I might be raised to glory.
I know thou hast provided me with all necessary helps for carrying me
through this life to that eternal glory, and this out of the excess of
thy pure mercy to me, unworthy of all mercies.
I know thou hast promised to be thyself my _exceeding great reward_.
Though it is thou alone who thyself _workest in me, both to will and to
do, of thy good pleasure_.
Upon these and many other titles, I confess it is my duty, to love thee
my God, with all my heart. Give thy strength unto thy servant, that
thy love may fill my heart, and be the motive of all the use I make
of my understanding, my affections, my senses, my health, my time, and
whatever other talents I have received from thee. Let this, O God, rule
my heart, without a rival: let it dispose all my thoughts, words, and
works; and thus only can I fulfil my duty and thy command, of loving
thee _with all my heart, and mind, and soul, and strength_.
O thou infinite goodness, confirm thy past mercies to me, by enabling
me for what remains of my life, to be more faithful than I have
hitherto been, to this thy great command. For the time I have yet to
sojourn upon earth, O let me fulfil this great duty. Permit me not to
be in any delusion here: let me not trust in words, or sighs, or tears,
but love thee even as thou hast commanded. Let me feel, and then I
shall know what it is, to love thee with all my heart.
O merciful God, whatsoever thou deniest me, deny me not this love.
Save me from the idolatry _of loving the world, or any of the things
of the world_. Let me never love any creature, but for thy sake, and in
subordination to thy love. Take thou the full possession of my heart,
raise there thy throne, and command there, as thou dost in heaven.
Being created by thee, let me live to thee; being created for thee, let
me ever act for thy glory; being redeemed by thee, let me render unto
thee what is thine, and let my spirit ever cleave to thee alone!
Let the prayers and sacrifices of thy holy church offered unto
thee this day, be graciously accepted; _cloath thy priests with
righteousness, and pardon all thy people who are not prepared
according to the preparation of the sanctuary_. Prosper all those who
are sincerely engaged in propagating or promoting thy faith and love
(――――)¹: _Give thy Son the Heathen for his inheritance, and the utmost
parts of the earth for his possession_: that from the rising up of
the sun unto the going down of the same, thy name may be great among
the Gentiles. Enable us of this nation, and especially those whom thou
hast set over us in church and state, in our several stations, to serve
thee in all holiness, and to _know the love of Christ which passeth
knowledge_. Continue to us the means of grace, and grant we may never
provoke thee by our non-improvement to deprive us of them. Pour down
thy blessing upon our universities, that they may ever promote true
religion and sound learning. Shew mercy, O Lord, to my father and
mother, my brothers and sisters, to all my friends (――――)¹ relations
and enemies, and to all that are in affliction. Let thy fatherly hand
be over them, and thy holy Spirit ever with them; that submitting
themselves entirely to thy will, and directing all their thoughts,
words and works to thy glory, they and those that are already dead
in the Lord, may at length enjoy thee, in the glories of thy kingdom,
through _Jesus Christ_ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and
the Holy Ghost, one God, blessed for ever.
¹ Here mention the particular persons you would pray for.
* * * * *
SUNDAY EVENING.
_General questions which a serious Christian may propose to
himself, before he begins his evening devotions._
1. With what degree of attention and fervour did I use my morning
prayers, public or private?
2. Have I done any thing without a present, or at least a previous
perception of its direct, or remote tendency to the glory of God?
3. Did I in the morning consider, what particular virtue I was to
exercise, and what business I had to do in the day?
4. Have I been zealous to undertake, and active in doing what good I
could?
5. Have I interested myself any farther in the affairs of others, than
charity required?
6. Have I, before I visited, or was visited, considered how I might
thereby give or receive improvement?
7. Have I mentioned any failing or fault of any man, when it was not
necessary for the good of another?
8. Have I ♦unnecessarily grieved any one by word or deed?
♦ “necessarily” replaced with “unnecessarily” per Errata
9. Have I before, or in every action considered, how it might be a
means of improving in the virtue of the day?
_Particular questions relative to the love of GOD_.
1. Have I set apart some of this day, to think upon his perfections and
mercies?
2. Have I laboured to make this day, a day of heavenly rest, sacred to
divine love?
3. Have I employed those parts of it in works of necessity and mercy,
which were not employed in prayer, reading, and meditation?
O MY Father, my God, I am in thy hand; and may I rejoice above all
things in being so: do with me what seemeth good in thy sight: only let
me love thee with all my mind, soul, and strength.
I magnify thee for granting me to be born in thy church, and of
religious parents; for washing me in thy baptism, and instructing me in
thy doctrine of truth and holiness; for sustaining me by thy gracious
providence, and guiding me by thy blessed Spirit; for admitting me,
with the rest of my Christian brethren, to wait on thee at thy public
worship: and for so often feeding my soul with thy most precious body
and blood, those pledges of love, and sure conveyances of strength and
comfort. O be gracious unto all of us, whom thou hast this day [_or
at any time_] admitted to thy holy table. Strengthen our hearts in thy
ways against all our temptations, and make us _more than conquerors_ in
thy love.
O my Father, my God, deliver me, I beseech thee, from all violent
passions: I know how greatly obstructive these are, both of the
knowledge and love of thee; O let none of them find a way into my
heart, but let me ever possess my soul in meekness. O my God, I desire
to fear them more than death; let me not serve these cruel tyrants; but
do thou reign in my breast; let me ever be thy servant and love thee
with all my heart.
Deliver me, O God, from too intense an application to even necessary
business. I know how this dissipates my thoughts from the one end of
all my business, and impairs that lively perception I would ever retain
of thee standing at my right-hand. I know the narrowness of my heart,
and that an eager attention to earthly things leaves it no room for the
things of heaven. O teach me to go through all my employments with so
truly disengaged a heart, that I may still see thee in all things, and
see thee therein as continually looking upon me, and searching my reins;
and that I may never impair that liberty of spirit, which is necessary
for the love of thee.
Deliver me, O God, from a slothful mind, from all lukewarmness, and
all dejection of spirit: I know these cannot but deaden my love to
thee; mercifully free my heart from them, and give me a lively, zealous,
active and chearful spirit; that I may vigorously perform whatever thou
commandest, thankfully suffer whatever thou chusest for me, and be ever
ardent to obey in all things thy holy love.
Deliver me, O God, from all idolatrous love of any creature. I know
infinite numbers have been lost to thee, by loving those creatures
for their own sake, which thou permittest, nay, even commandest to
love subordinately to thee. Preserve me, I beseech thee, from all such
blind affection: be thou a guard to all my desires, that they fix on
no creature any farther than the love of it tends to build me up in
the love of thee. Thou requirest me to love thee with all my heart:
Undertake for me, I beseech thee, and be thou my security, that I may
never open my heart to any thing, but out of love to thee.
Above all, deliver me, O my God, from all idolatrous self-love. I know,
O God (blessed be thy infinite mercy for giving me this knowledge)
that this is the root of all evil. I know, thou madest me, not to do
my own will but thine. I know, the very corruption of the devil is, the
having a will contrary to thine. O be thou my helper against this most
dangerous of all idols, that I may both discern all its subtleties,
and withstand all its force. O thou who hast commanded me to renounce
myself, give me strength, and I will obey thy command. My choice and
desire is, to love myself, as all other creatures, in and for thee. O
let thy almighty arm so stablish, strengthen and settle me, that thou
mayst ever be the ground and pillar of all my love.
By this love of thee, my God, may my soul, be fixed against its natural
inconstancy: by this may it be reduced to an entire indifference as to
all things else, and simply desire what is pleasing in thy sight. May
this holy flame ever warm my breast, that I may serve thee with all my
might; and let it consume in my heart all selfish desires that I may in
all things regard, not myself but thee.
O my God, let thy glorious name be duly honoured and loved by all the
creatures which thou hast made. Let thy infinite goodness and greatness
be ever adored by all angels and men. May thy church, the Catholic
seminary of divine love, be protected from all the powers of darkness.
O vouchsafe to all, who call themselves by thy name, one short glimpse
of thy goodness. May they once taste and see how gracious thou art,
that all things else may be tasteless to them; that their desires
may be always flying up towards thee, that they may render thee love,
and praise, and obedience pure and chearful, constant and zealous,
universal and uniform, like that the holy angels render thee in heaven.
Send forth thy blessed Spirit into the midst of these sinful nations,
and make us a holy people: stir up the heart of our sovereign, of
the royal family, of the clergy, the nobility, and of all whom thou
hast set over us, that they may be happy instruments in thy hand,
of promoting this good work: be gracious to the universities, to the
gentry and commons of this land, and comfort all that are in affliction;
let the trial of their faith work patience in them, and perfect them in
hope and love (――――).¹
¹ Here mention the particular persons you would pray for.
Bless my father, &c. my friends and relations, and all that belong
to this family; all that have been instrumental to my good, by their
assistance, advice, example, or writing, and all that do not pray for
themselves.
Change the hearts of mine enemies, and give me grace to forgive them,
even as thou for _Christ_’s sake forgivest us.
O _thou Shepherd of_ Israel, vouchsafe to receive me this night and
ever, into thy protection; accept my poor services, and pardon the
sinfulness of these and all my holy duties. O let it be thy good
pleasure shortly to put a period to sin and misery, to infirmity and
death, to compleat the number of thine elect, and to hasten thy kingdom;
that we, and all that wait for thy salvation, may eternally love and
praise thee, O God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost,
throughout all ages, world without end.
_Our Father_, &c.
* * * * *
MONDAY MORNING.
_General questions, which may be used every morning._
Did I think of God first and last?
Have I examined myself how I behaved since last night’s retirement?
Am I resolved to do all the good I can this day, and to be diligent in
the business of my calling?
O GOD, who art the giver of all good gifts, I thy unworthy servant,
entirely desire to praise thy name for all the expressions of thy
bounty towards me. Blessed be thy love for giving thy Son to die for
our sins, for the means of grace, and for the hope of glory. Blessed be
thy love for all the temporal benefits which thou hast with a liberal
hand poured out upon me; for my health and strength, food and raiment,
and all other necessaries with which thou hast provided thy sinful
servant. I also bless thee that, after all my refusals of thy grace,
thou still hast patience with me, hast preserved me this night, (――――)¹
and given me yet another day, to renew and perfect my repentance.
Pardon, good Lord, all my former sins, and make me every day more
zealous and diligent to improve every opportunity of building up my
soul in thy faith, and love, and obedience: make thyself always present
to my mind, and let thy love fill and rule my soul, in all those places,
and companies, and employments, to which thou callest me this day.
In all my passage through this world, suffer not my heart to be set
upon it: but always fix my single eye, and my undivided affections on
_the prize of my high calling_! This one thing let me do; let me so
press toward this, as to make all things else minister unto it; and be
careful so to use them, as thereby to fit my soul for that pure bliss,
which thou hast prepared for those that love thee!
¹ Here you may mention any particular mercy received.
O thou, who art good and dost good, who extendest thy loving-kindness
to all mankind, the work of thine hands, thine image, capable of
knowing and loving thee eternally: suffer me to exclude none, O Lord,
from my charity, who are the objects of thy mercy; but let me treat all
my neighbours with that tender love, which is due to thy servants and
to thy children. Thou hast required this mark of my love to thee: O let
no temptation expose me to ingratitude, or make me forfeit thy loving
kindness which is better than life itself! But grant that I may assist
all my brethren with my prayers, where I cannot reach them with actual
services. Make me zealous to embrace all occasions that may administer
to their happiness, by assisting the needy, protecting the oppressed,
instructing the ignorant, confirming the wavering, exhorting the good,
and reproving the wicked. Let me look upon the failings of my neighbour
as if they were my own; that I may be grieved for them, that I may
never reveal them but when charity requires, and then with tenderness
and compassion. Let thy love to me, O blessed Saviour, be the pattern
of my love to him. Thou thoughtest nothing too dear to part with,
to rescue me from eternal misery: O let me think nothing too dear to
part with to set forward the everlasting good of my fellow Christians.
They are members of thy body; therefore I will cherish them. Thou hast
redeemed them with an inestimable price; assisted by thy holy Spirit,
therefore I will endeavour to recover them from a state of destruction:
that thus adorning thy holy gospel, by doing good according to my power,
I may at last be received into the endearments of thy eternal love, and
sing everlasting praise unto the Lamb, that was slain and sitteth on
the throne for ever.
Extend, I humbly beseech thee, thy mercy to all men, and let them
become thy faithful servants. Let all Christians live up to the holy
religion they profess; especially these sinful nations. Be intreated
for us, good Lord; be glorified by our reformation, and not by our
destruction. _Turn thou us, and so shall we be turned_: O be favourable
to thy people; give us grace to put a period to our provocations, and
do thou put a period to our punishment. Defend our church from schism,
heresy, and sacrilege, and the king from all treasons and conspiracies.
Bless all bishops, priests and deacons, with apostolical graces,
exemplary lives, and sound doctrine. Grant to the council wisdom
from above, to all magistrates integrity and zeal, to the universities
quietness and industry, and to the gentry and commons, pious and
peaceable, and loyal hearts.
Preserve my parents, my brothers and sisters, my friends and relations,
and all mankind, in their souls and bodies (――――)¹. Forgive mine
enemies, and in thy due time make them kindly affected towards me. Have
mercy on all who are _afflicted in mind, body, or estate: give them
patience under their sufferings, and a happy issue out of all their
afflictions_. O grant that we, with those who are already dead in thy
faith and fear may together partake of a joyful resurrection, through
him who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Ghost, one God,
world without end.
¹ Here mention the particular persons you would pray for.
* * * * *
MONDAY EVENING.
_Particular questions relating to the love of our neighbour._
1. Have I thought any thing but my conscience, too dear to part with,
to please or serve my neighbour?
2. Have I rejoiced or grieved with him?
3. Have I received his infirmities with pity, not with anger?
4. Have I contradicted any one, either where I had no good end in view,
or where there was no probability of convincing?
5. Have I let him, I thought in the wrong (_in a ♦trifle_) have the
last word?
♦ “triflle” replaced with “trifle”
MOST great and glorious Lord God, I desire to prostrate myself before
thy divine Majesty, under a deep sense of my unworthiness, and with
sorrow, and shame, and confusion of face, to confess I have, by my
manifold transgressions, deserved thy severest visitations, _Father,
I have sinned against heaven, and am no more worthy to be called thy
son_: O let thy paternal bowels yern upon me, and for _Jesus Christ_’s
sake graciously receive me. Accept my imperfect repentance, and send
thy Spirit of adoption into my heart, that I may again be owned by
thee, call thee Father, and share in the blessings of thy children.
Adored be thy goodness for all the benefits thou hast already from time
to time bestowed on me: for the good things of this life, and the hope
of eternal happiness. Particularly, I offer to thee my humblest thanks
for thy preservation of me this day, (――――)¹. If I have escaped any sin,
it is the effect of thy restraining grace: if I have avoided any danger,
it was thy hand directed me. To thy holy name be ascribed the honour
and glory. O let the sense of all thy blessings have this effect upon
me, to make me daily more diligent in devoting myself, all I am, and
all I have to thy glory.
¹ Here mention the particular persons you would pray for.
O my God, fill my soul with so entire a love of thee, that I may love
nothing but for thy sake, and in subordination to thy love. Give me
grace to study thy knowledge daily, that the more I know thee, the more
I may love thee. Create in me a zealous obedience to all thy commands,
a chearful patience under all thy chastisements, and a thankful
resignation to all thy disposals. May I ever have awful thoughts of
thee, never mention thy venerable name, unless on just, solemn, and
devout occasions; nor even then, without acts of adoration. O let it
be the one business of my life to glorify thee, by every thought of
my heart, by every word of my tongue, by every work of my hand; by
professing thy truth, even to the death, if it should please thee
to call me to it; and by engaging all men, as far as in me lies, to
glorify and love thee.
Let thy unwearied and tender love to me, make my love unwearied and
tender to my neighbour, zealous to pray for, and to procure and promote
his health and safety, ease and happiness; and active to comfort,
succour, and relieve all whom thy love and their own necessities
recommend to my charity. Make me peaceful and reconcilable; easy to
♦forgive, and glad to return good for evil. Make me like thyself, all
kindness and benignity, all goodness and gentleness, all meekness and
long-suffering. And, O thou lover of souls, raise in me a compassionate
zeal to save the life, the eternal life of souls, and by affectionate
and seasonable advice, exhortations and reproof, to reclaim the wicked,
and win them to thy love.
♦ “give” replaced with “forgive” per Errata
Be pleased, O Lord, to take me, with my father and mother, brethren and
sisters, my friends and relations, and my enemies, into thy almighty
protection this night. Refresh me with such comfortable rest that I may
rise more fit for thy service. Let me lie down with holy thoughts of
thee, and when I awake let me be still present with thee.
Shew mercy to the whole world, O Father of all; let the gospel of thy
Son run and be glorified throughout all the earth. Let it be made known
to all infidels, and obeyed by all Christians. Be merciful to this
church and nation; give unto thy bishops a discerning spirit, that
they may make choice of fit persons to serve in thy sacred ministry;
and enable all who are ordained to any holy function, diligently
to feed the flocks committed to their charge, instructing them in
saving knowledge, guiding them by their examples, praying for and
blessing them, exercising spiritual discipline in thy church, and
duly administring thy holy sacraments. Multiply thy blessings on our
sovereign, on the royal family, and on the nobles, magistrates, gentry
and commons of this land; that they may all, according to the several
talents they have received, be faithful instruments of thy glory.
Give to our schools and universities, zeal, prudence and holiness,
visit in mercy all the children of affliction, (――――)¹. Relieve their
necessities, lighten their burthens; give them a chearful submission
to thy gracious will, and at length bring them and us, with those that
already rest from their labours, into the joy of our Lord, to whom with
thee, O Father, and thee, O Holy Ghost, be all praise, now and for ever.
¹ Here mention the particular persons you would pray for.
* * * * *
TUESDAY MORNING.
O ETERNAL and merciful Father, I give thee humble thanks (increase
my thankfulness, I beseech thee) for all the blessings, spiritual and
temporal, which in the riches of thy mercy thou hast poured down upon
me. Lord, let me not live but to love thee, and to glorify thy name.
Particularly I give thee most unfeigned thanks for preserving me from
my birth to this moment and for bringing me safe to the beginning of
this day (――――)¹ in which, and in all the days of my life, I beseech
thee that all my thoughts, words, and works may tend to thy glory. Heal
O Father of mercies, all my infirmities (――――), strengthen me against
all my follies; forgive me all my sins (――――), and let them not cry
louder in thine ears for vengeance, than my prayers for mercy and
forgiveness.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
O blessed Lord, enable me to fulfil thy commands, and command what thou
wilt. O thou Saviour of all that trust in thee, do with me what seemeth
best in thine own eyes: only give me the mind which was in thee: let
me learn of thee to be meek and lowly. Pour into me the whole Spirit of
humility; fill, I beseech thee, every part of my soul with it, and make
it the constant, ruling habit of my mind, that all my other tempers
may arise from it: that I may have no thoughts, no desires, no designs,
but such as are the true fruit of a lowly spirit. Grant that I may
think of myself as I ought to think, that I may _know myself, even
as I am known_. Herein may I exercise myself continually, when I lie
down and when I rise up, that I may always appear poor, and little,
and mean, and base, and vile in mine own eyes. O convince me, that _I
have neither learned wisdom, nor have the knowledge of the holy_. Give
me a lively sense that I am nothing, that I have nothing, and that I
can do nothing. Enable me to feel that I am all ignorance and error,
weakness and uncleanness, sin and misery; that I am not worthy of the
air I breathe, the earth I tread upon, or the sun that shines upon
me. And let me be fully content when all other men think of me as I do
of myself. O save me from either desiring or seeking the honour that
cometh of men. Convince me that the words of praise, _when smoother
than oil_, then especially _are very swords_. Give me to dread them
more than the _poison of asps_, or _the pestilence that walketh in
darkness_. And when these cords of pride, these snares of death do
overtake me, suffer me not to take any pleasure in them, but enable
me instantly to flee unto thee, O Lord, and to complain unto my God.
Let all my bones cry out, _Thou art worthy to be praised; so shall I
be safe from mine enemies_.
Bless, O gracious Father, all the nations whom thou hast placed
upon the earth, with the knowledge of thee, the only true God: But
especially bless thy holy catholic church, and fill it with truth and
grace; where it is corrupt, purge it; where it is in error, rectify it;
where it is right, confirm it; where it is divided and rent asunder,
heal the breaches thereof, O _thou holy one of_ Israel. Replenish all
whom thou hast called to ♦any office therein, with truth of doctrine
and innocency of life. Let their prayers be as precious incense in thy
sight, that their cries and tears for the city of their God may not be
in vain.
♦ “an” replaced with “any” per Errata
O Lord, hear the king in the day of his trouble; let thy name, O God,
defend him. Grant him his heart’s desire, and fulfil all his mind. Set
his heart firm upon thee, and upon other things only as they are in and
for thee. O defend him and his royal relations from thy holy heaven,
even with the saving strength of thy right-hand.
Have mercy upon this kingdom, and forgive the sins of this people: turn
thee unto us, bless us, and cause thy face to shine on our desolations.
Inspire the nobles and magistrates with prudent zeal, the gentry and
commons, with humble loyalty. Pour down thy blessings on all seminaries
of true religion and learning, that they may remember and answer
the end of their institution. Comfort all the sons and daughters of
affliction, especially those who _suffer for righteousness sake_. Bless
my father and mother, my brethren and sisters, my friends and relations,
and all that belong to this family. Forgive all who are mine enemies,
and so reconcile them to me and thyself, that we all, together with
those that now sleep in thee, may awake to life everlasting, through
thy merits and intercession, O blessed _Jesus_; to whom with the Father
and the Holy Ghost, be ascribed by all creatures, _all honour, and
might, and wisdom, and glory, and blessing_.
* * * * *
TUESDAY EVENING.
_Particular questions relating to humility._
1. Have I laboured to conform all my thoughts, words and actions to
these fundamental maxims; _I am nothing, I have nothing, I can do
nothing_?
2. Have I set apart some time this day, to think upon my infirmities,
follies and sins?
3. Have I ascribed to myself any part of any good which God did by my
hand?
4. Have I said or done any thing, with a view to the praise of men?
5. Have I desired the praise of men?
6. Have I taken pleasure in it?
7. Have I commended myself, or others, to their faces, unless for God’s
sake, and then with fear and trembling?
8. Have I despised any one’s advice?
9. Have I, when I thought so, said, _I am in the wrong_?
10. Have I received contempt for things indifferent, with meekness: For
doing my duty, with joy?
11. Have I omitted justifying myself where the glory of God was not
concerned? Have I submitted to be thought in the wrong?
12. Have I, when contemned, _first_ prayed God it might not discourage,
or puff me up: _secondly_ that it might not be imputed to the contemner:
_thirdly_ that it might heal my pride?
13. Have I, without some particular good in view, mentioned the
contempt I had met with?
I DESIRE to offer unto thee, O Lord, my evening sacrifice, the
sacrifice of a contrite spirit. _Have mercy upon me, O God, after
thy great goodness, and after the multitude of thy mercies do away
mine offences._ Let thy unspeakable mercy free me from the sins I
have committed, and deliver me from the punishment I have deserved
(――――)¹. O save me from every work of darkness, and cleanse me _from
all filthiness of flesh and spirit_, that, for the time to come, I may
with a pure heart and mind follow thee the only true God.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
O Lamb of God, who both by thy example and precept didst instruct
us to be meek and humble, give me grace throughout my whole life, in
every thought, and word and work, to imitate thy meekness and humility.
O mortify in me the whole body of pride: grant me to feel that I am
nothing and have nothing, and that I deserve nothing but shame and
contempt, but misery and punishment. Grant, O Lord, that I may look
for nothing, claim nothing, and that I may go through all the scenes
of life, not seeking my own glory, but looking wholly unto thee, and
acting wholly for thee. Let me never speak any word that may tend to my
own praise, unless the good of my neighbour require it. And even then
let me beware, lest to heal another, I wound my own soul. Let my ears
and my heart be ever shut to the praise that cometh of men, and let me
_refuse to hear the voice of the charmer, charm he never so sweetly_.
Give me a dread of applause, in whatsoever form, and from whatsoever
tongue it cometh. I know that _many stronger men have been slain by it_,
and that it _leadeth to the chambers of death_. O deliver my soul from
this snare of hell; neither let me spread it for the feet of others.
Whosoever perish thereby, be their blood upon their own head, and let
not my hand be upon them.
O thou giver of every good and perfect gift, if at any time thou
pleasest to work by my hand, teach me to discern what is my own from
what is another’s, and to render unto thee the things that are thine.
As, all the good that is done on earth, thou dost it thyself, let me
ever return to thee all the glory. Let me, as a pure chrystal, transmit
all the light thou pourest upon me; but never claim as my own what is
thy sole property.
O thou who wert despised and rejected of men, when I am slighted by my
friends, disdained by my superiors, overborn, or ridiculed by my equals,
or contemptuously treated by my inferiors, let me cry out with thy
holy martyr¹, “It is now that I begin to be a disciple of _Christ_.”
Then let me thankfully accept, and faithfully use the happy occasion
of improving in thy meek and lowly Spirit. If for thy sake _men cast
out my name as evil, let me rejoice, and be exceeding glad_. If for
my own infirmities, yet let me acknowledge thy goodness, in giving me
this medicine to heal my pride and vanity, and beg thy mercy for those
physicians of my soul, by whose hands it is administered to me.
¹ Ignatius.
_Make me to remember thee on my bed, and think upon thee when I am
waking_: thou hast preserved me from all the dangers of the day past:
thou hast been my support from my youth up until now: _under the shadow
of thy wings_ let me pass this night in comfort and peace.
O thou Creator and preserver of all mankind, have mercy upon all
conditions of men: purge thy holy Catholic church from all heresy,
schism, and superstition. Bless our sovereign in his person, in his
actions, in his relations, and in his people. May it please thee
_to endue his council, and all the nobility, with grace, wisdom, and
understanding_; the magistrates with equity, courage and prudence; the
gentry with industry and temperance; and all the commons of this land,
with increase of grace, and a holy, humble, thankful spirit.
O pour upon our whole church, and especially upon the clergy thereof,
the continual dew of thy blessing. Grant to our universities peace and
piety, and to all that labour under affliction, constant patience and
timely deliverance. Bless all my kindred, (especially my father and
mother, my brothers and sisters) and all my friends and benefactors
(――――)¹. Turn the hearts of my enemies (――――); forgive them and me all
our sins, and grant that we and all the members of thy holy church, may
find mercy in the dreadful day of judgment, through the mediation and
satisfaction of thy blessed Son _Jesus Christ_, to whom with thee and
the Holy Ghost the comforter, be all honour, praise and thanksgiving,
in all the churches of the saints for ever.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
* * * * *
WEDNESDAY MORNING.
O THOU who dwellest in the light which no man can approach, in whose
presence there is no night, in the light of whose countenance there
is perpetual day: I thy sinful servant, whom thou hast preserved this
night, who live by thy power this day, bless and glorify thee, for
the defence of thy almighty providence, (――――)¹ and humbly pray thee,
that this, and all my days may be wholly devoted to thy service. Send
thy Holy Spirit to be the guide of all my ways, and the sanctifier of
my soul and body. Save, defend, and build me up in thy fear and love;
give unto me the light of thy countenance, peace from heaven, and the
salvation of my soul in the day of the Lord Jesus.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
O Thou who art _the way, the truth, and the life_, thou hast said no
man can follow thee, unless he renounce himself. I know, O Saviour,
that thou hast laid nothing upon us but what the design of thy
love made necessary for us. Thou sawest our disease, our idolatrous
self-love, whereby we fell away from God, to be as gods ourselves,
to please ourselves, and to do our own will. Lo, I come! May I ever
renounce my own, and do thy blessed will in all things!
I know, O God, thou didst empty thyself of thy eternal glory, and
tookest upon thee _the form of a servant_. Thou who madest all men to
serve and please thee, didst not please thyself, but wast the servant
of all. Thou O Lord of the hosts of heaven and earth, didst yield thy
cheeks to be smitten, thy back to be scourged, and thy hands and feet
to be nailed to an accursed tree. Thus didst thou, our great Master,
renounce thyself: And can we think much of renouncing our vile selves?
My Lord and my God, let me not presume to be above my master! Let it be
the one desire of my heart, to be as my master, to do not my own will,
but the will of him that sent me.
O thou whose whole life did cry aloud, _Father, not mine, but thy will
be done_, give me grace to walk after thy pattern, to tread in thy
steps. Give me grace to _take up my cross daily_, to inure myself to
bear hardship. Let me exercise myself unto godliness betimes, before
the rains descend and the floods beat upon me: Let me now practise
what is not pleasing to flesh and blood, what is not agreeable to my
senses, appetites, and passions, that I may not hereafter renounce thee,
for fear of suffering for thee, but may stand firm in the _day of my
visitation_.
*O thou, who didst not please thyself, altho’ for thy _pleasure all
things are and were created_, let some portion of thy spirit descend
on me, that I may _deny myself and follow thee_. Strengthen my soul
that I may be temperate in all things; that I may never use any of thy
creatures but in order to some end thou commandest me to pursue, and in
that measure and manner which most conduces to it. Let me never gratify
any desire, which has not thee for its ultimate object. Let me ever
abstain from all pleasures, which do not prepare me for taking pleasure
in thee, as knowing that all such war against the soul, and tend to
alienate it from thee. O save me from ever indulging either _the desire
of the flesh, the desire of the eye, or the pride of life_. Set a watch,
O Lord, over my senses and appetites, my passions and understanding,
that I may resolutely deny them every gratification, which has no
tendency to thy glory. O train me up in this good way, _that when I
am old I may not depart from it_: that I may be at length of a truly
mortified heart, _crucified unto the world, and the world crucified
unto me_.
Hear also my prayers for all mankind, and guide their feet into the way
of peace: for thy holy Catholic church, let her live by thy Spirit, and
reign in thy glory. Remember that branch of it which thou hast planted
in these kingdoms; especially the stewards of thy holy mysteries; give
them such zeal, and diligence, and wisdom, that they may save both
themselves and those that hear them.
Preserve, O great King of heaven and earth, all Christian princes,
especially our sovereign and his family. Grant that his council, and
all that are in authority under him, may truly and indifferently
administer justice. And to all thy people give thy heavenly grace, that
they may faithfully serve thee all the days of their life. Bless the
universities with prudence, unity, and holiness. However the way of
truth be evil spoken of, may they walk in it even to the end. Whoever
forget or blaspheme their high calling, may they ever remember, that
they are a _chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a
peculiar people_: and accordingly, _shew forth the praise of him, who
hath called them out of darkness into his marvellous light_.
With a propitious eye, O gracious Lord, behold all my enemies, and
all that are in affliction; give them patience under their sufferings,
and grant that they, and all the members of thy church, may find rest,
_where the wicked cease from troubling_, and mercy in the great day
of trial. In particular I commend to thy mercy, my father and mother,
my brethren and sisters, my friends and relations (――――)¹. Lord, thou
best knowest all their wants; O suit thy blessings to their several
necessities.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
Let these my prayers, O Lord, find access to the throne of grace,
through the Son of thy love, Jesus Christ the righteous: to whom, with
thee, O Father, in the unity of the Spirit, be all love and obedience
now and for ever!
* * * * *
WEDNESDAY EVENING.
_Particular questions relating to mortification._
1. Have I done any thing merely because it was pleasing?
2. Have I not only ♦not done what passion sollicited me to, but done
just the contrary?
♦ “done” replaced with “not done” per Errata
3. Have I received the inconveniences I could not avoid, as means of
mortification chosen for me by God?
4. Have I contrived pretences to avoid self-denial? In particular,
5. Have I thought any occasion of denying myself too small to be
embraced?
6. Have I submitted my will to the will of every one that opposed it;
except where the glory of God was concerned?
7. Have I set apart some time for endeavouring after a lively sense
of the sufferings of _Christ_ and my own sins? For deprecating God’s
judgment, and thinking how to amend?
O ALMIGHTY Lord of heaven and earth, I desire with fear and shame to
cast myself down before thee, humbly confessing my manifold sins and
unsufferable wickedness. I confess, O great God, that I have sinned
grievously against thee by thought, word and deed (particularly this
day). Thy words and thy laws, O God, are holy, and thy judgments are
terrible! But I have broken all thy righteous laws, and incurred thy
severest judgments; and where shall I appear when thou art angry?
But, O Lord my Judge, thou art also my Redeemer! I have sinned, but
thou, O blessed Jesus, art my advocate! _Enter not into judgment with
me_, lest I die; but spare me, gracious Lord, _spare thy servant, whom
thou hast redeemed with thy most precious blood_. O reserve not evil
in store for me against the day of vengeance, but let thy mercy be
magnified upon me. Deliver me from the power of sin, and preserve me
from the punishment of it.
Thou whose mercy is without measure, whose goodness is ♦unspeakable,
despise not thy returning servant, who earnestly begs for pardon and
reconciliation. Grant me the forgiveness of what is past, and a perfect
repentance of all my sins, that for the time to come I may with a
pure spirit do thy will, O God, walking humbly with thee, conversing
charitably with men, possessing my soul in resignation and holiness,
and my body in sanctification and honour.
♦ “unspeakble” replaced with “unspeakable”
*_My Lord and my God_, I know that unless I am planted together with
thee in the likeness of thy death, I cannot in the likeness of thy
resurrection. O strengthen me, that by _denying myself and taking up
my cross daily_, I may crucify the old man, and utterly destroy the
whole body of sin. Give me grace to _mortify all my members which are
upon earth_, all my works and affections which are according to corrupt
nature. Let me be dead unto sin, unto every transgression of thy law,
which is holy, merciful and perfect. Let me be dead unto the world, and
all that is in the world, the _desires ♦of the flesh, the desire of the
eye, and the pride of life_. Let me be dead unto pleasure, so far as it
tendeth not to thee, and to those pleasures which are at thy right-hand
for evermore. Let me be dead unto my own will, and alive only unto
thine. I am not my own; thou hast _bought me with a price, with the
price of thine own blood. And thou didst therefore die for all, that
we should not henceforth live unto ourselves, but unto him that died
for us._ Arm thou me _with this mind; circumcise my heart_ and make me
a _new creature_. Let me no longer live to the desires of men, but to
the will of God. Let thy holy Spirit enable me to say with thy blessed
apostle, _I am crucified with_ Christ: _nevertheless I live, yet not I,
but |Christ| liveth in me_.
♦ “of the flesh, the desire” added per Errata
O thou _great Shepherd of souls_, bring home unto thy fold all that are
gone astray. Preserve thy church from all heresy and schism, from all
that persecute or oppose the truth: and give unto thy ministers wisdom
and holiness, and the powerful aid of thy blessed Spirit. Advance the
just interests, and preserve the persons of all Christian princes,
especially our sovereign: give to him and his royal family, and to all
his subjects, in their several stations, particularly those that are in
authority among them, grace to do thy will in this world, and eternal
glory in the world to come.
Bless, O Lord, all our nurseries of piety and schools of learning,
that they may devote all their studies to thy glory. Have mercy on
all that are in affliction: remember the poor and needy, the widow and
fatherless, the friendless and oppressed: heal the sick and languishing,
give them a sanctified use of thy rod, and when thou seest it expedient
for them, receive them into the number of thy departed saints, and with
them into thine everlasting kingdom.
O my God, I praise thee for thy continual preservation of me, for thy
fatherly protection over me this day. (――――)¹. For all the comforts
with which thou surroundest me, spiritual and temporal; particularly
for leave now to pray unto thee. O accept the poor services, pardon the
sinfulness of this and all my holy duties, and bless me, my friends and
relations, my benefactors and mine enemies, (this night and ever) with
the blessings of thy children.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
These my prayers, O most merciful Father, vouchsafe to hear, through
the mediation of _Jesus Christ_ our Redeemer, who with thee and the
Holy Ghost is worshipped and glorified, in all churches of the saints,
one God blessed for ever!
* * * * *
THURSDAY MORNING.
O ETERNAL God, my Sovereign Lord, I acknowledge all I am, all I have
is thine. O give me such a sense of thy infinite goodness, that I may
return to thee all possible love and obedience.
I humbly and heartily thank thee for all the favours thou hast
bestow’d upon me; for creating me after thine own image, for thy daily
preserving me by thy good providence, for redeeming me by the death of
thy blessed Son, and for the assistance of thy holy Spirit: for causing
me to be born in a Christian country, for blessing me with plentiful
means of salvation, with religious parents and friends, and frequent
returns of thy ever blessed sacrament. I also thank thee for all thy
temporal blessings; for the preservation of me this night, (――――)¹
for my health, strength, food, raiment, and all the comforts and
necessaries of life. O may I always delight to _praise thy holy name_,
and, above all thy benefits, love thee my great benefactor.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
And, O Father of mercies, shut not up thy bowels of compassion towards
me a vile and miserable sinner; despise not the work of thine own hands,
the purchase of thy Son’s blood. For his sake I most humbly implore
forgiveness of all my sins. _Lo, I come now, to do thy will alone_; and
am resolved by thy assistance, to have no longer any choice of my own,
but with singleness of heart to obey thy good pleasure: _Father not my
will, but thine be done, in all my thoughts, words, and actions_!
*O thou all-sufficient God of angels and men, who art above all, and
through all, and in all; from whom, by whom, and in whom are all things;
_in whom we live, move, and have our being_; may my will be as entirely
and continually derived from thine, as my being and happiness are!
I believe, O sovereign goodness, O mighty wisdom, that thou dost
sweetly order and govern all things, even the most minute, even the
most noxious, to thy glory, and _the good of those that love thee_!
I believe, O Father of the families of heaven and earth, that thou
so disposest all events, as may best magnify thy goodness to all thy
children, especially those whose _eyes wait upon thee_. I most humbly
beseech thee teach me to adore all thy ways, though I cannot comprehend
them: teach me to be glad that thou art king, and to give thee thanks
for all things that befall me; seeing thou hast chosen that for me,
and hast thereby _set to thy seal that they are good_. And for that
which is to come, give me thy grace to do in all things what pleaseth
thee, and then, with an absolute submission to thy wisdom, to leave the
issues of them in thy hand.
O Lord Jesu, I give thee my body, my soul, my substance, my fame, my
friends, my liberty, my life; dispose of me, and all that is mine, as
it seemeth best unto thee. I am not mine, but thine; claim me as thy
right, keep me as thy charge, love me as thy child! Fight for me when
I am assaulted, heal me when I am wounded, and revive me when I am
destroyed.
O help me with thy grace, that whatsoever I shall do or suffer this day
may tend to thy glory. Keep me in love to thee, and to all men. Do thou
direct my paths, and teach me to set thee always before me. Let not the
things of this life, or my manifold concerns therein, alienate any part
of my affections from thee; nor let me ever pursue or regard them, but
for thee, and in obedience to thy will.
Extend, O Lord, thy pity to the whole race of mankind: enlighten the
Gentiles with thy truth, and bring into thy flock thy ancient people
the Jews. Be gracious to the holy Catholic church; and grant she may
always preserve that doctrine and discipline which thou hast delivered
to her. Grant that all of this nation, especially our governors and
the clergy, may, _whatsoever they do, do all to thy glory_. Bless
all nurseries of true religion and useful learning, and let them not
neglect the end of their institution. Be merciful to all that are in
distress, (――――)¹ that struggle with pain, poverty or reproach: be
thou a guide to them that travel by land or by water: give a strong and
quiet spirit to those who are condemned to death, liberty to prisoners
and captives, and ease and chearfulness to every sad heart. O give
spiritual strength and comfort to scrupulous consciences, and to them
that are afflicted by evil spirits. Pity idiots and lunatics, and give
life and salvation to all to whom thou hast given no understanding.
Give to all that are in error the light of thy truth; bring all sinners
to repentance, (――――) and give to all heretics humility and grace to
make amends to thy church, by the public acknowledgement of an holy
faith. Bless all my friends and relations, acquaintance and enemies:
(――――) unite us all to one another by mutual love, and to thyself by
constant holiness; that we, together with all those who are gone before
us in thy faith and fear, may find a merciful acceptance in the last
day, through the merits of thy blessed Son, to whom with thee and the
Holy Ghost, be all glory, world without end!
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
* * * * *
THURSDAY EVENING.
_Particular questions relating to resignation and meekness._
1. Have I endeavoured to will what God wills, and that only?
2. Have I received every thing that has befallen me, without my choice,
as the choice of infinite wisdom and goodness for me, with thanks?
3. Have I (after doing what he requires of me to do concerning them)
left all future things absolutely to God’s disposal? That is, have I
laboured to be wholly indifferent to whichsoever way he shall ordain
for me?
4. Have I resumed my claim to my body, soul, friends, fame, or fortune,
which I have made over to God; or repented of my gift, when God
accepted any of them at my hands?
5. Have I endeavoured to be chearful, mild and courteous in whatever I
said or did?
6. Have I said any thing with a stern look, accent or gesture?
Particularly with regard to religion?
MY Lord and my God, thou seest my heart, and my desires are not
hid from thee. I am encouraged by my happy experience of thy
goodness (particularly this day past) to present myself before thee,
notwithstanding I know myself unworthy of the least favour from thee.
I am ashamed when I think, how long I have lived a stranger, yea,
an enemy to thee, taking upon me to dispose of myself, and to please
myself in the main course of my life. But I now unfeignedly desire to
return unto thee, and renouncing all interest and propriety in myself,
to give myself up entirely to thee: I would be thine, and only thine
for ever. But I know I am nothing, and can do nothing of myself: and
if ever I am thine, I must be wholly indebted to thee for it. O my God,
my Saviour, my Sanctifier, turn not away thy face from a poor soul that
seeks thee: but as thou hast kindled in me these desires, so confirm,
increase, and satisfy them. Reject not that poor gift which I would
make of myself unto thee, but teach me so to make it, that it may be
acceptable in thy sight. Lord, hear me, help me, and shew mercy unto
me for _Jesus Christ_’s sake.
To thee, O God, Father, Son and Holy Ghost, my Creator, Redeemer, and
Sanctifier, I give up myself entirely: may I no longer serve myself,
but thee, all the days of my life.
I give thee my understanding: may it be my only care to know thee, thy
perfections, thy works and thy will. Let all things else be _as dung
and dross_ unto me, for the excellency of this knowledge. And let me
silence all reasonings against whatsoever thou teachest me, who canst
neither deceive, nor be deceived.
I give thee my will: may I have no will of my own: whatsoever thou
willest, may I will, and that only. May I will thy glory in all things
as thou dost, and make that my end in every thing; may I ever say with
the Psalmist, _Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none upon
earth that I desire beside thee_. May I delight to do thy will O God,
and rejoice to suffer it. Whatever threatens me let me say, _It is the_
Lord, _let him do what seemeth him good_: and whatever befalls me, let
me give thanks, since it is thy will concerning me.
I give thee my affections; do thou dispose of them all: be thou my
love, my fear, my joy: and may nothing have any share in them, but with
respect to thee and for thy sake. What thou lovest may I love, what
thou hatest may I hate, and that in such measures as thou art pleased
to prescribe me.
I give thee my body: may I glorify thee with it, and preserve it holy,
fit for thee, O God, to dwell in; may I neither indulge it, nor use
too much rigor towards it; but keep it, as far as in me lies, healthy,
vigorous and active, and fit to do thee all manner of service, which
thou shalt call for.
I give thee all my worldly goods: may I prize them and use them only
for thee. May I faithfully restore to thee, in the poor, all thou hast
intrusted me with, above the necessaries of life; and be content to
part with ♦them too, whenever thou my Lord, shalt require them at my
hands.
♦ “it” replaced with “them” per Errata
I give thee my credit and reputation: may I never value it, but only
in respect of thee; nor endeavour to maintain it, but as it may do thee
service and advance thy honour in the world.
I give thee myself and my all: let me look upon myself to be nothing,
and to have nothing out of thee. Be thou the sole disposer and governor
of myself and all; be thou my portion and my all.
O my God and my all, when hereafter I shall be tempted to break this
solemn engagement, when I shall be prest to conform to the world, and
to the company and customs that surround me; may my answer be, _I am
not my own_; I am not for myself, nor for the world, but for my God. I
will give unto God the things which are God’s. God be merciful to me a
sinner.
Have mercy, O Father of the spirits of all flesh, on all mankind.
Convert all Jews, Turks and Heathens to thy truth. Bless the Catholic
church; heal its breaches, and establish it in truth and peace.
Preserve and defend all Christian princes, especially our sovereign
and his family. Be merciful to this nation; bless the clergy with
soundness of doctrine and purity of life; the council with wisdom,
the magistrates with integrity and zeal, and the people with loyalty.
Bless the universities with learning and holiness, that they may afford
a constant supply of men fit and able to do thee service.
Shower down thy graces on all my relations, on all my friends and all
that belong to this family. Comfort and relieve those that labour under
any affliction of body or mind: especially those who suffer for the
testimony of a good conscience. Visit them, O gracious Lord, in all
their distresses. Thou knowest, thou seest them under all. O stay their
souls upon thee; give them to rejoice that they are counted worthy
to suffer for thy name’s sake, and constantly to look unto the author
and finisher of their faith. Supply abundantly to all their souls who
are in prison, the want of thy holy ordinances, and in thy good time,
deliver them and be merciful unto them, as thou usest to be unto them
that love thy name. Those that love or do good to me, reward seven-fold
into their bosom: (――――)¹ those that hate me (――――) convert and forgive:
and grant us all, together with thy whole church, an entrance into
thine everlasting kingdom, through _Jesus Christ_; to whom with thee
and the blessed Spirit, three persons and one God be ascribed all
majesty, dominion, and power, now and for evermore. _Amen._
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
* * * * *
FRIDAY MORNING.
ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, I bless thee from my heart, that of thy
infinite goodness thou hast preserved me this night past, and hast
with the impregnable defence of thy providence protected me, from the
power and malice of the devil. Withdraw not, I humbly intreat thee, thy
protection from me, but mercifully this day watch over me with the eyes
of thy mercy; direct my soul and body, according to the rule of thy
will, and fill my heart with thy holy Spirit, that I may pass this day,
and all the rest of my days, to thy glory.
O Saviour of the world, God _of_ Gods, _light of light_, thou that art
the brightness of thy Father’s glory, the express image of his person;
thou that hast destroyed the power of the devil, that hast overcome
death, _that sittest at the right-hand of the Father_, thou wilt
speedily come down in thy Father’s glory to judge all men according
to their works: be thou my light and my peace; destroy the power of
the devil in me, and make me a new creature. O thou who didst cast
seven devils out of _Mary Magdalen_, cast out of my heart all corrupt
affections. O thou who didst raise _Lazarus_ from the dead, raise me
from the death of sin. Thou who didst cleanse the lepers, heal the sick,
and give sight to the blind, heal the diseases of my soul; open my eyes,
and fix them singly on the prize of my high-calling, and cleanse my
heart from every desire, but that of advancing thy glory.
*O _Jesus_, poor and abject, unknown and despised, have mercy upon me,
and let me not be ashamed to follow thee. O _Jesus_, hated, caluminated
and persecuted; have mercy upon me, and let me not be afraid to come
after thee. O _Jesus_, betrayed and sold at a vile price, have mercy
upon me; and make me content to be as my Master. O _Jesus_, blasphemed,
accused and wrongfully condemned, have mercy upon me and teach me to
endure the contradiction of sinners. O _Jesus_, clothed with a habit
of reproach and shame, have mercy upon me, and let me not seek my own
glory. O _Jesus_, insulted, mocked and spit upon, have mercy upon me,
and let me run with patience the race set before me. O _Jesus_, dragged
to the pillar, scourged and bathed in blood, have mercy upon me, and
let me not faint in the fiery trial. O _Jesus_, crowned with thorns and
hailed in derision; O _Jesus_ burthened with our sins, and the curses
of the people; O _Jesus_, affronted, outraged, buffeted, overwhelmed
with injuries, griefs and humiliations; O _Jesus_, hanging on the
accursed tree, bowing the head, giving up the Ghost, have mercy upon me,
and conform my whole soul to thy holy, humble, suffering Spirit. O thou
who for the love of me hast undergone such an infinity of sufferings
and humiliations; let me be wholly “emptied of myself,” that I may
rejoice to take up my cross daily and follow thee. Enable me too, to
endure the pain and despise the shame; and if it be thy will, to resist
even unto blood.
Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, I miserable sinner humbly
acknowledge that I am altogether unworthy to pray for myself. But since
thou hast commanded me to make prayers and intercessions for all men,
in obedience to thy command, and confidence of thy unlimited goodness,
I commend to thy mercy the wants and necessities of all mankind.
Lord, let it be thy good pleasure to restore to thy church Catholic,
primitive peace and purity: to shew mercy to these sinful nations, and
give us grace at length to break off our sins by repentance: defend
our church from all the assaults of schism, heresy and sacrilege, and
bless all _bishops_, _priests_ and _deacons_ with apostolical graces.
O let it be thy good pleasure to defend the king from all his enemies
spiritual and temporal; to bless all his royal relations; to grant
to the council wisdom, to the magistrates, zeal and prudence, to the
gentry and commons piety and loyalty.
Lord, let it be thy good pleasure, to give thy grace to the
universities; to bless those whom I have wronged, (――――)¹ and to
forgive those who have wronged me (――――): to comfort the disconsolate,
to give health and patience to all that are sick and afflicted (――――).
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
Vouchsafe to bless my father and mother with the fear of thy name, that
they may be holy in all manner of conversation. Let them remember how
short their time is, and be careful to improve every moment of it. O
thou who hast kept them from their youth up until now, forsake them not
now they are grey-headed, but perfect them in every good word and work,
and be thou their guide unto death. Bless my brethren and sisters,
whom thou hast graciously taught the gospel of thy _Christ_; give
them further degrees of illumination, that they may serve thee with a
perfect heart and willing mind. Bless my friends and benefactors, and
all who have commended themselves to my prayers (――――). Lord, thou best
knowest all our conditions, all our desires, all our wants. O do thou
suit thy grace and blessings to our several necessities.
Hear, O merciful Father, my supplications, for the sake of thy Son
_Jesus_, and bring us, with all those who have pleased thee from the
beginning of the world, into the glories of thy Son’s kingdom: to whom
with thee and the Holy Ghost, be all praise for ever and ever!
_Our Father_, &c.
* * * * *
FRIDAY EVENING.
_Questions relating to mortification, see before the prayers
for Wednesday evening._
O GOD the Father, who canst not be thought to have made me only to
destroy me, have mercy upon me.
O God the Son, who knowing thy Father’s will didst come into the world
to save me, have mercy upon me.
O God the Holy Ghost, who to the same end hast so often since breathed
holy thoughts into me, have mercy upon me.
O holy, blessed and glorious Trinity, whom in Three persons I adore as
One God, have mercy upon me.
Lord, carest thou not that I perish! Thou that would’st have all men
to be saved! Thou that would’st have none to perish! And wilt thou
now shew thine anger against a worm, a leaf! Against a vapour that
vanisheth before thee! O remember how short my time is, and deliver not
my soul into the power of hell! For, alas, what profit is there in my
blood? Or, who shall give thee thanks in that pit? No; let me live in
thy sight: let me live, O my God, and my soul shall praise thee. Forget
me, as I have been disobedient, provoking thee to anger, and regard
me as I am distrest, crying out to thee for help. Look not upon me as
I am a sinner; but consider me as I am thy creature. A sinner I am, I
confess, a sinner of no ordinary stain: But let not this hinder thee,
O my God; for upon such sinners thou gettest the greatest glory.
O remember for whose sake it was that thou camest from the bosom of thy
Father, and was content to be born of thine own handmaid. Remember, for
whom it was that thy tender body was torn and scourged and crucified!
Was it not for the sins of the whole world? And shall I be so injurious
to thy glory, as to think thou hast excepted me? Or can I think, thou
diedst only for sinners of a lower kind and leftest such as me without
remedy? What had become then of him, who filled _Jerusalem_ with blood?
What of her, who lived in a trade of sin? Nay, what had become of thine
own disciple, who with oaths and curses thrice denied thee?
O how easy is it for thee to forgive? For it is thy nature. How proper
is it for thee to save? For it is thy name! How suitable is it to thy
coming into the world? For it is thy business. And when I consider that
I am the chief of sinners, may I not urge thee farther, and say, Shall
the chief of thy business be left undone? Far be that from thee? Have
mercy upon me!
I ask not of thee the things of this world, give them to whom thou
pleasest so thou givest me mercy. O say unto my soul, _Be of good cheer,
thy sins are forgiven thee_. O that I might never sin against thee
more! And whereinsoever my conscience accuses me most, be thou most
merciful unto me!
Save me, O God, as a brand snatched out of the fire.
Receive me, O my Saviour, as a sheep that is gone astray, but would now
return to the great shepherd and bishop of my soul!
Father, accept my imperfect repentance, compassionate my infirmities,
forgive my wickedness, purify my uncleanness, strengthen my weakness,
fix my unstableness, and let thy good Spirit watch over me for ever,
and thy love ever rule in my heart, through the merits and sufferings
and love of thy Son, in whom thou art always well pleased.
Give thy grace, O holy Jesus, to all the world, and let all who
are redeemed by thy blood, acknowledge thee to be the Lord. Let all
Christians, especially those of this nation, keep themselves unspotted
from the world. Let all governors, and especially our sovereign, rule
with wisdom and justice; and let the clergy be exemplary in their lives,
and discreet and diligent in their labours. Let our universities enjoy
freedom from violence and faction, and excel in true religion and sound
learning. Be an help at hand to all that are afflicted, and assist
them to trust in thee. Raise up friends for the widow and fatherless,
the friendless and oppressed. Give patience to all that are sick,
comfort to all troubled consciences, strength to all that are tempted.
Be gracious to my relations (――――)¹, to all that are endeared to
me by their kindnesses or acquaintance, to all who remember me in
their prayers, or desire to be remembered in mine (――――). Sanctify, O
merciful Lord, the friendship which thou hast granted me, with these
thy servants (――――). O let our prayers be heard for each other, while
our hearts are united in thy fear and love, and graciously unite them
therein more and more. Strengthen the hearts of us thy servants against
all our corruptions and temptations: enable us to consecrate ourselves
faithfully and entirely to thy service. Grant that, we may _provoke
each other to love_ and serve thee, and grow up together before thee in
thy fear and love, to thy heavenly kingdom. And by thy infinite mercies,
vouchsafe to bring us, with those that are dead in thee, to rejoice
together before thee, through the merits of our Lord Jesus Christ, to
whom with thee and the Holy Ghost, the blessed and only Potentate, the
King of Kings and Lord of Lords, be honour and power everlasting.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
* * * * *
SATURDAY MORNING.
O GOD, thou great Creator and Sovereign Lord of heaven and earth, thou
Father of angels and men, thou giver of life and protector of all thy
creatures, mercifully accept this my morning sacrifice of praise and
thanksgiving, which I desire to offer with all humility to thy divine
Majesty. _Thou art praised, O Lord, by all thy works_, and magnified
by every thing which thou hast created. The sun rejoiceth to run his
course, that he may set forth thy praise who madest him. Nor do the
moon and stars refrain to manifest thy glory, even amidst the silent
night. The earth breathes forth each day perfumes, as incense to
thee her sacred King, who has crowned her with herbs and trees, and
beautified her with hills and dales. The deep uttereth his voice, and
lifteth up his hands on high to thee, the great Creator, the universal
King, the everlasting God. The floods clap their hands, and the hills
are joyful together before thee; the fruitful vales rejoice and sing
thy praise. Thou feedest the innumerable multitude of animals which
thou hast created; _these all wait upon thee, and thou givest them
their meat in due season_. Thou madest light for our comfort, and
broughtest forth darkness out of thy treasures, to overshadow the
earth, that the living creatures of it might take their rest. _The
fire and hail, snow and vapour, wind and storm fulfil thy word_, and
manifest thy glory. Inanimate things declare thee, O Lord of life;
and irrational animals demonstrate their wise Creator. Amidst this
universal jubilee of nature, suffer not, I beseech thee, the sons of
men to be silent; but let the noblest work of thy creation pay thee
the noblest sacrifice of praise. O pour thy grace into my heart, that I
may worthily magnify thy great and glorious name. Thou hast made me and
sent me into the world to do thy work. O assist me to fulfil the end of
my creation, and to shew forth thy praise with all diligence, by giving
myself up to thy service. _Prosper the work of my hands upon me_, O
Lord; O prosper thou whatever I shall undertake this day, that it may
tend to thy glory, the good of my neighbour, and the salvation of my
own soul.
Preserve me from all those snares and temptations which continually
sollicit me to offend thee. Guide me by thy holy Spirit in all those
places whither thy providence shall lead me this day; and suffer not
my communications with the world to dissipate my thoughts, to make me
inadvertent to thy presence, or lukewarm in thy service: but let me
always walk as in thy sight, and as one who knows this life to be the
seed-time of an eternal harvest. Keep me, I beseech thee, undefiled,
unblamable, and unreprovable unto the end; and grant, that I may so
diligently perform thy will, in that station wherein thou hast been
pleased to place me, that I may make my calling and election sure,
thro’ Jesus Christ our blessed Lord and Saviour.
Hear also, O Lord, my prayers for the whole race of mankind, and
guide their feet into the way of peace: reform the corruptions of
thy Catholic church, heal her divisions, and restore to her, her
ancient discipline: give to the clergy thereof, whether they be
bishops, priests or deacons, grace as good shepherds to feed the flocks
committed to their charge. Bless King _George_ and all the royal family
and all that are put in authority under him. Let them exceed others as
much in goodness as greatness, and be signal instruments of thy glory.
Grant that in the universities, and in all other places set apart for
thy service, whatsoever is praise-worthy may for ever flourish. Keep,
O Lord, all the nobility, gentry and commons of this land, in constant
communion with thy holy Catholic church, in humble obedience to the
king, and in Christian charity one towards another.
In a particular manner, I beseech thee to be gracious to my father
and mother, my brethren and sisters, and all my friends and relations.
Pardon all their sins, and heal all their infirmities. Give them that
share of the blessings of this life, which thou knowest to be most
expedient for them; and thy grace so to use them here, that they may
enjoy thee eternally.
With a propitious eye, O gracious Comforter, behold all that are in
affliction: let the sighings of the prisoners, the groans of the sick,
the prayers of the oppressed, the desire of the poor and needy come
before thee (――――)¹. Give unto my enemies (――――) grace and pardon,
charity to me and love to thee: remove the cloud from their eyes, the
stony from their hearts, that they may know and feel what it is to love
their neighbour as themselves. And may it please thee to enable me to
_love all mine enemies, to bless them that now curse me, to do good
to them that hate me, and to pray for those who despitefully use me
and persecute me_. Be pleased, O Lord, of thy goodness, shortly to
accomplish the number of thine elect, and to hasten thy kingdom; that
we, with all thy whole church, may have our perfect consummation of
bliss, through _Jesus Christ_ our Lord, by whom and with whom, in the
unity of the Holy Ghost, all honour and glory be unto thee, O Father
Almighty, now and for ever.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
* * * * *
SATURDAY EVENING.
_Particular questions relating to thankfulness._
1. Have I allotted some time for thanking God for the blessings of the
past week?
2. Have I, in order to be the more sensible of them, seriously and
deliberately considered the several circumstances that attended them?
3. Have I considered each of them as an obligation to greater love, and
consequently to stricter holiness?
O Most great and glorious God, who art mighty in thy power, and
wonderful in thy doings towards the sons of men, accept, I beseech thee,
my unfeigned thanks and praise, for my creation, preservation, and all
the other blessings, which in the riches of thy mercy, thou hast from
time to time poured down upon me. _Thou_, Lord, _in the beginning hast
laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the works of
thine hand_. Thou createdst the sun and moon, the day and night, and
makest the outgoings of the morning and evening to praise thee. Thou
_formedst man of the dust of the ground and breathedst into him the
breath of life_. In thine own image madest thou him, capable of knowing
and loving thee eternally. His nature was perfect, thy will was his law,
and thy blessed self his portion. Neither after he had left his first
estate didst thou utterly withdraw thy mercy from him; but in every
succeeding generation, didst save, deliver, assist and protect him.
Thou hast instructed us by thy laws, and enlightened us by thy statutes.
Thou hast redeemed us by the blood of thy Son, and sanctifiest us by
the grace of thy holy Spirit. For these and all thy other mercies, how
can I ever sufficiently love thee, or worthily magnify thy great and
glorious name? All the powers of my soul are too few to conceive the
thanks that are due to thee, even for vouchsafing me the honour of now
appearing before thee and conversing with thee. But thou hast declared
thou wilt accept the sacrifice of thanksgiving, in return for all thy
goodness. For ever therefore will I bless thee, will I adore thy power,
and magnify thy goodness: _My tongue shall sing of thy righteousness,
and be telling of thy salvation from day to day_. I will give thanks
unto thee for ever and ever; I will praise my God while I have my being.
O that I had the heart of the seraphim, that I might burn with love
like theirs! But tho’ I am upon earth, yet will I praise, as I can, the
King of heaven; though I am a feeble, mortal creature, yet will I join
my song with those that excel in strength, with the immortal host of
angels and arch-angels, thrones, dominions and powers, while they laud
and magnify thy glorious name, and sing with incessant shouts of praise.
Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord of hosts! Heaven and earth are full of
his glory! Glory be to thee O Lord most high. _Amen. Hallelujah._
Accept, O merciful Father, my most humble thanks, for thy preservation
of me this day (――――)¹. O continue thy loving-kindness towards me, and
take me into thy protection this night. Let thy holy angels watch over
me to defend me from the attempts of evil men and evil spirits. Let me
rest in peace, and not sleep in sin, and grant that I may rise more fit
for thy service.
¹ Here mention the particulars you would pray for.
O thou whose kingdom ruleth over all, rule in the hearts of all the
men whom thou hast made: reform the corruptions, and heal the breaches
of thy holy church, and establish her in truth and peace. Be gracious
unto all priests and deacons, and give them rightly to divine the word
of truth. Forgive the sins of this nation, and turn our hearts, that
iniquity may not be our ruin. Bless king _George_ and all the royal
family, with all those blessings which thou seest to be most expedient
for them; and give to his council, and to the nobility and magistracy,
grace truely to serve thee in their several stations. Bless our
universities, that they may be the great bulwarks of thy faith and
love, against all the assaults of vice and infidelity: may the gentry
and commons of this realm, live in constant communion with thy church,
in obedience to the king, and in love one towards another.
Be gracious to all who are near and dear to me. Thou knowest their
names and art acquainted with their wants. Of thy goodness be pleased
to proportion thy blessings to their necessities. Pardon my enemies,
and give them repentance and charity, and me grace to overcome evil
with good. Have compassion on all who are distressed in mind, body or
estate, and give them steady patience and timely deliverance.
Now to God the Father, who first loved us, and made us accepted in
the Beloved: to God the Son, who loved us and washed us from our sins
in his own blood: to God the Holy Ghost, who sheddeth the love of God
abroad in our hearts, be all love and all glory in time and to all
eternity. _Amen!_
A COLLECTION OF
PRAYERS for FAMILIES.
SUNDAY MORNING.
ALMIGHTY and eternal God, we desire to praise thy holy name for so
graciously raising us up, in soundness of body and mind, to see the
light of this day.
We bless thee in behalf of all thy creatures; for _the eyes of all look
unto thee, and thou givest them their meat in due season_. But above
all we acknowledge thy inestimable benefits bestowed upon mankind in
Christ Jesus. We thank thee for his miraculous birth, for his most holy
life, his bitter agony and bloody death, for his glorious resurrection
on this day, his ascension into heaven, his triumph over all the powers
of darkness, and his sitting at thy right hand for ever more.
O God, how great was thy love to the sinful sons of men, to give
_thy only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him, might not
perish, but have everlasting life_! How great was that love which hath
committed our souls to one so _mighty to save_! Which hath chosen us
to be thy sons and heirs, together with Christ Jesus, and set such an
high priest over thy house and family, to make intercession for us, to
pour thy blessings upon us, and to send forth his angels to _minister
unto them who shall be heirs of salvation_! O the riches of thy grace,
in sending the Holy Ghost, to make us _abound in hope_, that we shall
one day rise from the dead, and after our short labours here, rest with
thee in thy eternal glory.
O that we could begin this day, in devout ♦meditations, in joy
unspeakable, and in blessing and praising thee, who hast given us such
good hope and everlasting consolation! Lift up our minds above all
these little things below, which are apt to distract our thoughts; and
keep them above, till our hearts are fully bent to seek thee every day,
in the way wherein Jesus hath gone before us, tho’ it should be with
the loss of all we here possess.
♦ “mediations” replaced with “meditations” per Errata
We are ashamed, O Lord, to think that ever we have disobey’d thee,
who hast redeemed us by the precious blood of thine own Son. O that we
may agree with thy will in all things for the time to come! and that
all the powers of our souls and bodies may be wholly dedicated to thy
service! We desire unfeignedly that all the thoughts and designs of
our minds, all the affections and tempers of our hearts, and all the
actions of our life, may be pure, holy, and unreproveable in thy sight.
_Search us_, O Lord, _and prove us; try out our reins and our heart.
Look well if there be any way of wickedness in us, and lead us in the
way everlasting_. Let thy favour be better to us than life itself; that
so in all things we may approve our hearts before thee, and feel the
sense of thy acceptance of us, giving us a joy which the world cannot
give.
Make it our delight to praise thee, to call to mind thy loving-kindness,
and to offer the sacrifice of thanksgiving. Help us to _take heed to
ourselves, lest at any time our hearts be overcharged with surfeiting
or drunkenness, or the cares of this life: to have our conversation
without covetousness, and to be content with such things as we have: to
possess our bodies in sanctification and honour: to love our neighbour
as ourselves, and as we would that others should do to us, do even
so to them. To live peaceably, as much as lieth in us, with all men:
to put on the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit: and to take those
who have spoken in the name of our LORD, for an example of suffering
affliction and of patience; and when we suffer as Christians, not to
be ashamed, but to glorify thee our |God| on this behalf._
And accept, good Lord, of all the praises of all thy people met
together this day. O that _thy ways were known upon all the earth,
thy saving health among all nations_! And that all Christian kings
especially, may be filled with thy holy Spirit, and be faithful
subjects of the Lord Jesus _the King of Kings and Lord of Lords_. O
that thy _priests may be cloathed with righteousness, and thy saints
rejoice and sing_; that all who are in distress may trust in thee, the
_help of their countenance and their_ God. O Lord, hear us, and make
thy face to shine upon thy servants, that we may _enter into thy gates
with thanksgiving, and into thy courts with praise: that we may be
thankful unto thee and bless thy name_. Amen, for Jesus Christ’s sake,
in whose words we conclude our imperfect prayers, saying, “Our Father,
&c.”
* * * * *
SUNDAY EVENING.
O THOU _high and holy one that inhabitest eternity_. Thou art to be
feared and loved by all thy servants. _All thy works praise thee_,
O God; and we especially _give thanks unto thee_, for thy marvellous
love in Christ Jesus, by whom thou hast _reconciled the world to
thyself_. Thou hast _given us exceeding great and precious promises_.
Thou hast sealed them with his blood, thou hast confirmed them by his
resurrection and ascension, and the coming of the Holy Ghost. We thank
thee that thou hast given us so many happy opportunities of knowing
_the truth as it is in_ Jesus, even _the mystery which was hid from
ages and generations_, but is now revealed to them that believe.
Blessed be thy goodness for that great consolation, and for the
assistance of thy holy Spirit. Blessed be thy goodness, that we
have felt it so often in our hearts, inspiring us with holy thoughts,
filling us with love and joy and comfortable expectations of _the glory
that shall be revealed_. We thank thee, that thou hast suffered us this
day, to attend on thee in thy public service: and that we have begun in
any measure, to pursue after that eternal _rest which remaineth for the
people of_ God.
We offer up again our souls and bodies to thee to be governed, not by
our will, but thine. O let it be ever the ease and joy of our hearts,
to be under the conduct of thy unerring wisdom, to follow thy counsels,
and to be ruled in all things by thy holy will. And let us never
distrust thy abundant kindness and tender care over us; whatsoever it
is thou wouldst have us to do, or to suffer in this world.
O God, purify our hearts, that we may intirely love thee, and rejoice
in being beloved of thee; that we may confide in thee, and absolutely
resign ourselves to thee, and be filled with constant devotion toward
thee. O that we may never sink into a base love of any thing here below,
nor be oppressed with the cares of this life; but assist us to _abhor
that which is evil, and cleave to that which is good_. Let us _use this
world as not abusing it_. Give us true humility of spirit, that we may
_not think of ourselves more highly than we ought to think_. Keep us
from being _wise in our own conceits. Let our moderation be known to
all men._ Make us _kindly affectioned one to another_; to delight in
doing good; to _shew all meekness to all men; to render to all their
dues; tribute to whom tribute is due, custom to whom custom, fear to
whom fear, honour to whom honour_; and to _owe no man any thing, but
to love one another_. Make us so happy, that we may be able to _love
our enemies, to bless those that curse us, to do good to them that
hate us; to rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that
weep_. Compose our spirits to a quiet and steady dependance on thy good
providence, that we may _take no thought for our life_, nor _be careful
for any thing, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving,
still make known our requests to thee our God_. And help us to _pray
always and not faint; in every thing to give thanks, and offer up the
sacrifice of praise continually; to rejoice in hope of thy glory; to
possess our souls in patience_; and to _learn in whatsoever state we
are, therewith to be content_. Make us _know both how to be abased,
and how to abound: every where, and in all things_, instruct us _both
to abound and to suffer want_, being enabled to _do all things through
Christ which strengtheneth us_.
O that the light of all Christians did so _shine before_ men, that
others might _glorify_ thee, _our Father which art in heaven! Send
forth thy light and thy truth_ into all the dark corners of the
earth; that _all kings may fall down before thee, and all nations do
thee service_! Bless these kingdoms, and give us grace at length, to
_bring forth fruits meet for repentance_. O Lord, save the king, and
_establish his throne in righteousness_. Prosper the endeavours of
all those who faithfully feed thy people, and increase the number of
them. O that the seed which hath been sown this day, may take deep
root in all our hearts; that being _not forgetful hearers, but doers
of the word, we may be blessed in our deeds_. Help us in all the week
following, to _set a watch before our mouth, and keep the door of our
lips_. And _let not our heart incline to any evil thing_, or _to
practise wicked works with men that work iniquity_. But _as we have
received how we ought to walk and to please thee, so may we abound more
and more_.
Protect us, we beseech thee, and all our friends every where this night,
and awaken in the morning those good thoughts in our hearts, that _the
words of our Saviour may abide in us, and we in him_; who hath taught
us, when we pray to say, “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
MONDAY MORNING.
WE humble ourselves, O Lord of heaven and earth, before thy glorious
Majesty. We acknowledge thy eternal power, wisdom, goodness, and truth;
and desire to render thee most unfeigned thanks, for all the benefits
which thou pourest upon us. But above all, for thine inestimable love,
in the redemption of the world, by our Lord Jesus Christ.
We implore thy tender mercies, in the forgiveness of all our sins,
whereby we have offended either in thought, word, or deed. We desire
to be truly sorry for all our misdoings, and utterly to renounce
whatsoever is contrary to thy will. We desire to devote our whole man,
body, soul and spirit, to thee. And as thou dost inspire us with these
desires, so accompany them always with thy grace, that we may every
day, with our whole hearts, give ourselves up to thy service.
We desire to be so holy and undefiled as our blessed Master was. And
we trust thou wilt fulfil all the gracious promises which he hath made
to us. Let them be dearer to us than thousands of gold and silver; let
them be the comfort and joy of our hearts. We ask nothing, but that it
may be unto thy servants according to his word.
Thou hast mercifully kept us the last night: blessed be thy continued
goodness. Receive us likewise into thy protection this day. Guide and
assist us in all our thoughts, words, and actions. Make us willing to
do and suffer what thou pleasest; waiting for the mercy of our Lord,
Christ Jesus, unto eternal life.
Blessed be thy goodness which hath not suffered us to wander, without
instruction, after the foolish desires of our own hearts; but hast
clearly shewn us where our happiness lies. O may we receive with
all thankfulness, those holy words which teach us the blessedness of
poverty of spirit, of mourning after thee, of meekness and gentleness,
of hungering and thirsting after righteousness, of mercifulness and
purity of heart, of doing good unto all, and patiently suffering for
doing the will of our Lord Christ.
O may we always be in the number of those blessed souls! May we ever
feel ourselves happy in having the kingdom of God within us, in the
comforts of the holy one, in being filled with all the fruits of
righteousness, in being made the children of the highest, and above
all, in seeing thee, our God. Let us abound in thy love more and more;
and in continual prayers and praises to thee, the Father of mercies and
God of all consolation, in Jesus Christ our Lord.
And we desire, thou knowest, the good of all mankind, especially of
all Christian people; that they may all walk worthy of the gospel, and
live together in unity and Christian love. For which end, we pray that
all Christian kings, princes, and governors, may be wise, pious, just,
and merciful, endeavouring that all their subjects may lead peaceable
lives in all godliness and honesty: and more particularly, that our
sovereign, king _George_, may be blest with a religious, quiet, long,
and prosperous reign, and that all in authority under him may seek in
their several stations to right the oppressed, to comfort the afflicted,
to provide for the poor and needy, and to relieve all those that are
in any misery. Bless all those that watch over our souls; succeed
their labours, and give us grace to follow their godly admonitions,
and _to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake_. The
same blessings we crave for our friends, relations, and acquaintance,
that we may all live in perfect love and peace together, and rejoice
together at the great day of the Lord Jesus; in whose holy words we sum
up all our wants, “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
MONDAY EVENING.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father in whom we live, move, and have our
being; to whose tender compassions we owe our safety the day past,
together with all the comforts of this life, and the hopes of that
which is to come: we praise thee, O Lord, we bow ourselves before thee,
acknowledging we have nothing but what we receive from thee. _Unto thee
do we give thanks_, O God, who daily pourest thy benefits upon us.
Blessed be thy goodness for our health, for our food and raiment,
for our peace and safety, for the love of our friends, for all our
blessings in this life; and our desire to attain that life which is
immortal. Blessed be thy love, for that we feel in our hearts any
motion toward thee. Behold, O Lord, we present ourselves before thee,
to be inspired with such a vigorous sense of thy love, as may put us
forward with a greater earnestness, zeal, and diligence in all our duty.
Renew in us, we beseech, a lively image of thee, in all righteousness,
purity, mercy, faithfulness and truth. O that Jesus, the hope of
glory, may be formed in us, in all humility, meekness, patience, and
an absolute surrender of our souls and bodies to thy holy will: that
_we may not live, but Christ may live in us_; that every one of us may
say, _The life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of
God, who loved me, and gave himself for me_.
Let the remembrance of his love, who made himself an offering for our
sins, be ever dear and precious to us. Let it continually move us to
offer up ourselves to thee, to do thy will, as our blessed Master did.
May we place an entire confidence in thee, and still trust ourselves
with thee, who hast not spared _thine own Son, but freely given him
up for us all_. May we humbly accept of whatsoever thou sendest us,
and _in every thing give thanks_. Surely thou _wilt never leave us nor
forsake us_. O guide us safe through all the changes of this life, in
an unchangeable love to thee, and a lively sense of thy love to us,
till we come to live with thee and enjoy thee for ever.
And now that we are going to lay ourselves down to sleep take us into
thy gracious protection, and settle our spirits in such quiet and
delightful thoughts, of the glory where our Lord Jesus lives, that
we may desire to be dissolved and to go to him who died for us, that
whether we wake or sleep, we might live together with him.
To thy blessing we recommend all mankind, high and low, rich and
poor, that they may all faithfully serve thee, and contentedly enjoy
whatsoever is needful for them. And especially we beseech thee, that
the course of this world may be so peaceably ordered by thy governance,
that thy church may joyfully serve thee in all godly quietness. We
leave all we have with thee, especially our friends, and those who are
dear unto us; desiring that when we are dead and gone, they may lift up
their souls in this manner unto thee; and teach those that come after,
to praise, love, and obey thee. And if we awake again in the morning,
may we praise thee again with joyful lips, and still offer ourselves a
more acceptable sacrifice to thee, thro’ Jesus Christ, in whose words
we beseech thee to hear us, according to the full sense and meaning
thereof, “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
TUESDAY MORNING.
O MOST great and mighty Lord, the possessor of heaven and earth,
all the angels rejoice in blessing and praising thee, the Father of
spirits: for _thou hast created all things, and in wisdom hast thou
made them all_, and spread thy tender mercies over all thy works. We
desire thankfuly to acknowledge thy bounty to us, among the rest of thy
creatures, and thy particular grace and favour to us, in Jesus Christ,
our merciful Redeemer. O give us a deep sense of that love which gave
him to die for us, that he might be _the author of eternal salvation to
all them that obey him_.
And hast thou not said, that thou wilt _give thy holy Spirit to them
that ask it_? O Father of mercies, let it be unto us, according to thy
word. Cherish whatever thou hast already given us, which is acceptable
in thy sight. And since at the best we are unprofitable servants, and
can do no more than it is our duty to do, enable us to do every thing
which thou hast commanded us heartily, with good will, and true love to
thy service.
O that we might ever approach thee with delight, and feel it the joy
of our hearts, to think of thee, to praise thee, to give thee thanks,
and to offer ourselves with absolute resignation to thee. O that mercy
may always please us, as it pleaseth thee! That we may be strictly just
and righteous! May chearfully pass by injuries, freely deny ourselves
whatever is not for thy glory; willingly submit to thy fatherly
corrections, and perform the duties of our several relations, with
singleness of heart. Render us so mindful of the great love of our
Lord, that we may be zealously concerned for his glory, and use our
utmost diligence to promote his religion in the world; delighting to
commemorate his death and passion, making a joyful sacrifice of our
souls and bodies to him, and ♦earnestly desiring that his kingdom may
come over all the earth.
♦ “eatnestly” replaced with “earnestly”
Fulfil, most merciful Lord all our petitions; and as thou hast
graciously protected us this night, so accompany us all this day with
thy blessing, that we may please thee in body and soul, and be safe
under thy defence, who art ever nigh unto all those that call upon thee.
And O that all men may be awakened into a lively and thankful sense of
all thy benefits. Stir up especially the minds of all Christian people,
to follow _the truth as it is in Jesus_, and _exercise_ themselves _to
have a conscience void of offence towards God and towards man_. Bless
these kingdoms, and endue our sovereign with such excellent wisdom and
holy zeal, that we may see many good days under his government. O that
true religion, justice, mercy, brotherly-kindness, and all things else
that are praise-worthy, may so flourish among us, that we may enjoy the
blessings of peace and plenty, and there may be no complaining in our
streets.
We recommend to thee all our friends and neighbours, all the poor,
the sick, and the afflicted, desiring those mercies for them, which
we should ask for ourselves, were we in their condition. _O God, whose
never failing providence ordereth all things both in heaven and earth,
keep them and us, we beseech thee, from all hurtful things, and give us
those things which are profitable for us, according to thine abundant
mercy in our_ Lord Jesus; in whose words we conclude our supplication
unto thee, saying, “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
TUESDAY EVENING.
ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, the sovereign Lord of all creatures in
heaven and earth, we acknowledge that our beings, and all the comforts
of them, depend on thee, the fountain of all good. We have nothing but
what is owing entirely to thy free and bounteous love, O most blessed
Creator, and to the riches of thy grace, O most blessed Redeemer.
To thee therefore be given by us, and by all creatures, whom thou hast
made to know how great and good thou art, all honour and praise, all
love and obedience, as long as we have any being. _It is but meet,
right, and our bounden duty, that we should at all times, and in all
places, give thanks unto thee_, O Lord, and devoutly resign both soul
and body to thee, to be absolutely governed and ruled according to thy
holy will.
Further, we pray thee, increase every good desire which we feel already
in our hearts; let us always live as becomes thy creatures, as becomes
the disciples of Jesus Christ. Incline us to be more and more in love
with thy laws, till they are written upon our hearts. Stir up our wills,
to _love them exceedingly_, and to cleave unto them as our very life.
O that we might heartily surrender our wills to thine! That we
may unchangeably cleave unto it, with the greatest and most entire
affection to all thy commands. O that there may abide for ever in
us, such a strong and powerful sense of thy mighty love towards us in
_Christ Jesus_, as may constrain us freely and willingly to please thee,
in the constant exercise of righteousness and mercy, temperance and
charity, meekness and patience, truth and fidelity; together with such
an humble, contented and peaceable spirit, as may adorn the religion
of our Lord and Master. Yea let it ever be the joy of our hearts to be
righteous, as thou art righteous; to be merciful, as thou, our heavenly
Father, art merciful; to be _holy, as thou who hast called us art holy
in all manner of conversation_; to be endued with thy divine wisdom,
and to resemble thee in faithfulness and truth. O that the example of
our blessed Saviour may be always dear unto us, that we may chearfully
follow him in every holy temper, and delight to do thy will, O God. Let
these desires, which thou hast given us, never die or languish in our
hearts, but be kept always alive, always in their vigour and force, by
the perpetual inspirations of the Holy Ghost.
Accept likewise of our thanks for thy merciful preservation of us all
this day. We are bold again to commit ourselves unto thee this night.
Defend us from all the powers of darkness; and raise up our spirits,
together with our bodies, in the morning, to such a vigorous sense
of thy continued goodness, as may provoke us all the day long to an
unwearied diligence in well-doing.
And the same mercies that we beg for ourselves, we desire for the rest
of mankind; especially for those who are called by the name of Christ.
O that every one of these may do his duty with all fidelity! that kings
may be tender-hearted, as the fathers of their countries; and all their
subjects may be dutiful and obedient to them, as their children; that
the pastors of thy church may feed their flocks with true wisdom and
understanding, and the people all may submit unto them, and follow
their godly counsels: that the rich and mighty may have compassion on
the poor and miserable; and all such distressed people may bless the
rich, and rejoice in the prosperity of those that are above them. Give
to husbands and wives, parents and children, masters and servants, the
grace to behave themselves so in their several relations, that they may
adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things, and may receive
of him a crown of glory: in whose holy name and words, we continue to
beseech thy grace and mercy towards us, and all thy people, every where
saying, “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
WEDNESDAY MORNING.
O GOD, blessed for ever, we thank and praise thee for all thy benefits,
for the comforts of this life, and our hope of everlasting salvation in
the life to come. We desire to have a lively sense of thy love always
possessing our hearts, that may still constrain us to love thee, to
obey thee, to trust in thee, to be content with the portion thy love
allots unto us, and to rejoice even in the midst of all the troubles of
this life.
Thou _hast delivered thine own Son for us all. How shalt thou not with
him also freely give us all things?_ We depend upon thee especially
for the grace of thy holy Spirit. O that we may feel it perpetually
bearing us up, by the strength of our most holy faith, above all the
temptations that may at any time assault us! That we may keep ourselves
unspotted from the world, and may still cleave to thee in righteousness,
in lowliness, purity of heart, yea, the whole mind that was in Christ.
Let thy mighty power enable us to do our duty towards thee, and towards
all men, with care and diligence, and zeal, and perseverance unto the
end. Help us to be meek and gentle in our conversation, prudent and
discreet in ordering our affairs, observant of thy fatherly providence,
in every thing that befalls us, thankful for thy benefits, patient
under thy chastisements, and readily disposed for every good word and
work. Preserve in us a constant remembrance of thy all-seeing eye; of
thy inestimable love in Jesus Christ, whereof thou hast given us so
many pledges, and of the great account we must give to him at the day
of his appearing; that so we may continue stedfast and unmoveable, and
be abundant in the work of the Lord, knowing that our labour shall not
be in vain in the Lord.
Deliver us we beseech thee, from worldly cares and foolish desires;
from vain hopes and causeless fears; and so dispose our hearts, that
death itself may not be dreadful to us, but we may welcome it with a
chearful countenance, when and howsoever it shall approach.
O that our hearts may be so firmly established in grace, that nothing
may affright us, or shake our constancy, but we may rather chuse to
die than to dishonour him who died for us! We resign ourselves to thy
wisdom and goodness, who knowest what is best for us; believing thou
_wilt never suffer us to be tempted above what we are able, and wilt
with the temptation also make a way to escape, that we may be able to
bear it_.
We commend unto thee all mankind; especially thy church, and more
particularly these kingdoms, that we may all believe in our Lord
Jesus Christ, and be zealous of good works. Bless our sovereign,
his counsellors, his ministers, and all employed in public business,
whether spiritual or civil, that whatsoever they do may be for thy
glory, and the public good. Be gracious to all that are near and dear
to us, and keep us all in thy fear and love. Guide us, good Lord, and
govern us by the same spirit, that we may be so united to thee here, as
not to be divided when thou art pleased to call us hence, but together
enter into thy glory, to dwell with thee in love and joy that shall
never die, through Jesus Christ our blessed Lord and Saviour, who hath
taught us, when we pray, to say, “Our ♦Father, &c.”
♦ “-ther” replaced with “Father”
* * * * *
WEDNESDAY EVENING.
O LORD, _how manifold are thy works! in wisdom hast thou made them
all. The day is thine, the night also is thine; thou hast prepared the
light and the sun._ We render thee thanks for all the benefits which
thou hast bestowed on the whole world; especially on us, whom thou
hast called to the knowledge of thy grace in Christ Jesus. It is a
marvellous love wherewith thou hast loved us. Thou hast not dealt so
with all people: and as for thy great and precious promises, they have
not known them.
Accept, O merciful Father, the good resolutions which thou hast
inspired us with by thy Spirit. Strengthen them, we beseech thee, with
thy continued grace, that no sudden desires, vehement inclinations,
ineffectual purposes, no, nor partial performances, may lead us into a
false opinion of ourselves: but that we may bring forth actually, and
with a constant spirit, all the fruits of righteousness, which are by
Christ Jesus.
Deny not, O Lord, the desires of those souls, who would offer
up themselves entirely to thy service. But preserve us always in
seriousness of spirit. Let the sense of our weakness make us watchful
and diligent, the sense of our former negligence, excite us to be
fervent in spirit, and the goodness of thy commands render us fruitful
and abundant in the work of the Lord. O that all our pious affections
may be turned into actions of piety and holiness: and may all our
actions be spirited with zeal, and all our zeal regulated with prudence,
and our prudence void of all guile, and joined with perfect integrity
of heart: that adorning our most holy faith here, by an upright,
charitable and discreet conversation, we may receive praise in the day
of the Lord, and be numbered with thy saints in glory everlasting.
O lift up our affections to things above, that we may have perfect
contentment in well-doing and patient suffering, and the good hope we
have of being eternally beloved of thee, may make us rejoice evermore.
Free us from the cares of the world, from all distrust of thy good
providence, from repining at any thing that befals us, and enable us
in every thing to give thanks, believing that all things are ordered
wisely, and shall work together for good.
Into thy hands we commend both our souls and bodies, which thou hast
mercifully preserved this day. We trust in thy watchful providence, who
_givest thy angels charge over us_, who _art about our beds, and about
our paths, and spiest out all our_ thoughts. O continue these holy
thoughts and desires in us till we fall asleep, that we may receive the
light of the morning, if thou prolongest our lives, with a new joy in
thee, and thankful affection to thee.
We desire likewise, O God, the good of the whole world. Pity the
follies of mankind; deliver them from their miseries, and forgive thou
all their sins. Hear the groans of every part of the creation, that is
yet _subject to bondage_, and bring them all _into the glorious liberty
of the sons_ of God. Hear the daily prayers of the Catholic church.
Free her from all foul and dividing errors: let the truth as ♦is in
Jesus, prevail, and _peace be in all her borders_. O that all Christian
governors may _seek peace and ensue it_! Make thy ministers the
messengers of peace, and dispose all who are called Christians, to keep
the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.
♦ “it” replaced with “is”
Enlighten the minds of all _Jews_, _Turks_, and Infidels. Strengthen
all thy faithful servants. Bring back them that wander out of the way;
raise up those that are fallen; confirm those that stand, and grant
them steadily to persevere in faith, love and obedience. Relieve and
comfort all that are in distress. Let the earth bring forth her fruit
in due season: and let all honest and industrious people be blest in
their labours.
Remember all those who have done good unto us, and reward them
sevenfold into their bosom. Grant forgiveness and charity to all our
enemies; and continue good-will among all our neighbours. Support the
sick with faith and patience; assist those who are leaving this world.
Receive the souls which thou hast redeemed with thy Son’s precious
blood, and sanctified by the Holy Ghost. And give us all a glorious
resurrection and eternal life. “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
THURSDAY MORNING.
O LORD, the God of our salvation, _thou art the hope of all the ends
of the earth_. Upon thee the eyes of all do wait; for thou givest unto
all life and breath and all things. Thou still watchest over us for
good; thou daily renewest to us our lives and thy mercies: and thou
hast given us the assurance of thy word, that if we commit our affairs
to thee, if we acknowledge thee in all our ways, thou wilt direct our
paths. We desire, O Lord, to be still under thy gracious conduct and
fatherly protection. We beg the guidance and help of thy good Spirit,
to chuse our inheritance for us, and to dispose of us, and all that
concerns us, to the glory of thy name.
O Lord, withdraw not thy tender mercies from us, nor the comforts
of thy presence! Never punish our past sins, by giving us over to
the power of our sins: but pardon all our sins, and save us from all
our iniquities. And grant us, O good God, the continual sense of thy
gracious acceptance of us, in the Son of thy love, that our souls may
bless thee, and _all that is within us may praise thy holy name_.
And O that we may find the joy of the Lord to be our strength; to
defend us from all our sins, and to make us more zealous of every good
work: that herein we may _exercise ourselves, to have a conscience
void of offence, both towards God and towards men_. O help _us to walk
circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise_, carefully _redeeming the
time_, improving all those seasons and means of grace, which thou art
pleased to put into our hands. Sanctify to us all our employments in
the world; our crosses also and our comforts; all the estates we go
through, and all the events that befal us, till through the merits of
thy Son, and the multitude of thy mercies, we are conducted safe to
_be ever with the Lord_.
Thou _hast laid help for us upon one that is mighty_; that is _able
to save unto the uttermost, all those who come unto God thro’ him_.
Through him thou hast encouraged us to come boldly, that we _may obtain
mercy, and find grace to help in time of need_. Help us, we beseech
thee, to demean ourselves as becomes the children of God, the redeemed
of the Lord, the members of Christ. Put thy Spirit within us, causing
us to walk in thy statutes, and to keep thy judgments, and do them. Yea
let it be our meat and drink to do thy will, and to run the way of thy
commandments.
O gracious Father, keep us we pray thee, this day in thy fear and
favour, and teach us, in all our thoughts, words, and works, to live to
thy glory. If thou guide us not we go astray; if thou uphold us not, we
fall. O let thy good providence be our defence, and thy good Spirit our
guide, and counsellor, and supporter in all our ways. And grant that we
may do always what is acceptable in thy sight, through Jesus Christ our
Lord; in whose holy name and words we close these our imperfect prayers:
“Our Father, &c.”
Let thy grace, O Lord Jesus, thy love, O heavenly Father, and thy
comfortable fellowship, O blessed Spirit, be with us, and with all that
desire our prayers, this day and for evermore.
* * * * *
THURSDAY EVENING.
O LORD our God, thy glory is above all our thoughts, and thy mercy is
over all thy works. We are still living monuments of thy mercy. For
thou hast not cut us off in our sins, but still givest us a good hope
and strong consolation thro’ grace. Thou hast sent thy only Son into
the world, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish in his
sins, but have everlasting life. O Lord, we believe: help our unbelief;
and give us the true _repentance towards_ God, _and faith in our_ Lord
Jesus Christ, that we may be in the number of those, who do indeed
repent and _believe to the saving of the soul. Being justified by
faith_, let us _have peace with_ God _thro’ our_ Lord Jesus Christ, let
us _rejoice in him thro’ whom we have now redemption in his blood_; and
let _the love of_ God _be shed abroad in our hearts, by the_ Holy Ghost
_which is given unto us_.
And as we pray that thou wilt be to us a father of mercies and a God
of consolation, so that thou wilt make us _followers of_ God _as dear
children_, ever jealous over our hearts, and watchful over our ways;
continually fearing to offend, and endeavouring to please thee. Thou
knowest, O Lord, all our temptations, and the sin that doth so easily
beset us. Thou knowest the devices of the enemy, and the deceitfulness
of our own hearts. We pray thee, good Lord, that thou wilt arm us with
the whole armour of God. Uphold us with thy free spirit, and watch over
us for good evermore.
Let our supplications also ascend before thee, for the whole race
of mankind. Send thy word unto all the ends of the earth, and let it
be the savour of life unto all that hear it. Be gracious to this our
native land. O do thou rule all our rulers, counsel all our counsellors,
teach all our teachers, and order all the public affairs to thy
glory. Turn from us the judgments which we feel or fear; continue
thy blessings to our souls and bodies, and notwithstanding all our
provocations, be thou still our God, and let us be thy people. Have
compassion on all the children of affliction, and sanctify thy fatherly
corrections to them. Be gracious to all our friends and neighbours.
Reward our benefactors. Bless our relations with the best of thy
blessings, with thy fear and love. Preserve us from our enemies, and
reconcile them both to us and to thyself. O that all the habitations
of Christians may be houses of prayer! And be thou especially kind to
the several families where thy blessed name is called upon. Let thy
blessing rest upon us of this family. Bless all our present estates to
us; and fit us all for whatsoever thou shall be pleased to call us to.
O teach us _how to want and how to abound_. In every condition secure
our hearts to thyself; and make us ever to approve ourselves sincere
and faithful in thy service.
And now, O Father of mercies, be pleased to accept our evening
sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving. O that thou wouldst imprint and
preserve upon our hearts a lively sense of all thy kindness to us; that
our souls may bless thee, and all that is within us may praise thy holy
name. Yea, let us give thee thanks from the ground of the heart, and
praise our God, while we have our being, for all thy patience with us,
thy care over us, and thy continual mercy to us, blessed be thy name, O
Lord God, our heavenly Father, and unto thee, with the Son of thy love,
and Spirit of grace, be all thanks and praise, now and for evermore.
* * * * *
FRIDAY MORNING.
O LORD God, _merciful and gracious, long-suffering and abundant in
goodness and truth_; thou _keepest mercy for thousands; thou pardonest
iniquity and transgression and sin. How excellent is thy loving
kindness, O_ God! _The children of men shall put their trust under
the shadow of thy wings!_ And therefore do we still look up to that
bountiful hand, from whence we have received all our good things. O
Lord our God, be favourable unto us; as thou usest to be unto those
that love thy holy name! O look not upon the sin of our nature, nor
the sins of our hearts and lives, which are more than we can remember,
and greater than we can express. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we
are not consumed, because thy compassions fail not. But thou lookest
upon the face of thine anointed, who was manifested to take away our
sins: by whom it is that we have the access unto the Majesty on high.
O God, be merciful to us miserable sinners; for his sake whom _thou
hast exalted, to be a prince and a Saviour, to give repentance_ unto
thy people _and forgiveness of sins_. Be merciful O God, be merciful
unto our souls which have greatly sinned against thee. O heal our
backslidings: renew us to repentance: establish our hearts in thy fear
and love; and establish our goings in thy way, that our footsteps slip
not. Let us waver no more; let us never more be weary or faint in our
minds. Let us not revolt from thee, or turn to folly again, after thou
hast spoken peace to our souls: but may we go on conquering and to
conquer all the enemies of our souls, and all the hindrances of our
salvation, till thou hast bruised Satan under our feet.
Seeing there is in Christ Jesus an infinite fulness of all that we
can want or wish, O that we may all receive of his fulness, grace upon
grace! Grace to pardon our sins, and subdue our iniquities; to justify
our persons, and to sanctify our souls: and to compleat that holy
change, that renewal of our hearts, whereby we may be transformed into
that blessed image wherein thou didst create us. O make us all meet to
be partakers of the inheritance of thy saints in light.
And teach us, O God, to use this world without abusing it: and to
receive the things needful for the body, without losing our part in thy
love, which is better than life itself. Whatever we have of this world,
O may we have the same with thy leave and love; sanctified to us by the
word of God and by prayer; and by the right improvement thereof to thy
glory. And whatever we want of worldly things, leave us not destitute
of the _things that accompany salvation_; but adorn our souls with all
such graces of thy holy Spirit, that we may adorn the doctrine of God
our Saviour in all things.
And now, that thou hast renewed our lives and thy mercies to us this
morning, help us to renew our desires and resolutions, and endeavours
to live in obedience to thy holy will. O restrain us from the sins into
which we are most prone to fall, and quicken us to the duties we are
most averse to perform. And grant that we may think and speak, and will
and do, the things becoming the children of our heavenly Father; and so
find the strong consolation of thy gracious acceptance in Jesus Christ
our Saviour: who, when we pray, hath taught us to say, “Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
FRIDAY EVENING.
O LORD, thou wast before all, thou art above all, and thy years shall
not fail. Thou art the searcher of our hearts. Thou knowest the dulness
and hardness, the vanity and deceitfulness of them: we were born
sinners, and so have we lived. We have added sin to sin. We have abused
thy great and manifold mercies, tempted thy patience, and despised thy
goodness. And justly mightest thou have cast us into outer darkness,
where is wailing and gnashing of teeth.
But of thy loving kindnesses there is no number. Thou still callest
us to return to thee: and _whosoever cometh to thee, thou wilt in no
wise cast out_. O meet us with thy heavenly grace, that we may be able
to come to thee. Be thou graciously pleased to stretch forth thy hand,
and loose the chains wherewith our souls are entangled. O free us from
every weight of sin, from every yoke of bondage. O help us to feel, and
bewail, and forsake all our sins. And let us never want the comfortable
assurance of thy forgiveness of them, thy acceptance of us, and thy
love to us, in the blessed Son of thy eternal love.
Thou art never weary, O Lord, of doing us good. Let us never be weary
of doing thee service. But as thou hast pleasure in the prosperity of
thy servants, so let us take pleasure in the service of our Lord, and
abound in thy work, and in thy love and praise evermore. O fill up all
that is wanting, reform whatever is amiss in us, and perfect the thing
that concerneth us. Let the witness of thy pardoning love ever abide
in all our hearts. O speak into every one of our souls the peace which
passeth all understanding: and let us always look upon thee as our
Father, reconciled to us in Jesus Christ.
In his great name we cry unto thee in the behalf of the whole race
of mankind. O that all the ends of the earth may see the salvation of
our God. Continue thy mercies to this sinful land; teach us at length
to know thy will concerning us: and oh! turn thou all our hearts unto
thee, as the heart of one man. Bless the king; O Lord prolong his days
and prosper his government; make him always a _terror to evil-doers,
and a praise to them that do well_. And grant unto all magistrates
and ministers of thy word, a continual supply of all the needful gifts
and graces of the holy Spirit. Be thou a father to the fatherless, a
husband to the widow, a refuge to the oppressed, a physician to the
sick, a helper of the friendless, a God of consolation to the sorrowful
and distressed. Bless to us whatsoever thou art pleased to allot us,
and every thing that befals us. Make all work for our good, to build us
up in thy grace, and to help us on to thy glory.
Continue thy fatherly care over us this night. O preserve and defend,
and bless and keep us, that no evil may befal us, _nor any plague come
nigh our dwelling_. Give us comfortable sleep to strengthen us for thy
service. And whenever thou callest us to the sleep of death, let us
chearfully resign our spirits into thy hands, through the riches of
thy grace, and the worthiness of thy Son, in whose merits and mediation
alone we put our trust. And for all that he hath done and suffered for
us, to thy name, O blessed God of our salvation, be the praise, and
honour, and glory, given by us and all thy people, now and for evermore.
“Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
SATURDAY MORNING.
WE present ourselves before thee, O Lord our God, to pay our tribute of
prayer and thanksgiving; desiring thee mercifully to accept us and our
services, at the hands of Jesus Christ. In his great name we come to
beg thy pardon and peace, the increase of thy grace, and the tokens of
thy love. For we are not worthy of the least of thy mercies. But worthy
is the Lamb that was slain to take away the sin of the world; for whose
sake thou wilt give us all things. For he hath fulfilled those holy
laws which we had broken, and perfectly satisfied for our offences.
And in him thou art a God gracious and merciful to those who deserve
nothing but punishment.
O merciful Father, regard not what we have done _against thee_: but
what our blessed Saviour hath done _for us_. Regard not what we have
made ourselves; but what he is made unto us of thee our God. O that
Christ may be to every one of our souls, _wisdom and righteousness,
sanctification, and redemption_! That his precious _blood_ may _cleanse
us from all our sins_; and that thy holy Spirit may renew and sanctify
our souls. May he crucify our flesh with its affections and lusts, and
mortify all our members which are upon earth. O let not _sin reign in
our mortal bodies, that we should obey it in the lusts thereof_; but
_being made free from sin, let us be the servants of righteousness_.
Let us approve our hearts to thee, and let all our ways be pleasing in
thy sight.
O teach us to know thee our God, and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent:
and enable us to do thy will on earth, as it is done in heaven. Give
us to fear thee and to love thee, to trust and delight in thee, and
to cleave to thee with full purpose of heart, that no temptations
may draw us or drive us from thee; but that all thy dispensations to
us and thy dealings with us may be the messengers of thy love to our
souls. Quicken us, O Lord, in our dulness, that we may not serve thee
in a lifeless and listless manner: but may abound in thy work, and be
fervent in spirit, serving the Lord. And make us faithful in all our
intercourse with our neighbour, that we may be ready to do good and
bear evil, that we may be just and kind, merciful and meek, peaceable
and patient, sober and temperate, humble and self-denying, inoffensive
and useful in the world; that so glorifying thee here, we may be
glorified with thee in thy heavenly kingdom.
Day by day we magnify thee, O Lord, who makest every day an addition
to thy mercies. We bless thee for preserving us the night past, and
for the rest thou gavest us therein. O cause us to hear thy loving
kindness in the morning; for in thee do we trust. Cause us to know the
way wherein we shall go, for we lift up our souls unto thee. O take
not thy holy Spirit from us: but direct all our ways to please thee
our God. Help us to see thy power, to own thy presence, to admire thy
wisdom, and to love thy goodness in all thy creatures: and by all, draw
our hearts still nearer to thee. Such thy mercy and grace we beg for
ourselves, and all ours and thine every where, in our great Mediator’s
blessed words.
“Our Father, &c.”
* * * * *
SATURDAY EVENING.
O LORD our God, thou art infinitely good, and thou hast shewed us what
is good. Thou sendest out thy light and thy truth, that they may guide
us, and makest plain thy way before our face. Thou givest us many
opportunities and advantages, to quicken and further us in thy service.
We have _line upon line_, and _precept upon precept_; thy messengers
early and late, to open and apply thy word, to call and warn, to direct
and exhort us with all long-suffering. But how little have we improved
all the precious talents, which thou hast put into our hands! O Lord,
thou mightest justly take away the gospel of thy kingdom from us, and
give it unto another people, who would bring forth the fruits thereof.
Because thou hast called and we refused, thou hast stretched forth
thy hands, and we have not regarded, thou mightest leave us to our own
perverseness and impenitence, till our iniquities became our ruin.
But, O Lord God, enter not thus into judgment with thy servants. Pardon
all our contempt of thy word, and our not profiting thereby. And help
us for the time to come, better to improve the blessed opportunities
set before us. _As the rain descends from heaven and returns not
thither, but waters the earth and maketh it fruitful: so let not thy
word return unto thee void, but prosper in the work whereunto thou
sendest it._ O make it effectual to build us all up, in the true fear
and love of God, and in the right knowledge and faith of our Lord Jesus
Christ.
O gracious God, may thy Spirit cause thy word to work thoroughly and
successfully in all our hearts. And as we daily _receive, how we ought
to walk and to please thee_ our God; so help us to _walk worthy of the
Lord, unto all well-pleasing_: increasing in the knowledge and love of
thee, and abounding more and more in every good work, which is pleasing
in thy sight, through Jesus Christ.
At his hands, O Lord our God, we beg thy gracious acceptance, of our
humble praise and thanksgiving, for all thy blessings, spiritual and
temporal, so freely conferred upon us. We praise thee for all the
comforts and conveniencies of this life, and for all the means and
hopes of a better: particularly for what we have received this day; the
food of our souls set before us; the word of salvation sounding in our
ears, and the Spirit of God striving with our hearts. O withdraw not
thy tender mercies from us, but still continue thy accustomed goodness,
and increase thy grace and heavenly blessings upon us, and rejoice over
us to do us good.
In mercy pass by all which thy most pure and holy eyes have seen amiss
in us this day. Forgive the iniquities of our holy things; overlook
all our sins and failings, through our great Mediator and Redeemer,
who ever lives at thy right-hand to make intercession for us. And for
Jesus Christ, and all which thou art pleased to give us together with
him; _not unto us, O Lord, but unto thy name_ be all the praise and
honour and glory, humbly ascribed by us, and all thy church, now and
for evermore!
“Our Father, &c.”
An ADDRESS to the
CLERGY.
_Brethren and Fathers_,
LET it not be imputed to forwardness, vanity or presumption, that one
who is of little esteem in the church, takes upon him thus to address
a body of people, to many of whom he owes the highest reverence. I owe
a still higher regard to him who I believe requires this at my hands;
to the great bishop of our souls; before whom both you and I must
shortly give an account of our stewardship. It is a debt I owe to love,
to real, disinterested affection, to declare what has long been the
burden of my soul. And may the God of love enable you to read these
lines, in the same spirit wherewith they were wrote! It will easily
appear to an unprejudiced reader, that I do not speak from a spirit
of anger or resentment. I know well, _the wrath of man worketh not
the righteousness of God_. Much less would I utter one word out of
_contempt_; a spirit justly abhorred by God and man. Neither of these
can consist with that earnest, tender love, which is the motive of my
present undertaking. In this spirit I desire to _cast_ my _bread upon
the waters_; it is enough, if I _find it again after many days_.
Meantime you are sensible, love does not forbid, but rather require
plainness of speech. Has it not often constrained you as well as me,
to lay aside not only disguise, but reserve also? And _by manifestation
of the truth to commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the
sight of God_? And while I endeavour to do this, let me earnestly
entreat you, for the love of God, for the love of your own soul, for
the love of the souls committed to your charge, yea, and of the whole
church of _Christ_, do not bias your mind, by thinking _who_ it is
that speaks; but impartially consider, _what_ is spoken. And if it be
false or foolish, reject it: but do not reject _the words of truth and
soberness_.
My first design was, to offer a few plain thoughts to the clergy of our
own church only. But upon farther reflection, I see no cause for being
so _straitened in my own bowels_. I am a debtor to all: and therefore
though I primarily speak to them with whom I am more immediately
connected, yet I would not be understood to exclude any, of whatsoever
denomination, whom God has called to _watch over the souls of others,
as they that must give account_.
In order to our giving this account with joy, are there not two things
which it highly imports us to consider, _first_, What manner of men
ought we to be? _Secondly_, Are we such, or are we not?
I. And, _first_, If we are _overseers over the church of God, which he
hath bought with his own blood_, what manner of men ought we to be, in
_gifts_ as well as in _grace_?
(1.) To begin with _gifts_, and 1. with those that are from _nature_.
Ought not a minister to have, _1st_, A good understanding? A clear
apprehension, a sound judgment, and a capacity of reasoning with some
closeness? Is not this necessary in an high degree for the work of
the ministry? Otherwise how will he be able to understand the various
states of those under his care? Or to steer them through a thousand
difficulties and dangers, to the haven where they would be? Is it
not necessary, with respect to the numerous enemies whom he has to
encounter? Can a fool cope with all the men that know not God? And
with all the spirits of darkness? Nay, he will neither be aware of
the devices of _Satan_, nor the craftiness of his children.
_2dly_, Is it not highly expedient that a guide of souls should have
likewise some liveliness and readiness of thought? Or how will he be
able, when need requires, to _answer a fool according to his folly_?
How frequent is this need? Seeing we almost every where meet with those
empty, yet petulant creatures, who are far _wiser in their own eyes,
than seven men that can render a reason_. Reasoning therefore is not
the weapon to be used with them. You cannot deal with them thus. They
scorn being _convinced_; nor can they be _silenced_, but in their own
way.
_3dly_, To a sound understanding, and a lively turn of thought, should
be joined a good _memory_: if it may be, _ready_, that you may make
whatever occurs in reading or conversation, your own; but however,
_retentive_, lest we be _ever learning, and never able to come to the
knowledge of the truth_. On the contrary, _every scribe instructed unto
the kingdom of heaven_, every teacher fitted for his work, _is like an
housholder who bringeth out of his treasures things new and old_.
2. And as to _acquired endowments_, can he take one step aright,
without, first, a competent share of _knowledge_? A knowledge, _1st_,
of his own office; of the high trust in which he stands, the important
work to which he is called? Is there any hope that a man should
discharge his office well, if he knows not what it is? That he should
acquit himself faithfully of a trust, the very nature whereof he does
not understand? Nay: if he _knows_ not the work God has given him to
do, he cannot _finish_ it.
_2dly_, No less necessary is a knowledge of the _scriptures_, which
teach us how to teach others: yea, a knowledge of all the scriptures;
seeing scripture interprets scripture; one part fixing the sense of
another. So that whether it be true or not, that every good textuary
is a good divine, it is certain, none can be a good divine who is not
a good textuary. None else can be _mighty in the scriptures_; able both
to instruct, and to stop the mouths of gainsayers.
In order to do this accurately, ought he not to know the literal
meaning of every word, verse and chapter, without which there can be
no firm foundation on which the spiritual meaning can be built? Should
he not likewise be able to deduce the proper corollaries, speculative
and practical, from each text; to solve the difficulties which arise,
and answer the objections which are or may be raised against it; and to
make a suitable application of all, to the consciences of his hearers?
_3dly_, But can he do this, in the most effectual manner, without
a knowledge of the _original tongues_? Without this, will he not
frequently be at a stand, even as to texts which regard practice
only? But he will be under still greater difficulties, with respect
to controverted scriptures. He will be ill able to rescue these out of
the hands of any man of learning that would pervert them: for whenever
an appeal is made to the original, his mouth is stopt at once.
_4thly_, Is not a knowledge of profane _history_ likewise, of antient
customs, of chronology and geography, tho’ not absolutely necessary,
yet highly expedient for him that would throughly understand the
scriptures? Since the want even of this knowledge is but poorly
supplied by reading the comments of other men.
_5thly_, Some knowledge of the _sciences_ also, is (to say the least)
equally _expedient_. Nay, may we not say, that the knowledge of one
(whether art or science) altho’ now quite unfashionable, is even
_necessary_, next, and in order to, the knowledge of the scripture
itself? I mean, _logic_. For what is this, if rightly understood,
but the _art of good sense_? Of apprehending things clearly, judging
truly, and reasoning conclusively? What is it, viewed in another
light, but the _art of learning and teaching_? Whether by convincing
or persuading? What is there then, in the whole compass of _science_,
to be desired in comparison of it?
Is not some acquaintance with what has been termed The second part
of logic, _metaphysicks_, if not so necessary as this, yet highly
expedient, 1. In order to clear our apprehension (without which it
is impossible either to judge correctly, or to reason closely or
conclusively) by ranging our ideas under general heads: and, 2. In
order to understand many useful writers, who can very hardly be
understood without it?
Should not a minister be acquainted too with at least the general
grounds of _natural philosophy_? Is not this a great help to the
accurate understanding several passages of scripture? Assisted by this,
he may himself comprehend, and on proper occasions explain to others,
how _the invisible things of |God| are seen from the creation of the
world? how the heavens declare the glory of |God|, and the firmament
sheweth his handy work_: till they cry out, _O |Lord|, how manifold are
thy works! In wisdom hast thou made them all._
But how far can he go in this, without some knowledge of _geometry_?
which is likewise useful, not barely on this account, but to give
clearness of apprehension, and an habit of thinking closely and
connectedly.
It must be allowed indeed, that some of these branches of knowledge are
not so indispensably necessary as the rest; and therefore no thinking
man will condemn the fathers of the Church, for having in all ages
and nations, appointed some to the ministry, who suppose they had the
capacity, yet had not had the opportunity of attaining them. But what
excuse is this, for one who has the opportunity, and makes no use of
it? What can be urged for a person who has had an university education,
if he does not understand them all? Certainly, supposing him to have
any capacity, to have common understanding, he is inexcusable before
God and man.
_6thly_, Can any who spend several years in those seats of learning, be
excused, if they do not add to that of the _languages_ and _sciences_,
the knowledge of the _fathers_? The most authentic commentators on
scripture, as being both nearest the fountain, and eminently endued
with that spirit by whom _all scripture was given_? It will be easily
perceived, I speak chiefly of those who wrote before the council of
_Nice_. But who would not likewise desire to have some acquaintance
with those that followed them? With St. _Chrysostom_, _Basil_, _Jerome_,
_Austin_; and above all, the man of a broken heart, _Ephraim Syrus_.
_7thly_, There is yet another branch of knowledge highly necessary
for a clergyman, and that is, _knowledge of the world_; a knowledge of
men, of their maxims, tempers and manners, such as they occur in real
life. Without this he will be liable to receive much hurt, and capable
of doing little good; as he will not know, either how to deal with
men, according to the vast variety of their characters; or to preserve
himself from those, who almost in every place lie in wait to deceive.
How nearly allied to this, is, _the discernment of spirits_? so far as
it may be acquired by diligent observation. And can a guide of souls be
without it? If he is, is he not liable to stumble at every step?
_8thly_, Can he be without an eminent share of _prudence_? that most
uncommon thing which is usually called _common sense_? But how shall
we define it? Shall we say, with the schools, that it is, _recta ratio
rerum agibilium particularium_? Or is it, an habitual consideration of
all the circumstances of a thing?
_Quis, quid, ubi, quibus auxiliis, cur, quomodo quando?_
And a facility of adapting our behaviour to the various combinations
of them? However it be defined, should it not be studied with all care,
and pursued with all earnestness of application? For what terrible
inconveniences ensue, whenever it is remarkably wanting?
_9thly_, Next to _prudence_ or _common sense_ (if it be not
included therein) a clergyman ought certainly to have some degree of
_good-breeding_: I mean, address, easiness and propriety of behaviour,
wherever his lot is cast: perhaps one might add, he should have (tho’
not the stateliness; _for he is the servant of all_, yet) all the
_courtesy_ of a _gentleman_, joined with the correctness of a _scholar_.
Do we want a pattern of this? We have one in St. _Paul_, even before
_Felix_, _Festus_, King _Agrippa_. One can scarce help thinking, he was
one of the best bred men, one of the finest gentlemen in the world. O
that we likewise had the skill to _please all men, for their good unto
edification_!
In order to this, especially in our public ministrations, would not
one wish for a _strong, clear_, musical _voice_, and a _good delivery_,
both with regard to pronunciation and action? I name these here because
they are far more acquirable, than has been commonly imagined. A
♦remarkably weak and untuneable voice has by steady application become
strong and agreeable. Those who stammered almost at every word, have
learned to speak clearly and plainly. And many who were eminently
ungraceful in their pronunciation, and aukward in their gesture, have
in some time by art and labour not only corrected that aukwardness of
action, and ungracefulness of utterance, but have become excellent in
both, and in these respects likewise the ornaments of their profession.
♦ “remarkable” replaced with “remarkably” per Errata
What may greatly encourage those who give themselves up to the work,
with regard to all these endowments, many of which cannot be attained
without considerable labour, is this: they are assured of being
assisted in all their labour, by him who _teacheth man knowledge_. And
_who teacheth like him_? Who, like him, _giveth wisdom to the simple_?
How easy is it for him, (if we desire it, and _believe_ that he is both
able and willing _to do this_) by the powerful tho’ secret influences
of his Spirit, to open and enlarge our understanding; to strengthen
all our faculties; to bring to our remembrance whatsoever things are
needful, and to fix and sharpen our attention to them; so that we
may profit above all who depend wholly on themselves, in whatever may
qualify us for our masters work.
(2.) But all these things, however great they may be in themselves,
are little in comparison of those that follow. For what are all other
_gifts_, whether natural or acquired, when compared to the _grace_ of
God? And how ought this to animate and govern the whole _intention_,
_affection_, and _practice_ of a minister of _Christ_.
1. As to his _intention_, both in undertaking this important office,
and in executing every part of it, ought it not to be singly this, to
glorify God, and to save souls from death? Is not this absolutely and
indispensably necessary, before all and above all things? _If_ his
_eye be single, his whole body_, his whole soul, his whole work _will
be full of light_. God _who commanded light to shine out of darkness_,
will _shine on his heart_; will direct him in all his ways, will
give him to see the travel of his soul and be satisfied. But if his
eye, his intention be not single, if there be any mixture of meaner
motives, (how much more, if those were or are his _leading motives_
in undertaking or exercising this high office?) his _whole body_, his
whole soul will _be full of darkness_, even such as issues from _the
bottomless pit_: let not such a man think, that he shall have any
blessing from the Lord. No: The curse of God abideth on him. Let him
not expect to enjoy any settled peace, any solid comfort in his own
breast: neither can he hope, there will be any fruit of his labours,
any sinners converted unto God.
*2. As to his _affections_. Ought not a _steward of the mysteries of_
God, a shepherd of the souls for whom _Christ_ died, to be endued with
an eminent measure of love to God, and love to all his brethren? A love
the same in kind, but in degree far beyond that of ordinary Christians?
Can he otherwise answer the high character he bears, and the relation
wherein he stands? Without this, how can he go through all the toils
and difficulties which necessarily attend the faithful execution of
his office? Would it be possible for a parent to go through the pain
and fatigue of bearing and bringing up even one child, were it not for
that vehement affection, that inexpressible Στοργὴ, which the Creator
has given for that very end? How much less will it be possible for
any pastor, any spiritual parent to go through the pain and labour
of _travailing in birth for_, and bringing up many children, to the
measure of the full stature of _Christ_, without a large measure of
that inexpressible affection, which _a ♦stranger intermeddleth not
with_?
♦ “straning” replaced with “stranger”
He therefore must be utterly void of understanding, must be a madman of
the highest order, who on any consideration whatever, undertakes this
office, while he is a stranger to this affection. Nay, I have often
wondered that any man in his senses, does not rather dig or thresh for
a livelihood, than continue therein, unless he feels at least (which
is _extremâ lineâ amare_) such an earnest concern for the glory of God,
and such a thirst after the salvation of souls, that he is ready to do
any thing, to lose any thing, or to suffer any thing, rather than one
should perish for whom _Christ_ died.
And is not even this degree of love to God and man utterly inconsistent
with the love of the world? With the love of money or praise? With the
very lowest degree of either ambition or sensuality? How much less can
it consist with that poor, low, irrational, childish principle, the
love of diversions? (Surely even a _man_, were he neither a minister,
nor a Christian, should _put away childish things_.) Not only this, but
the love of pleasure, and what lies still deeper in the soul, the love
of ease, flees before it.
*3. As to his _practice. Unto the ungodly, saith_ God, _why dost thou
preach my laws_? What is a minister of _Christ_, a shepherd of souls,
unless he is all devoted to God? Unless he abstain with the utmost care
and diligence, from every evil word and work; from all appearance of
evil; yea, from the most innocent things, whereby any might be offended
or made weak? Is he not called above others, to be an _example to the
flock_, in his private as well as public character? An example of all
holy and heavenly tempers, filling the heart so as to shine through the
life? Consequently, is not his whole life, if he walks worthy of his
calling one incessant labour of love? One continued tract of praising
God, and helping man? One series of thankfulness and beneficence? Is
he not always humble, always serious, tho’ rejoicing evermore; mild,
gentle, patient, abstinent? May you not resemble him to a guardian
angel, ministering to those _who shall be heirs of salvation_? Is he
not one sent forth from God, to stand between God and man, to ♦guard
and assist the poor, helpless children of men, to supply them both with
light and strength, to guide them through a thousand known and unknown
dangers, ’till at the appointed time he returns with those committed to
his charge, to his and their Father who is in heaven?
♦ “gaurd” replaced with “guard”
*O who is able to describe such a messenger of God, faithfully
executing his high office? Working together with God, with the great
Author both of the old and new creation! See his Lord the eternal
Son of God, going forth on that work of omnipotence, and creating
heaven and earth by the breath of his mouth! See the servant whom he
delighteth to honour, fulfilling the counsel of his will, and in his
name speaking the word whereby is raised a new spiritual creation.
Impowered by him, he says to the dark, unformed void of nature, _let
there be light: and there is light. Old things are passed away: behold
all things are become new._ He is continually employed, in what the
angels of God have not the honour to do, co-operating with the Redeemer
of men, in _bringing many children to glory_.
Such is a true minister of _Christ_. And such, beyond all possibility
of dispute, ought both you and I to be.
II. But are we such? What are we in the respects above named? It is a
melancholy, but necessary consideration. It is true, many have wrote
upon this subject; and some of them admirably well. Yet few, if any,
at least in our nation, have carried their enquiry through all these
particulars. Neither have they always spoken so plain and home, as
the nature of the thing required. But why did they not? Was it because
they were unwilling to give pain to those whom they loved? Or were
they hindered by fear of disobliging? Or of incurring any temporal
inconvenience? Miserable fear! Is any temporal inconvenience whatever
to be laid in the ballance with the souls of our brethren? Or were
they prevented by shame, arising from a consciousness of their own
many and great defects? Undoubtedly this might extenuate the fault, but
not altogether remove it. For is it not a wise advice, _Be not ashamed
when it concerneth thy soul_? Especially, when it concerns the souls of
thousands also? In such a case may God
“Set as a flint our steady face,
“Harden to adamant our brow!”
But is there not another hindrance? Should not compassion, should not
tenderness hinder us from giving pain? Yes, from giving unnecessary
pain. But what manner of tenderness is this? It is like that of a
surgeon who lets his patient be lost, because he is too compassionate
to probe his wounds. Cruel compassion! Let me give pain, so I may save
life. Let me probe, that God may heal.
(1.) Are we then such as we are sensible we should be, _1st_, With
regard to natural endowments? I am afraid not. If we were, how many
stumbling-blocks would be removed out of the way of serious infidels?
Alas, what terrible effects do we continually see of that common, tho’
senseless imagination, “The boy, if he is fit for nothing else, will
do well enough for a parson?” Hence it is, that we see (I would to God
there were no such instance in all _Great-Britain_, or _Ireland_) dull,
heavy, blockish ministers; men of no life, no spirit; no _readiness_
of _thought_; who are consequently the jest of every pert fool, every
lively, airy coxcomb they meet. We see others whose _memory_ can retain
nothing: therefore they can never be men of considerable knowledge.
They can never know much even of those things which they are more
nearly concerned to know. Alas they are pouring the water into a leaky
vessel; and the broken cistern can hold no water. I do not say, with
_Plato_, That “all human knowledge is nothing but _remembring._” Yet
certain it is, that without _remembring_, we can have but a small share
of knowledge. And even those who enjoy the most retentive memory, find
great reason still to complain,
“Skill comes so slow, and life so fast does fly;
“We learn so little, and forget so much.”
And yet we see and bewail a still greater defect, in some that are in
the ministry. They want _sense_; they are defective in _understanding_;
their capacity is low and shallow: their apprehension is muddy and
confused: of consequence they are utterly incapable, either of forming
a true judgment of things, or of reasoning justly upon any thing. O
how can these who themselves know nothing aright, impart knowledge to
others? How instruct them in all the variety of duty, to God, their
neighbour, and themselves? How will they guide them through all the
mazes of error, through all the intanglements of sin and temptation?
How will they apprize them of the _devices of_ Satan, and guard them
against all _the wisdom of the world_?
It is easy to perceive, I do not speak this for _their_ sake; (for they
are incorrigible) but for the sake of parents, that they may open their
eyes and see, A blockhead can never “_do well enough_ for a parson.”
He may do well enough for a tradesman; so well as to gain fifty or an
hundred thousand pounds. He may do well enough for a soldier; nay, (if
you pay well for it) for a very well-drest and well-mounted officer.
He may do well enough for a sailor, and may shine on the quarter-deck
of a man of war. He may do so well, in the capacity of a lawyer or
physician, as to ride in his gilt chariot. But O! think not of his
being a minister, unless you would bring a blot upon your family, a
scandal upon our church, and a reproach on the gospel, which he may
murder, but cannot teach.
Are we such as we are sensible we should be, _2dly_, With regard
to _acquired endowments_? Here the matter (suppose we have common
understanding) lies more directly within our own power. But under
this, as well as the following heads, methinks, I would not consider
at all, how _many_ or how _few_, are either excellent or defective. I
would only desire every person who reads this, to apply it to himself.
Certainly some one in the nation is defective. Am not I the man?
Let us each seriously examine himself. Have I 1. Such a _knowledge of
scripture_, as becomes him who undertakes so to explain it to others,
that it may _be a light in all their paths_? Have I a full and clear
view of the analogy of faith, which is the clue to guide me through
the whole? Am I acquainted with the several parts of scripture; with
all parts of the Old Testament and the New? Upon the mention of any
text, do I know the context, and the parallel places? Have I that
point at least of a good divine, the being a good textuary? Do I know
the grammatical construction of the four gospels? Of the acts? Of the
epistles? And am I a master of the spiritual sense (as well as the
literal) of what I read? Do I understand the scope of each book, and
how every part of it tends thereto? Have I skill to draw the natural
inferences deducible from each text? Do I know the objections raised to
them or from them by _Jews_, _Deists_, _Papists_, _Arians_, _Socinians_,
and all other sectaries, who more or less _corrupt_ or _cauponize the
word of_ God? Am I ready to give a satisfactory answer to each of these
objections? And have I learned to _apply_ every part of the sacred
writings, as the various states of my hearers require?
2. Do I understand _Greek_ and _Hebrew_? Otherwise how can I undertake
(as every minister does) not only to explain books which are written
therein, but to defend them against all opponents? Am I not at the
mercy of every one who does understand, or even pretends to understand
the original? For which way can I confute his pretence? Do I understand
the language of the Old Testament? Critically? At all? Can I read
into _English_ one of _David’s psalms_? Or even the first chapter of
_Genesis_? Do I understand the language of the New Testament? Am I a
critical master of it? Have I enough of it even to read into _English_
the first chapter of St. _Luke_? If not, how many years did I spend
at school? How many at the university? And what was I doing all those
years? Ought not shame to cover my face?
*3. Do I understand _my own office_? Have I deeply considered before
God the character which I bear? What is it to be an ambassador of
Christ? An envoy from the King of heaven? And do I know and _feel_ what
is implied in _watching over the souls_ of men, _as he that must give
account_?
Do I understand so much of profane _history_ as tends to confirm and
illustrate the sacred? Am I acquainted with the antient _customs_ of
the _Jews_ and other nations mentioned in scripture? Have I a competent
knowledge of _chronology_, that at least which refers to the sacred
writings? And am I so far (if no farther) skilled in _geography_, as
to know the situation, and give some account of all the considerable
places mentioned therein?
5. Am I a tolerable master of the _sciences_? Have I gone through the
very gate of them, _logic_? If not, I am not likely to go much farther,
when I stumble at the threshold. Do I understand it, so as to be ever
the better for it? To have it always ready for use? So as to apply
every rule of it, when occasion is, almost as naturally as I turn my
hand? Do I understand it at all? Are not even the _moods_ and _figures_
above my comprehension? Do not I poorly endeavour to cover my ignorance,
by affecting to laugh at their barbarous names? Can I even reduce
an _indirect_ mood to a _direct_? An _hypothetic_ to a _categorical_
syllogism? Rather, have not my stupid indolence and laziness, made
me very ready to believe what the little wits and pretty gentlemen
affirm, “That logic is good for nothing?” It is good for this at least
(wherever it is understood) to make people _talk less_; by shewing
them both what is, and what is not to the point; and how extremely
hard it is to _prove_ any thing. Do I understand _metaphysics_? If not
the depths of the schoolmen, the subtleties of _Scotus_ or _Aquinas_,
yet the first rudiments, the general principles of that useful
_science_? Have I conquered so much of it, as to clear my apprehension
and range my ideas under proper heads? So much as enables me to read
with ease and pleasure as well as profit, Dr. _Henry More_’s Works,
_Malebranche’s Search after Truth_, and Dr. _Clark’s Demonstration of
the Being and Attributes of God_? Do I understand _natural philosophy_?
If I have not gone deep therein, have I digested the general grounds
of it? Have I mastered _Gravesande_, _Keil_, Sir _Isaac Newton’s
Principia_, with his _Theory of Light and Colours_? In order thereto,
have I laid in some stock of _mathematical_ knowledge? Am I master of
the mathematical A B C, of _Euclid’s Elements_? If I have not gone thus
far, if I am such a novice still, what have I been about ever since I
came from school?
6. Am I acquainted with the _fathers_? At least with those venerable
men, who lived in the earliest ages of the church? Have I read over
and over the golden remains of _Clemens Romanus_, of _Ignatius_ and
_Polycarp?_ And have I given one reading, at least, to the works of
_Justin Martyr_, _Tertullian_, _Origen_, _Clemens Alexandrinus_ and
_Cyprian_?
7. Have I any knowledge of the _world_? Have I studied _men_ (as
well as books) and observed their tempers, maxims and manners? Have I
learned, to _beware of men_? To add the wisdom of the serpent to the
innocence of the dove? Has God given me by nature, or have I acquired,
any measure of the _discernment of spirits_? Or of its near ally,
_prudence_, enabling me on all occasions to consider all circumstances,
and to suit and vary my behaviour according to the various combinations
of them? Do I labour never to be rude or ill-mannered? Not to be
remarkably wanting in _good-breeding_? Do I endeavour to copy after
those who are eminent for address and easiness of behaviour? Am I (tho’
never light or trifling, either in word or action, yet) _affable_ and
_courteous_ to all men? And do I omit no means which is in my power,
and consistent with my character, of _pleasing all men_ with whom I
converse, _for their good, to edification_?
If I am wanting even in these lowest endowments, shall I not frequently
regret the want? How often shall I move heavily, and be far less useful
than I might have been? How much more shall I suffer in my usefulness,
if I have wasted the opportunities I once had of acquainting myself
with the great lights of antiquity, the _Antenicene_ fathers? Or if I
have droned away those precious hours, wherein I might have made myself
master of the _sciences_? How poorly must I many times drag on, for
want of the helps which I have vilely cast away? But is not my case
still worse, if I have loitered away the time wherein I should have
perfected myself in _Greek_ and _Hebrew_? I might before this have been
critically acquainted with the treasuries of sacred knowledge. But they
are now hid from my eyes; they are close locked up, and I have no key
to open them. However, have I used all possible diligence to supply
that grievous defect, (so far as it can be supplied now) by the most
accurate knowledge of the _English_ scriptures? Do I meditate therein
day and night? Do I think (and consequently speak) thereof, _when I sit
in the house, and when I walk by the way; when I lie down, and when I
rise up_? By this means have I at length attained a thorough knowledge
as of the sacred text, so of its literal and spiritual meaning?
Otherwise how can I attempt to instruct others therein? Without this,
I am _a blind guide_ indeed! I am absolutely incapable of teaching my
flock, what I have never learned myself: no more fit to lead souls to
God, than I am to govern the world.
(2.) And yet there is a higher consideration than that of _gifts_;
higher than any or all of these joined together; a consideration in
view of which all _external_ and all _intellectual endowments_ vanish
into nothing. Am I such as I ought to be, with regard to the _grace_ of
God? The Lord God enable me to judge aright of this!
And 1. What was my _intention_ in taking upon me this office and
ministry? What was it, in taking charge of this parish, either as
minister or curate? Was it always, and is it now, wholly and solely,
to glorify God, and save souls? Has my eye been singly fixed on this,
from the beginning hitherto? Had I never, have I not now, any mixture
in my intention; any alloy of baser metal? Had I, or have I no thought
of worldly gain? _Filthy lucre_, as the apostle terms it. Had I at
first, have I now, no secular view? No eye to honour or preferment? To
a plentiful income? Or, at least, a competency? A warm and comfortable
livelihood?
*Alas, my brother! _If the light that is in thee be darkness, how great
is that darkness?_ Was a _comfortable livelihood_ then your motive for
entering into the ministry? And do you avow this in the face of the sun,
and without one blush upon your cheek? I cannot compare you with _Simon
Magus_: you are many degrees beneath him. He offered to _give money_
for the _gift of_ God, the power of conferring the Holy Ghost. Hereby
however he shewed, that he set an higher value on _the gift_ than on
the _money_ which he would have parted with for it. But you do not:
you set a far higher value on _the money_ than on _the gift_; insomuch
that you do not desire, you will not accept of _the gift_, unless _the
money_ accompany it! The bishop said, when you was ordained, “Receive
thou the Holy Ghost.” But that was the least of your care. Let who will
receive this, so you receive the money, the revenue of a good benefice.
While you minister the word and sacraments before God, he gives the
Holy Ghost to those who duly receive them: so that _through your hands_
likewise _the Holy Ghost is_ in this sense _given_ now. But you have
little concern whether he be or not: so little, that you will minister
no longer, he shall be given no more either through your lips or hands,
if you have no more money for your labour. O _Simon_, _Simon_! what
a saint wert thou, compared to many of the most honourable men now in
Christendom?
Let not any either ignorantly or wilfully mistake me. I would _not
muzzle the ox that treadeth out the corn_. I know the spiritual
_labourer_ too _is worthy of his reward_; and that if _we sow_ unto
our flock _spiritual things_, it is meet that we _reap of their carnal
things_. I do not therefore blame, no, not in any degree, a minister’s
_taking_ a yearly salary: but I blame his _seeking_ it. The thing
blameable is, the having it in his view, as the motive, or any part
of the motive, for entering into this sacred office.
_Hic nigræ succus loliginis, hæc est Ærugo mera._
If preferment, or honour, or profit was in his eye, his _eye_ was not
_single_. And our Lord knew no medium between a _single_ and an _evil
eye_. The _eye_ therefore which is not _single_ is _evil_. It is a
plain, adjudged case. He then that has any other design in undertaking
or executing the office of a minister, than purely this, to glorify God
and save souls, his eye is not _single_. Of consequence, it is _evil_;
and therefore his _whole body_ must be _full of darkness. The light
which is in_ him _is_ very _darkness_: darkness covers his whole soul:
he has no solid peace: he has no blessing from God: And there is no
fruit of his labours.
It is no wonder, that they who _see no harm_ in this, see no harm in
adding one _living_ to another, and, if they can, another to that; yet
still _wiping their mouth_, and saying, they _have done no evil_. In
the very first step, their _eye_ was _not single_: therefore their mind
was filled with darkness. So they stumble on still in the same mire,
till their feet _stumble on the dark mountains_.
*It is pleaded indeed, That “a small living will not maintain a large
family.” Maintain? How? It will not _cloath_ them _in purple and fine
linen_; nor enable them to _fare sumptuously every day_. But will not
the living _you_ have now, afford you and yours the plain necessaries,
yea and conveniencies of life? Will it not maintain you in the frugal,
Christian simplicity, which becomes a minister of _Christ_? It will not
maintain you in pomp and grandeur, in elegant luxury, in fashionable
sensuality. So much the better. If your eyes were open, whatever your
income was, you would flee from these as from hell-fire.
It has been pleaded, secondly, “by having a larger income, I am able to
do more good.” But dare you aver, in the presence of God, that it was
_singly_ with this view, _only_ for this end, that you sought a larger
income? If not, you are still condemned before God; your _eye_ was not
_single_. Do not therefore quibble and evade. This was not your motive
of acting. It was not the desire of doing more good, whether to the
souls or bodies of men, it was not the love of God; (you know it was
not, your own conscience is as a thousand witnesses) but it was _the
love of money_, and _the desire of other things_, which animated you
in this pursuit. If then the word of God is true, you are in darkness
still: It fills and covers your soul.
I might add, a larger income does not necessarily imply a capacity
of doing more _spiritual good_. And this is the highest kind of good.
It is good to feed the hungry, to cloath the naked: But it is a far
nobler good, to _save souls from death_, to _pluck_ poor _brands out
of the burning_. And it is that to which you are peculiarly called,
and to which you have solemnly promised to “bend all your studies and
endeavours.” But you are by no means sure, that by adding a second
living to your first, you shall be more capable of doing good in this
kind, than you would have been, had you laid out all your time, and all
your strength, on your first flock.
“However I shall be able to do more _temporal good_.” You are not
sure even of this. _If riches encrease, they are increased that eat
them._ Perhaps your expences may rise proportionably with your income.
But if not, if you have a greater ability, shall you have a greater
willingness to do good? You have no reason in the world to believe this.
There are a thousand instances of the contrary. How many have less will,
when they have more power? Now they _have_ more money, they _love_ it
more. When they had little, they _did_ their _diligence gladly to give
of that little_: but since they have _had much_, they are so far from
_giving plenteously_, that they can hardly _afford_ to give at all.
“But by my having another living, I maintain a valuable man, who might
otherwise want the necessaries of life.” I answer, 1. Was this your
_whole_ and _sole_ motive, in seeking that other living? If not, this
plea will not clear you from the charge: your _eye_ was _not single_.
2. If it was you may put it beyond dispute. You may prove at once the
purity of your _intention_. Make that valuable man rector of one of
your parishes, and you are clear before God and man.
But what can be pleaded for those who have two or more flocks, and take
care of none of them? Who just look at them now and then for a few days,
and then remove to a convenient distance, and say, _soul, thou hast
much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease; eat, drink, and be
merry_?
*Some years ago I was asking a plain man, “Ought not _he who feeds
the flock, to eat of the milk of the flock_?” He answered, “Friend, I
have no objection to that. But what is that to him who _does not feed
the flock_? He stands on the far side of the hedge, and feeds himself.
It is another who feeds the flock. And ought _he_ to have the milk of
the flock? What canst thou say for him? Truly, nothing at all. And he
will have nothing to say for himself, when the great Shepherd shall
pronounce that just sentence, _bind_ the unprofitable servant _hand
and foot, and cast him into outer darkness_.”
I have dwelt the longer on this head, because a right _intention_ is
the first point of all, and the most necessary of all; inasmuch as the
want of this cannot be supplied by any thing else whatsoever. It is
the setting out wrong; a fault never to be amended, unless you return
to the place whence you came, and set out right. It is impossible
therefore to lay too great stress upon a single eye, a pure _intention_;
without which, all our sacrifice, our prayers, sermons and sacraments
are an abomination to the Lord.
I cannot dismiss this important article, without touching upon one
thing more. How many are _directly_ concerned therein, I leave to the
searcher of hearts.
You have been settled in a living or a curacy for some time. You are
now going to exchange it for another. Why do you do this? For what
reason do you prefer this before your former living or curacy? “Why, I
had but fifty pounds a year where I was before, and now I shall have an
hundred.” And is this your real motive of acting? The true reason why
you make the exchange? “It is: And is it not a sufficient reason?” Yes,
for a Heathen; but not for one who calls himself a Christian.
*Perhaps a more gross infatuation than this, was never yet known upon
earth. There goes one, who is commissioned to be an ambassador of
Christ, a shepherd of never-dying souls, a watchman over the _Israel_
of God, a steward of the mysteries which angels desire to look into.
Where is he going? “To _London_, to _Bristol_, to _Northampton_.” Why
does he go thither? “To get more money.” A tolerable reason for driving
an herd of bullocks to one market rather than the other; though if a
drover does this, without any farther view, he acts as an Heathen, not
a Christian. But what a reason for leaving the immortal souls, over
whom the Holy Ghost had made you overseer! And yet this is the motive
which not only influences in secret, but is acknowledged openly and
without a blush! Nay, it is executed, justified, defended; and that
not by a few, here and there, who are apparently void both of piety
and shame; but by numbers of seemingly religious men, from one end of
_England_ to the other!
2. Am I, secondly, such as I ought to be, with regard to my
_affections_? I am _taken from among, and ordained for men, in things
pertaining to God_. I stand between God and man, by the authority of
the great Mediator, in the nearest and most endearing relation both to
my Creator and my fellow-creatures. Have I accordingly given my heart
to God, and to my brethren for his sake? _Do I love God with all my
soul and strength?_ And my _neighbour_, every man as myself? Does this
love swallow me up? Possess me whole? Constitute my supreme happiness?
Does it animate all my passions and tempers, and regulate all my powers
and faculties? Is it the spring which gives rise to all my thoughts,
and governs all my words and actions? If it does, not unto me, but unto
God be the praise. If it does not, God _be merciful to me a sinner_!
At least, do I feel such a concern for the glory of God, and such a
thirst after the salvation of men, that I am ready to do any thing,
however contrary to my natural inclination, to part with any thing,
however agreeable to me, to suffer any thing, however grievous to flesh
and blood, so I may save one soul from hell? Is this my ruling temper
at all times and in all places? Does it make all my labour light? If
not what a weariness is it? What a drudgery? Had I not far better hold
the plough?
But is it possible this should be my ruling temper, if I still love the
world? No certainly, _If I love the world, the love of the Father is
not in me_. The love of God is not in me, if I love pleasure so called,
or diversion. Neither is it in me, if I am a lover of honour or praise,
or of dress, or of good eating and drinking. Nay, even indolence, or
the love of ease, is inconsistent with the love of God.
What a creature then is a coveteous, an ambitious, a luxurious,
an indolent, a diversion-loving clergyman? Is it any wonder that
infidelity should encrease, where any of these are to be found? That
many, comparing their spirit with their profession, should blaspheme
that worthy name whereby they are called? But _woe be unto him by whom
the offence cometh! It were good for that man if he had never been
born._ It were good for him now, rather than he should continue to turn
the lame out of the way, _that a mill-stone were hanged about his neck,
and he were cast into the depth of the sea_!
3. May not you, who are of a better spirit consider, thirdly, am I
such as I ought to be, with regard to my _practice_? Am I in my private
life, wholly devoted to God? Am I intent upon this one thing, to do in
every point _not my own will, but the will of him that sent me_? Do I
carefully and resolutely abstain from every evil word and work? _From
all appearance of evil?_ From all indifferent things, which might lay a
stumbling block in the way of the weak? Am I zealous of good works? As
I have time, do I do good to all men? And that in every kind, and in as
high a degree as I am capable?
How do I behave in the public work whereunto I am called? In my
pastoral character? Am I _a pattern_ to my _flock, in word, in
behaviour, in love, in spirit, in faith and purity_? Is my _word_,
my daily conversation, _always in grace_, always _meet to minister
grace to the hearers_? Is my _behaviour_ suitable to the dignity of my
_calling_? Do I walk as _Christ_ also walked? Does the _love_ of God
and man not only fill my heart but shine through my whole conversation?
Is the _spirit_, the temper which appears in all my words and actions,
such as allows me to say with humble boldness, herein _ye be followers
of me, as I am of_ Christ? Do all who have spiritual discernment take
knowledge, (judging of the tree by its fruits) that _the life which
I now live, I live by faith in the Son of_ God; and that _in_ all
_simplicity and godly sincerity I have my conversation in the world_?
Am I exemplarily _pure_ from all worldly desire? From all vile and
vain affections? Is my life one continued labour of love? One tract
of praising God and helping man? Do I in every thing see _him who is
invisible_? And _beholding with open face the glory of the_ Lord, _am I
changed into the same image from glory to glory, by the spirit of the_
Lord?
Brethren, is not this our calling, even as we are Christians? But more
eminently as we are ministers of _Christ_? And why (I will not say, do
we fall short, but why) are we satisfied with falling so short of it?
Is there any necessity laid upon us, of sinking so infinitely below our
calling? Who hath required this at our hands? Certainly not he by whose
authority we minister. Is not his will the same with regard to us, as
with regard to his first ambassadors? Is not his love, and is not his
power still the same, as they were in the antient days? Know we not,
that _Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever_! Why
then may not _you_ be as _burning and as shining lights_, as those that
shone seventeen hundred years ago? Do you desire to partake of the same
burning love, of the same shining holiness? Surely you do. You cannot
but be sensible, it is the greatest blessing which can be bestowed on
any child of man. Do you design it? Aim at it? _Press on to_ this _mark
of the prize of the high calling of_ God _in_ Christ Jesus? Do you
constantly and earnestly pray for it; Then as the Lord liveth, ye shall
attain. Only let us pray on, and _tarry at_ Jerusalem, _’till we be
endued with power from on high_. Let us continue in all the ordinances
of God, particularly in meditating on his word, in _denying ourselves,
and taking up our cross daily_, and _as we have time doing good to all
men_: and then assuredly _the great shepherd_ of us and our flocks,
will _make_ us _perfect in every good work, to do his will, and work
in us all that is well pleasing in his sight_! This is the desire and
prayer of
_Your Brother and Servant in our common LORD_,
JOHN WESLEY.
LONDON,
_February 6, 1756_.
A short ACCOUNT
OF THE DEATH OF
THOMAS HITCHENS.
_Bisveal_, near _Redruth, Cornwall_.
1. MY son, _Thomas Hitchens_, was born _April 14, 1723_. He went to
school till he was about ten years old. From school he went to work
at the stamps in dressing of tin oar, in which employment he continued
about six years. Afterwards he wrought in the tin works underground,
till about a year before his death. Then he went to dress tin-leavings
for me, having five or six boys under him. At the same time he plowed,
sowed, mowed, reaped, and managed all my husbandry; understanding every
thing both as to the tin and the land; so that we had scarce one in the
neighbourhood like him.
2. He was from a child of a very sober and a very sweet behaviour, and
remarkably dutiful to his parents. But about nineteen he began to go
revellings and hurlings, and sometimes to be merry with his companions.
Of this I now and then told him, but not sharply; for I counted both
him and his brother mighty good young men: and was not a little proud,
when people told me, “I had two likely sons, and as stout men as any in
the parish.” I thought it best therefore to let him have his liberty:
especially as I then saw no great harm in these things.
3. But he had done with these, from the hour he first heard the gospel
of the grace of God. He then _chose to suffer affliction with the
people of God, rather than to enjoy_ all _the pleasures of sin_. He had
no fear, in the hottest of the persecution. While the mob were pulling
down the house in which we used to meet, he stood at a small distance,
all the time, being nothing terrified; encouraged his brother and
said, “God will deliver us; only let us trust in him.” Nor was he at
all moved, when the showers of stones obliged us to stop up all our
windows with whole deals. One night we heard a great tumult and noise
as of much people and many cries. And it was told us, they were at the
house of one of our brethren, who lived about a quarter of a mile off:
_Thomas_ did not take time to go the road way, (tho’ it was exceeding
dark;) but ran directly through the grounds and over the hedges, ’till
he came to the house. The mob, hearing the sound of feet, ran away, not
one being left behind. So, said _Thomas_, the scripture is fulfilled.
_One of you shall chase a thousand._ As he came into the house, the
family too were preparing to run out of it. But he soon convinced them,
they had no cause to fear, and they mightily rejoiced together, and
praised God who had delivered them out of the hands of unreasonable and
cruel men. All the windows and doors were dashed in pieces; but none of
the family hurt at all, notwithstanding the vast quantities of stones,
which had fallen on all sides of them. One very large stone they found
in the cradle, close by a little child. But the child was not hurt. So
that in all things they saw the hand of God was over them for good.
4. About eighteen months ago, while his brother _William_ and he were
working in the pit with another man, the earth calved in upon the man,
who cried out for help, and _Thomas_ ran toward the place where he
was. In running his light went out: but he found the man by his voice,
tho’ not till he was almost covered in. Before he had cleared him, the
earth calved in again, and he was very near covered in himself. And
but that it stopt, they knew not how, in one minute more they must both
have perished together. _William_ hearing the noise, made up to the
place, and in some time relieved them both. Of this _Thomas_ often made
mention, praising God for his wonderful deliverance.
5. Some account of the manner wherein he found peace with God, (two or
three months after his brother) I lately found in his pocket-book. The
substance of it was this:
“In reading the three first chapters of St. _John_, while I was in
much trouble and heaviness of soul, the Lord gave me great comfort;
especially from these words, _To as many as believe in his name,
to them gave he power to become the sons of_ God. But soon after
I was stript of all, as though God had left me, a final cast-away.
Nevertheless I went into my closet, and with a heavy heart said, Lord,
I praise thee, that thou hast not given me over unto death. But how
shall I appear before thee? While I spoke, the Lord answered, and
applied these words, _I am thy righteousness_; which burst the cords
that before kept my spirit down.”
6. He often complained, that when he found great joy, he was in the
greatest danger both of pride and lightness: and therefore said, he had
much rather, if it were the will of God, be always in a mourning state.
He likewise found great temptation to pride when he was most blessed
in speaking to the people. And this was the main reason of his not
stirring up the gift of God which was in him.
7. He frequently repeated those words of St. _Paul_, _It is good for a
man not to touch a woman_; and those of _Job_, _I have made a covenant
with my eyes; why then should I think upon a maid_! He was very jealous
over himself when he was in company with those of a different sex. And
if no man besides himself was there, he generally quitted the company
as soon as he could.
8. In the latter part of his life he was much grown in grace and in the
knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. He sometimes saw, as he said, anger
and pride in himself; but they had no power: neither had the love or
desire of any creature; they were all in subjection under his feet. He
was more and more dead to all earthly things, and filled with the fire
of God’s love. The work of God had a deeper root in his heart and he
was more settled and established in the grace of God.
9. After his brother’s death, he declared he could not rest through the
earnestness of his desire to follow him. However in the mean time he
put in practice what _Samuel_ spoke of, namely meeting all the family
once a week. He reproved me and his mother in several things; but we
could not reprove him in any. I could not convince him or _Samuel_ of
sin, for two years or more.
10. On _Wednesday, September 10_, in the evening he found himself
out of order; he went to bed something earlier than usual, and soon
appeared to be in a high fever. But his confidence in God was still the
same, and all his words, both that night and the next day, convinced
all who came near him, that the peace of God continually ruled his
heart.
11. On _Thursday_ evening, between nine and ten, his sister sitting by
him said, “Lord, shall I call, and wilt thou not answer? No; it cannot
be. Thou hast promised every one that asks in faith shall receive.”
Then he began praying for his father and mother; for his brothers and
sisters, and in particular for her that sat by him. “O my God marry her
to thyself, make her all glorious within. Give her an undivided heart.”
He then prayed for himself. “Now come O my God, and sanctify me wholly.
Press me closer to thyself. Thou knowest, this is all my desire. Give
me power to declare thy wonderous works before I go hence. _O death
where is thy sting? O grave where is thy victory?_”
12. As _Mary Busvine_ came to the bedside he looked on her and said,
“Now I am free. Now my heart is at liberty. I will praise my God as
long as I have breath.” After speaking much to the same effect, he laid
still a small time, and then broke out into exceeding loud, vehement
prayer, his voice being quite altered and every sentence ♦pronounced
with uncommon emphasis. He prayed first for all estates and conditions
of men; that the church of Christ might spread over all the nations,
that ten thousand times ten thousand might be converted to God, and all
the people of the earth praise him. Then he prayed for all ministers of
the gospel, from the greatest even to the least; especially for those
whom God had lately employed to seek and save those that were lost
in _Cornwall_. Afterwards he prayed for _John Trembath_ that he might
live to the glory of God, who had brought him back from the gates of
death, and might be a means of saving many souls from the bitter pains
of eternal death. He then prayed for the society: “O Lord unite them as
the heart of one man. O Lord, give them eyes to see whereinsoever they
have departed from thee. O take from them the spirit of unthankfulness,
and suffer them not to bite or devour one another. Heal thou their
backslidings and spread over them the banner of thy love!”
♦ “pronunced” replaced with “pronounced”
13. With prayer there was continual praise intermixed. Sometimes he
was blessing God for what he had done; then praying, “O my God finish
thy work and take me into thy kingdom. Is this the day, O my God that
I shall kiss my brother in paradise?――O Lord the angels have already
praised thee at my conversion. Is this the day that I shall praise thee
with them? Yes, O my God, I am now going to join them, to sing praises
to thee for ever.”
Then he prayed with great earnestness for _Mary ♦Busvine_, and his own
sister (both of whom he had in the beginning of the evening desired,
to stay with him till he was in eternity) that they might never grow
weary or faint in their minds, that God would send down the spirit of
sanctification into their hearts, and give them resigned wills to bear
whatever his providence should lay upon them: adding, they shall run
and not be weary. I know we shall all meet together, and sing praises
unto him that sitteth on the throne, and to the Lamb, for ever and
ever.”
♦ “Bisvine” replaced with “Busvine” for consistency
He went on, “O how good is God to me, that he hath given me a tongue
to praise him! A little while, yet a little while, and I shall praise
him in heaven! O the goodness of God, that I a worm of the earth,
shall stand there, upon mount _Sion_, with the hundred and forty
and four thousand which _have washed their robes and made them white
in the blood of the Lamb_! Here is a privilege; here is a wonder:
that I am made a son of God and a joint-heir with Christ, and I shall
soon be where I shall behold him for ever! I, even I, who have been
a backslider from God! But he has healed my backslidings and loved me
freely.”
14. Soon after he said, “I love thee, O my God, Thou knowest that I
love thee, because thou hast first loved me. O what manner of love is
this, that God should stoop to love me! And he is coming to carry me
home. O! I see thousands and ten thousands of angels! Do you not see
them? O brother _Trembath_, do you not see what a glorious place I
am going to; I am going to join with angels and arch-angels, and with
all the company of heaven. I am going to reign with God, among ten
thousands of his saints and to bask in the beams of his love for ever.”
Then looking on _Mary Busvine_, he said, “Can’t you see Jesus Christ
coming, with an innumerable company of angels, and the golden banner
display’d! They are coming to carry me to the bosom of my God. Open
their eyes, O God, that they may see them. O what a good God have I
served! I am sanctified, soul, body, and spirit. I am whiter than snow.
I am washed in the blood of my Redeemer. Why, I am all God. My heart is
full of God! O let them who hear me now, praise thee for ever and ever!”
“And yet I have been unfaithful to my God. For he gave me a gift, but I
improved it not. I thought I was not worthy to stand in the highway and
call sinners to repentance. But, O God, thou hast forgiven me this also,
and I will preach thee now as long as I have breath.”
15. He ceased not thus praying and praising for an hour. His parents
then coming in (early on _Friday_ morning) he said, “O my mother,
you will not weep to see me going to such a loving God. My father
and mother will not be backsliders. No; I know that God loves them,
and that we shall all meet together in heaven, to praise him to all
eternity.” Then looking on his brother, about twelve years old, he said,
“Stand off, for fear you catch the distemper: for I fear you are not
prepared to die, you have played away the grace of God. The harvest may
come, before you are renewed in the image of God, and then how will you
appear? Cry mightily to God. Strive with all your might. Call upon him,
and God will hear.”
He then said, “Right my feet, that I may lie strait to resign my breath.
When I am dead, do you sing me all the way, sing my body to the grave,
lay me by my brother, and at the same time my spirit shall be joined
to his, and to ten thousand times ten thousand of angels and spirits,
singing praises to God and the Lamb for ever.”
16. Having spoken till he had no breath left, he paused; and in a short
time, began again, “Hear now the words of a dying man, a living wonder,
a Christian triumphing over death! O what a God do the Christians
serve! What a God I have served! Praise him with me for ever. Behold
the immense goodness of our God. O that all the world knew our God!
He has now made my heart free that I may praise him, and I cannot stop
while I have breath. Go, tell all the world of this. O brethren! What
a good God do we serve! Be not afraid to tell it abroad! Go, shew it to
all people, that they may come and serve him too.”
When he stopt speaking, the oppression on his breast returned. This he
took notice of and said, “While I am praising God, my heart is free:
but when I cease, I feel this load again. But I may well bear this; for
this is all the hell I shall have.” Then he broke out,
“See a soul escape to bliss,
Keep the Christian festival.”
“He hath washed me and I am whiter than snow. God is mine, and I am
God’s. I shall soon be with him.” Thus he continued, till he could
speak no more.
A short ACCOUNT of the Death of
SAMUEL HITCHENS.
_Bisveal_, near _Redruth, Cornwall_.
1. MY son, _Samuel Hitchens_, was born on the 23d of _March 1725_. He
was brought up to read and write. But he had almost forgot that, and
every thing which is good, until God sent his ministers into these
parts also, _to call sinners to repentance_. He was soon very deeply
convinced of sin: particularly, in the beginning of _January, 1744_,
while Mr. _Reeves_ was praying in my house. In the middle of our prayer,
he fell to the ground, and cried so hard, that it greatly surprized us
all. We were met, to take our leave of Mr. _Reeves_ and _John Daniel_,
who were going to _Bristol_. Mr. _Reeves_ raised him up, and strove to
comfort him. But he still cried out, “He was a lost, undone sinner.”
In the morning they set out before it was day. _Samuel_ would needs
go with them. He had not rode six miles, before God spoke peace to his
soul. He rode about ten miles further, and then returned home rejoicing.
2. But it was not long before his faith was tried. The devil first
strove to _reason_ him out of it. But he could not prevail. Then he
stirred up the world against him. They came in multitudes, threatening
to kill us all, and broke down the door and all the windows of the
house, where we used to meet. After we had repaired these, they came
and tore down the house itself, swearing they would also tear down the
house also where we lived. And we were forced to stop up the chamber
windows as well as we could, or we should have been stoned as we lay
in our beds.
3. When this did not move him, they got a warrant, and came to press
him for a soldier, much about the time that they had pressed the Rev.
Mr. _Graves_ at _St. Just_, and carried him on board the man of war.
And several of our neighbours who were quiet, industrious men, they did
press, by virtue of that warrant, and carried them away from their work,
and wives and families. But God suffered them not to touch him, though
he was daily in his shop; and going up and down about his business.
4. But he was not so well aware of another snare which was laid for
him: for soon after, having some thoughts of marriage, he gave way
by little and little, till he found his heart was quite drawn away
from God. Hereby he was quickly plunged into utter darkness of soul,
and fell under stronger convictions than at first. He often told his
brother, “he was in hell.” He wandered about in the fields by night,
_seeking rest, but finding none_; and often threw himself on the earth,
and beat his head against the ground. And once when his brother and
several others were present, he cast himself on the ground, _roaring_
aloud _for the disquietness of his heart_, and beat and cut himself in
several places.
5. He was quite delivered in a moment, in _December_ last, and the
Lord was with him as at the first. But after this deliverance, he began
more sensibly to feel his want of inward holiness. He had always walked
very circumspectly, having a tender conscience, even in the smallest
things, avoiding all light discourse, and finding constant power over
anger, his bosom-sin. But this did not make him shut his eyes against
the light, which shewed him the corruptions of his heart: And this
knowledge, in particular, he was willing to learn, even from the
meanest instrument. Nor did it cost any one much trouble to teach him;
for he was indeed a _man that feared always_: being so jealous of his
own heart and conduct, that half a sentence, sometimes a single word,
or even a look, would shew him what was amiss. And reproof, instead of
falling short, would frequently strike much deeper than was intended.
6. He was very zealous for the Lord, and had great opportunities of
shewing it in his daily business. For abundance of tinners came to his
shop (he being a smith by trade) both at morning and mid-day and in the
evening, to have their tools repaired. These he continually exhorted
and reproved, with great boldness and plainness of speech: and yet so
meekly, that few of them went away angry, and the greater part were
quite in love with him.
7. His common hours of sleep, were between eleven and five. He was
very diligent in his labour. Yet he could not refrain from breaking it
off now and then, to go up into a little room, which he had purposely
♦built just over his shop, and pour out his soul before God. But
he soon made up the time he had thus employed, so that no necessary
business was neglected.
♦ “just built” replaced with “built just” per Errata
8. He had frequent and sore conflicts with the enemy of souls, who was
permitted to sift him with divers temptations. One of the most dreadful
was, doubting the being of a God; but out of this also the Lord
delivered him.
9. His love of souls cannot easily be described, especially those
that were more immediately under his care. If any thing was amiss
in his class or band, he often felt the weight, before he discovered
the reason of it: and would lay it home to them with the greatest
earnestness, till he had found out the accursed thing. But his love
was by no means confined to these. He would lament over sinners of
every kind, those especially who would not hear the call of God, with
inexpressible grief and tenderness. The prophet _Jeremiah_ was in this
his particular favourite. He used to tell much concerning, “The weeping
prophet:” And was often saying to himself, _O that my head were waters,
and mine eyes a fountain of tears! If ye will not hear, my soul shall
weep for you in secret places._
10. By this eager love of souls, he was even constrained at the time
we had no preacher among us, himself to exhort, first our own, and then
other societies, _to continue in the grace of God_. But he had many
sharp trials concerning this, fearing he should run before he was sent:
till one day in _May_ last, being in deep distress, he went up into his
room, threw himself down before God, and ceased not to wrestle with him
in prayer, till all his doubts fled away, and he was fully convinced
what was the will of God concerning him.
11. He often complained, that the world was a burthen to him, and
he wanted to be wholly sequestered from it. But God convinced him at
length, this was not right. “I now, said he, see plainly, there is such
a thing as going through any business, and taking all prudent care, yet
so as it shall only pass through our hands, without either troubling or
intangling our hearts.”
12. For some time he was under another mistake. He was even to an
extreme, negligent of his apparel, thinking it was below the character
of a Christian, to have any, the least concern about it. But afterwards
he was clearly convinced, that in this also he had gone too far, and
that a Christian ought even by his outward neatness, to shew forth the
purity of his mind.
13. The last great temptation into which he fell, was that of denying
to the body even what was necessary for its support. Though he worked
hard at his own business, and spent his strength very much, in all the
intervals of his work, in going up and down and exhorting the societies,
he could not be prevailed on to take any cordial, or any thing for the
preserving of his lungs. For a considerable time before he was sick,
he wholly abstained from flesh. And even other victuals he took at his
father’s table, as if he was stealing it; and it seemed by his manner,
as if he seldom or never eat so as to satisfy nature. The error of this
was not shewed him, till a day or two before he was taken ill: when
he was fully convinced, that seeing the body as well as the soul is
committed to our charge, we ought with prudence and moderation to use
all proper means, for preserving the one as well as the other.
14. This temptation, I believe, began and ended, while he walked in
the broad light of God’s countenance: which he enjoyed with little
intermission for two or three months before his last sickness. Indeed
it increased very much toward the period of his life: He saw the
corruptions that remained in his heart. But though they were not
destroyed, yet they were fast bound, so that they could not hurt him.
The only shadow of doubt which he had was this: Whether the peace
he had was not too great, while sin remained? But this was but a few
moments at a time. And “e’er he was aware (he said) his soul flew back
and center’d in God.”
15. On _Wednesday, August 13_. _John Trembath_, being ill of a
malignant fever, and as it was believed both by himself and others,
ready to depart, desired to take his leave of the family. _Samuel_
stooped down to kiss him, and was immediately sensible he had caught
the distemper. However he met the society in the evening, and was
unusually vehement in prayer. _Thursday_, the 14th, he continued
working at his trade, till about four in the afternoon. Being then
obliged to leave off, he came in to his parents, and said, he was not
well. He talked of sickness and death with as much ease as of going to
sleep, and mostly with a smiling countenance. Towards evening he took
his bed: As he lay down he said, “Once I laid on this bed, full of
guilt and fears; but now they are all taken away. Blessed be the God
and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for sending his messengers into
these parts. Now is the harvest come. Now I shall reap the end of all
my prayers.”
16. About nine his mother and I came to him, and he said, “mother,
you are troubled about many things. I know you have a great cross now
sickness is in the house, over and above the care of this large family.
Father, you must bear your part. There is a want in you both. You are
religious singly: But you are not free in confessing your faults and
temptations one to another. It would be a great help, if you would set
apart a time for this, for the family in general, once a week. God has
made you an instrument of keeping his little flock together in this
place. I believe you do it with all your heart. Let us do it chearfully,
and he will greatly bless us all.”
17. He passed the night without sleep; but continually praising God,
and exhorting all that came in his sight. To one who stood by him
he said, “I opened my bible to-day on the cxii. _Psalm_. Take the
prayer-book and find it.” She did so, and he took especial notice of
the 6th, 7th, and 8th verses. “’Tis sweet (said he) to speak those
words experimentally: _He shall never be moved. He will not be afraid
of any evil tidings; for his heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord.
His heart is established, and will not shrink, until he shall see his
desire upon his enemies._”
18. In the morning, _Friday, 15_. He was full of the spirit of grace,
and of supplication: always expressing an unshaken confidence in God,
and making strong intercession for the church. “O said he, could I but
see the church of Christ, in peace and unity! Of one heart, and of one
mind! then I should die rejoicing indeed!”
19. Three of the leaders of classes coming in, he said, “We have been
neglectful in one thing, in not going more diligently after backsliders,
and bringing back the sheep that were lost. O it is a great thing, to
bring one soul unto the Lord! Let me desire you to remember it for the
time to come.” One of them asked, “Shall I pray for you?” He said, “Yes:
but do not pray for my recovery.” After praying, he asked, “How do you
find yourself now?” He said, “Clear of doubt: full of God.”
20. The man coming to him who used to work with him in the shop, he
said, “_John_, how is the case between God and your soul? Of late
you have not been so earnest as you was. Why do you not join in the
society? I believe you are kept from outward sin. But that will not
do.” A few days after the man came to me, desiring to be admitted into
the society, and saying, “He hoped the words would never go out of his
mind, and that he should never rest till he knew the Lord.”
21. Speaking of some who were intangled with inordinate affection, and
talked of their “wanting to know the will of God,” he said, “When we
can give up our own wills, then we shall know the will of God. And when
that is known and carefully followed, all temptations of this kind are
at an end.”
22. He asked one¹ who was much with him, “Are you willing to die?” And
on her saying, “If I knew it was the will of God, I could lie down and
not leave a wish behind:” He answered, “I think I am drawn two ways. I
have a strong desire to _depart and to be with Christ_; but sometimes
I am drawn a little backward, not knowing whether my _abiding_ awhile
_in the flesh_, may not be for the glory of God. These are two opposite
points. When they are brought to meet, my way will lie strait before
me.”
¹ The same person who wrote part of this relation.
23. He often made her repeat those lines of Dr. _Watts_’s:
“Say, live for ever, glorious King,
Born to redeem and strong to save!”
And catch’d the two next from her, repeating with triumph,
“Then ask the monster, Where’s his sting?
And where’s thy victory, boasting grave?”
24. Those three verses in one of the funeral hymns he was almost
continually repeating,
“Thou know’st, in the spirit of prayer,
We groan thy appearing to see,
Resign’d to the burden we bear,
But longing to triumph with thee.
’Tis good at thy word to be here,
’Tis better in thee to be gone,
And see thee in glory appear,
And rise to a share of thy throne.
“To mourn for thy coming is sweet,
To weep at thy longer delay:
But thou whom we hasten to meet
Shall chase all our sorrows away.
The tears shall be wip’d from our eyes,
When thee we behold in the cloud,
And echo the joys of the skies,
And shout to the trumpet of God.
“Come then to thy languishing bride,
Who went’st to prepare us a place,
Receive us with thee to abide,
And rest in thy mercy’s embrace.
Our heaven of heavens be this,
Thy fulness of mercy to prove,
Implung’d in the glorious abyss,
And lost in the ocean of love.”
25. _Elizabeth Thomas_ being with him on _Friday_ night, he asked her
to pray, and said, “I can pour out my whole heart, and soul, and spirit,
and life in prayer.” She asked, “Can you rejoice in God?” He replied,
“Yes; I have not the least doubt of my salvation. _I know that my
Redeemer liveth_, and that I shall stand before him in that day. I know
my Saviour is now at the right hand of God, and that he is praying for
me. I see the gates of heaven stand open, and Jesus stands with open
arms to receive me.” Then he cried, “Let me go! I must be gone!” She
asked him, “Whither he would go?” He said, “To my God;” and burst out,
“Come, Lord Jesus! The harvest is ready. Come, Lord, and put in the
sickle!”
26. The next morning, _Saturday 16_. his sweats stopped. All proper
means were used to recover them. He said, “I believe they will not
return. But I have left all to God. My heart is full of God. I know
he will _appear the second time, without sin, unto salvation_.”
After lying a short time he broke out into vehement prayer, first for
the church, and then for himself: crying out aloud, “Open the heavens,
O my God, and come down into my soul! Come, Father, Son and Holy Ghost,
and plunge me into God! Carry me ye angels, to the bosom of my God.
Bear me to the feet of Jesus!” Then with smiles of triumph, not to be
exprest, he cried, “Jesus is coming! Now I shall see the unclouded face
of Jesus! ’Tis finish’d! ’Tis finish’d! Jesus is come! Jesus is come!
“For us is prepar’d
The angelical guard,
The convoy attends
A minist’ring host of invisible friends!
“Ready-wing’d for their flight
To the regions of light
The horses are come,
The chariots of _Israel_ to carry me home!”
*One called aloud to his mother to come. He said, “You may call; but
God will not stop one moment.” He spake no more till he resigned his
spirit into the hands of God.
A short ACCOUNT
Of the LIFE and DEATH of
NATHANAEL OTHEN,
Who was shot in _Dover-Castle, October 26, 1757_.
1. I WAS born at _Ogham_ in _Hampshire_, of honest parents, and when
about thirteen years old, went to service to a farmer near _Ogham_,
whom I served faithfully for a year. I was then for a year and a half
postilion to the _Exeter_ stage-coach. Afterwards I went up to _London_,
and hired myself again, in the place of a postilion. It was here I
was soon led into drunkenness, and by that means not long after into
lewdness. Leaving this place after six months, I hired myself for
another year as a postilion, at the _White-Horse_ in _Piccadilly_.
Here I got more money, but could keep none, squandering it all away
in drink and debauchery. My mistress reproving me for this, I was so
enraged, that I went and entered on board a privateer. I went down
as far as _Exeter_, in my way to _Plymouth_, in order to embark. But
my mind then changed: so I came back to _London_, and hired myself in
the _Hay-Market_ as a second coachman. I soon quitted this place, and
served Lord _H――――_ in the same post for a year and a half, who when he
wanted me no longer, recommended me to Colonel _B――――_ with whom I had
large wages. But I wasted all among lewd women, ’till I embarked with
my master for _Holland_.
2. In eight days we arrived at _Williamstadt_. Thence we went to
_Breda_, where I was again drawn into drunkenness. My master hearing
♦of it, desired the groom to reprove me, which made me reflect on my
past life. I went out into the fields, and went to prayers, repeating
the prayers which I had been taught by my parents. And this I did many
times while we staid at _Breda_: And I had more power over sin than
formerly.
♦ duplicate word “of” removed
3. We now removed to _Mastricht_. Soon after my master parted with
the horses I took care of, and recommended me to another master.
But I stayed with him only a fortnight, before I relapsed into
drunkenness, and was persuaded to inlist among the _Welch_ Fusileers,
in the year 1747. I remained at camp till _Michaelmas_: thence we
marched to _Rudenburgh_, where I remained all the winter. On the first
day of _March, 1748_, we marched to _Ruremond_, where we encamped,
tho’ the weather was cold and the snow deep. After the cessation of
arms, we removed from place to place, till in _November_ we came to
_Williamstadt_.
4. Here we lay five weeks on board the _Seaflower_, a ship belonging to
_Whitby_. On _December 18_, new stile, we set sail for _Burnt-island_:
our ship having 41 horses on board. About sun-rise, just as we got over
the bar, it looking as if we should have hard weather, the man of war
that sailed with us prepared for it, backing his sails, and making fast
his guns. Before we lost sight of land, we saw one of the transports
break her yard. Soon after we came up along-side of a man of war, who
advised us, to take in some of our sails. But our captain, being head
strong, did not regard him, but kept all his sails set, except the
main-top-gallant. About two hours before sun-set, it blew a hurricane;
and we having but few sailors, before they were able to furl the sails,
the wind tore them all in pieces. And it was well it did. For we lay
gunnel to; so that had the sails stood, we must have overset. Suddenly
a great outcry was made below, that the horses were broke loose. I ran
down and found seven of them had broke loose, which made the rest so
wild, that we were obliged to kill them all but one. But it was six
days before we could get them over-board: during which the smell was so
offensive, that it made the whole ship’s crew sick. Two days after we
saw the shore; but we could not possibly make it, the wind was so high.
We then endeavoured to make _Aberdeen_: but were beat to sea again.
The next morning we lost sight of land, the weather continued as before
for five days. The sixth, at day-break, we were surprised to see in the
midst of the sea a rock very high out of the water, and the ship was
almost upon it: so all hands were called. The captain standing on the
deck, cried, “O my ship, my ship.” Some of the soldiers cursed him for
disheartening them, he answered, “You need not swear and curse, for
you may look over the side of the ship, and see your graves.” Many were
then frighted, and some went to prayer. When we got to the lee-side
of the rock, we strove to anchor; but the wind blew so hard, and
the sea was so rough, we could not. The ship was now taking in water
apace, so that we had two foot water in our hold already. Ten soldiers
were employed, of whom I was one, to ♦bale the water out with their
camp-kettles. In a little while our steward perished with cold, as
did the carpenter soon after. And several of the boys had their limbs
frozen, so that they were unable to work. Eight soldiers who had been
on board a man of war were ordered to supply their place.
♦ “hale” replaced with “bale”
5. The wind continued to blow hard at south which drove us on the coast
of _Greenland_. We were now so far north that I believe we had not
above four hours day-light. The captain now came into the cabin, and
cried, “Lord, have mercy upon us! What shall we do? I am afraid we
shall be drove so far north, as to have no day-light at all.” Quickly
after, he went out of his senses, and was confined in his cabin. But
just then the wind shifted from south to north; and Lieutenant _Eyres_,
understanding the theory of navigation, undertook the management of the
ship. The 10th of _March_ we came in sight of a rocky coast, but knew
not what land it was. We tried to take soundings; but could find no
bottom. A strong current ran between the rocks, which was against us:
but the wind blew strong for us. We hung out a flag of distress at our
main-top-mast, and fired several guns and several platoons.
6. During this distress most in the ship called upon God, and if
any man spoke profanely, he was reproved for it. At the same time,
a thought came into the minds of many, that there was some grievous
sinner in the ship: and all agreed to cast lots, that they might find
the man, for whose sake this was come upon us. But they did not execute
what they had agreed. Here we remained five days. One who had been a
sailor, then swore, that it was the _Orkneys_ we saw, and undertook to
bring us safe in. But we had not gone far, before our passage was quite
shut up, and we were just upon the rocks. In the morning a man was sent
to the main-top-mast head, and ordered to keep a good look-out. Before
twelve he cried, “A boat a-head.” Our boat was quickly manned in order
to row to them. In a short time they came on board: they brought us
into the harbour about sun-set. Here we remained, till we had liberty
from the king of _Denmark_, to come to _North-Bergen_ in _Norway_. When
we came thither, several lost the use of their limbs, and many died
in an hospital erected for us. Here we continued a month. Having then
repaired our ship, and got a new captain, (for the old one was still
disordered) we set sail for _Scotland_, intending for _Burnt-island_,
which we hoped to reach in a short time.
7. But we had scarce lost sight of land two hours, when another violent
storm arose. I then renewed the good resolutions I made in the last,
and which I forgot almost as soon as I had made them. It blew exceeding
hard; however on _April 9_, we came with great difficulty to _Leith_.
When we were safe on shore, instead of returning God thanks, I soon
fell to my old trade of drunkenness: and during our several removes,
I continually plunged deeper and deeper into all manner of wickedness.
8. After being at several other places we marched to _Glasgow_, where
I met with a sober woman, and one that feared God, whom I married and
lived comfortably with, till orders came for my remove to _England_.
We past the winter at _Dover_, where the advice of my wife made such
an impression upon me, that I began to take up, and be a good husband,
and worked hard to maintain myself and her. So I continued to do at
_Exeter_, where I had a son born, and stayed eleven months. Thence
we marched to _Plymouth_, where we embarked for _Minorca_. We landed
there _May 25_, and I lived happy with my wife for two months. Then
both she and my child were taken sick and died. This was a loss indeed!
I believe if she had lived, it would have been the saving of my life.
9. After her death I soon fell back to drunkenness, and to supply
the expence of it, took to coining. The next spring, _April 20_, the
_French_ invested the castle of St. _Philip_. Toward the end of the
siege, my companion and I got drunk together and quarrelled: upon
which he threatened to inform against me, for which a great reward was
offered. Being soon after told that he was gone to give information,
I thought there was but one way to save my life. So I and he that told
me determined to desert together. In getting out of the castle, I fell
into the sea, and was very near being drowned. With much difficulty
we then got to an old house, and took shelter therein. But we were
between the fire of the _French_ and the _English_; so we stayed not
above a quarter of an hour. I would now fain have returned; but our
case was desperate: so we went on hand in hand. As we advanced, the
_French_ gave the signal, which was three slaps with their hand on the
cartouch-box. As we did not answer it, or speak, (for neither of us
could speak _French_) they immediately fired upon us. But here also the
hand of God was over us. The shot all flew over our heads. They then
came and took us to the commanding officer, who sent us to the town as
prisoners. In the morning we were removed to a prison near one of the
general’s quarters, who sent for us about noon, and asked, what our
design was? I answered, it was our desire to go into _France_ and work.
He said, “this could not be allowed by any means, unless I first serv’d
in the army for three years.” I said, I would only comply, on condition
I should not serve on the island, he replied, if I would not serve
on the island, I must go back to prison, I was going, but he called
me back and ask’d, “in what regiment in _France_ would you like to
serve?” I answer’d in _Fitz-James_’s. He said, I should. However for
the present, I was remanded to prison. Two days after I was carried
before the Duke _de Richlieu_, who asked me many questions. But I
continued a prisoner during the whole siege, and was so, till we came
to _Valenciennes_.
10. Here I was enlisted into _Fitz-James_’s horse, and continued two
months: but with an aking heart. I longed to be in _England_ again,
and only waited for an opportunity. This was suspected: so that when we
marched hence, I was confined every night, till we got a great way into
_France_. By interceding with the quarter-master, I then got my liberty.
After many removes, we marched to _Hanau_, and from thence about thirty
leagues toward Muscovy. Here four of us agreed to desert the next night,
and make the best of our way to the Duke of _Cumberland_’s army. At
eleven we set out in thunder, lightning and rain. We took each of us a
brace of pistols, with our swords, and plenty of powder and ball. With
great difficulty we past the guards, and then not knowing the roads,
quickly lost our way: so that at break of day, we had got but nine
miles. However we were now got into the right road: but day-light
approaching, we went into a wood, and stayed there till six in the
evening: having been all this time without victuals, we were weak and
faint; however we walk’d all night. In the morning we learn’d from a
waggoner, that a party of _French_ horse were within a mile and a half
of us. We ask’d what he thought they came there for? He said he knew
not unless it was to look for deserters. Upon this, finding no way to
get to the duke, we agreed to make for _Holland_, having changed our
clothes with some of the boors, who likewise behaved kindly to us, or
we must have perished.
11. Having sold our arms to buy us provisions, after many difficulties
and dangers, in passing by both the _French_ and _Imperial_ troops,
we at length came to _Mastricht_. Thence we went to _Middleburgh_, and
afterward to _Flushing_, where we got on board an _English_ man of war,
which the next morning sailed, and brought us into the _Downs_. The
third day after we landed, we were apprehended as deserters, and laid
in irons for six days. We were then removed to _Brumpton_ camp, near
_Chatham_, where I was tried by a court martial, for deserting from the
castle of St. _Philips_, which I acknowledg’d and was condemned to die.
12. I now began to be in great trouble, not knowing what to do. At
length my companion and I determined to lay violent hands on ourselves.
In this resolution I continued till night. Then I began to think of
the consequences of self-murder. Betimes in the morning I went to
prayer, and continued praying ’till about ten o’clock. In my distress I
bethought me of one _James Harbuckle_, a drummer in our regiment. When
he came I told him of my condition, and he began to talk to me of the
love of Christ to sinners: of repentance toward God, and faith in our
Lord Jesus Christ. In the evening he was obliged to go; but he promised
to send some of his brethren to me. Two of them came at night and
explained more at large what _James Harbuckle_ had said. From this time
I found another kind of trouble: my sins were so set in array against
me, that not an evil work or word, or thought, I had ever given way to,
but was brought to my remembrance. Yet I was not so much troubled for
fear of hell, as for grief that I had offended so good a God, and had
crucified the Son of God afresh. For three days and three nights my
distress was so great, that it was as if all my flesh was tearing off
my bones, and my bones breaking in pieces, which made me often look at
my hands and legs, to see if it was not so.
13. My load so increased, that I was just ready to despair of mercy,
when on a sudden it all dropt off. I was on my knees at prayer, when
in a moment all my fear was gone. I knew I had redemption in the blood
of Christ, the forgiveness of my sins: and the love of God was shed
abroad in my heart, enabling me to love all mankind, even my enemies:
and him in particular who had been the cause of my deserting. And I
had an earnest desire to see and tell him so. And I found every day
an increase in love, and in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I was so delivered from the fear of death, that I could have rejoiced
to have died that instant; being filled with prayer, and praise, and
thanksgiving, such as no tongue can express. And this sense of the love
of God to my soul, I never since lost, not for a moment.
14. I was removed from hence to _Dover-Castle_, where I sent for Mr.
_Edwards_, the minister of St. _Mary’s_. He came the next morning, and
afterwards attended me very diligently. I desire to thank God for his
help, and hope the Lord will bless him for his kindness to me. But I
could not be satisfied, till I had sent into the town to enquire, if
there were any of the people call’d _Methodists_ there? They sent word,
they would come when their day’s work was done: but it being then late,
they could not be admitted. On _Sunday_ they came again, and we prayed,
and sang, and rejoiced together in the salvation of God, I desired they
would come again if I was spared, which they did the following _Sunday_,
when my spirit was so revived, that I could not help declaring to my
fellow-soldiers what God had done for my soul. And now my prison was
turned into a church, an house of prayer and praise. People crowded
in, soldiers and others, to whom Mr. W――――r gave an exhortation. When
he had done, I stood up, and begged my fellow-soldiers, to cry to God
for mercy, and grace to forsake all their sins, lest the day of grace
should be past, and they be given over to a reprobate mind.
15. I spent the remaining part of the day in giving a relation of my
life, to one who wrote it down from my mouth; but I could not finish
it then. _Monday, October 23_, Mr. _Edwards_ administered the Lord’s
Supper to me. In the afternoon Mr. W――――r gave another exhortation
as I did likewise when he had done, and we sang praises to God with a
good courage, and poured out our souls in prayer. The soldier who had
threatened to inform against me at St. _Philip’s_ now came in. Formerly
I was resolved to kill him, wherever I met him: but I now felt nothing
but love and pity. So I earnestly exhorted him to forsake his sins, and
seek mercy while it might be found.
16. What follows is added by him who wrote the forgoing relation.
We now parted, after I had promised to be with him, during the short
remainder of his life, as much as my business would permit. _Tuesday_
the 25th, Mr. _Edwards_ administered the Sacrament to him, and examined
him closely as to the state of his soul. He readily answered every
question, and declared his desire to depart and to be with Christ.
About ten at night I came to him again, and found him employed in
exhorting his fellow soldiers, and in praise and prayer. In the same
employment he had been the greatest part of the day. In the same he
continued till about twelve: when his strength being quite exhausted,
he was forced to take some rest. He would fain have slept on his coffin;
but we persuaded him to lie on the straw: when he waked, he asked, what
o’clock it was? And being answered “about three,” he complained that he
had slept too long; but found himself much refresh’d. After Mr. W――――r
had read and expounded a chapter, and spent some time in prayer and
praise, he again exhorted his fellow soldiers, to forsake their sins,
particularly those to which he knew they were addicted.
*17. The morning now advancing, he exprest much longing for the happy
hour, when he was to “put on, as he called it, his wedding dress” and
to be with the Lord. We then left him awhile and when we returned,
found him drest in white, standing on a long form, and exhorting all
the people. We all joined in prayer, after which he broke out in praise
to God his Saviour. Mr. _Edwards_ coming in, asked, how he did? He
answered, “Blessed be God, never happier.” After a few more questions
he withdrew, and _Othen_ getting on the form again, exhorted all that
were present with such joy and fervency of spirit, as testified a hope
full of immortality.
18. He was thus employed, when the officer came, to tell him, the time
was come; he then chearfully stept off the bench, and without any delay
went forwards, and said, “I had a good wife, and I loved her well: but
I now go forth with greater pleasure to die, than I did on my wedding
day to be married.” When he was out of prison and delivered to the
soldiers who were to guard him to the place of execution, he began
singing that hymn with a loud voice,
“Behold the Saviour of mankind,
“Nail’d to a shameful tree!”
Walking on he took notice of a company of young soldiers, to whom he
earnestly said, “take warning by me, I am young; but 27 years of age,
in full health and strength. And yet I shall soon be as water spilt on
the ground, which cannot be gathered up. My morning sun goes down at
ten o’clock. Yet I have found mercy: and so may you. O that you saw the
danger of being out of Christ! If you felt this in the manner I felt it,
especially for three days and three nights, it would make the stoutest
of you tremble.”
19. Then turning to me and some others, who walked near him, he said,
“come which of you will help me to sing?” On which he gave out his
favourite hymn (that on the crucifixion) and we all sang it with him.
When he came to the spot where he was to suffer, the minister was
ready to pray with him, in which we all joined. Afterwards the officer
gave him liberty to go round and exhort all the soldiers. He began at
the right and ended at the left, sparing neither officers nor private
men: though to some he spoke more particularly, and in a manner which
I trust they will never forget. He then asked the serjeant if the
major thought him too long. He said, no: upon which he gave out, the
lamentation of a sinner. While we were singing, the men were drawn
out that were to shoot him, and stood a little behind him. He turned
and looked upon them, and Mr. W――――r asked him, “whether he felt any
fear of death?” He said, “none at all blessed be God: I feel my faith
stronger and stronger,” here we all took our last farewel of him, and
♦parted with a kiss of love. He then chearfully walked to the mark,
kneeled down, and having commended his soul to God, gave the signal.
In that instant his body pitched forward, and his soul sprang into
eternity.
♦ “preted” replaced with “parted”
20. Some of our friends told the serjeant, that if it was agreeable
to the major, Mr. _W――――r_ would preach a sermon on the occasion. The
offer was readily accepted. So in the afternoon he stood near the place
of execution, and all the soldiers were ordered out, and formed a ring
round about him. The officers as well as soldiers were present, and
behaved with the utmost seriousness.
As I was coming back, a soldier said to the people, “If I was as well
prepared for death as _Othen_, I did not care if I was to be carried up
to the green, and shot this moment.”
Another said, I was so prejudiced against him by reports, that I would
have shot him, as soon as I would a dog. And I waited at the prison
door, expecting to see a monstrous creature, when I saw a man with
grace shining in his face. And I hope what I then saw and heard will
be a blessing to me as long as I live.
Some ACCOUNT
Of the LIFE and DEATH of
MATTHEW LEE.
MATTHEW LEE was born at _Croft_ in _Lincolnshire_, was educated in
that neighbourhood; and at eleven years of age, put apprentice to
a shoe-maker in _Brator_ near _Spillsbury_, and served his time to
the approbation of his master: was of a sober, quiet disposition,
and esteemed for his good-nature and integrity. Shortly after the
expiration of his apprenticeship, by the invitation of his brother,
he came to _London_; but being used to coarse country work, unskilled
in the method of working in _London_, and but a slow hand withal,
he was incapable, by his business, of gaining even the necessaries
of life. This involved him in great difficulties and distresses, his
relations not being in circumstances to grant him any assistance. On
his application to them for advice, he was advised to get a waiter’s
or drawer’s place at an inn.
After some time he was hired to the _Swan_ at _Fulham_, where he
lived contentedly and agreeably, gained the good-will of those whom
he conversed with, and kept his character unblemished. He afterwards
lived at a public-house in _Carnaby-market_: from thence he went to
the _Three Tuns_ in _New-street_, _Fetter-lane_, where he continued
to live, till a person who came frequently to drink at his master’s
house, and with whom _Matthew_ had contracted an intimacy, one day told
him that it lay in his power to be of great benefit to him, and if he
would hearken to his advice, he might live more advantageously than
he could do in a public house: _Matthew_ enquired into the particulars
of the affair: _Walton_ (for so was his companion’s name) informed
him, that his aunt had left him a large legacy, and he was now going to
receive the same, and if he would quit his present service, and attend
on him, he would give him great wages, and he should live as himself.
He the more readily agreed thereto, from a desire to be freed from
the threatenings of a woman with whom he had sinful commerce. He had
borrowed money of her, which he was at present incapable of paying
her, for which she frequently threatened him with a gaol. This made him
the more willing to leave his place, to be freed from her importunity.
Accordingly he packed up his cloaths, with what money he had, and went
from his place with his new pretended master.
But he soon found his mistake: they wandered up and down, till
their money being expended, _Walton_ shewed _Lee_ a pistol, and said,
“This must stand our friend, and supply us with all we want.” When he
objected to the proposal, the other with dreadful curses threatened to
blow his brains out, if he did not comply. While they were arguing upon
the point, they had an opportunity of putting their design in execution:
for in the midst of their discourse, Mr. _Chalmer_ came in sight.
_Walton_ gave _Lee_ the pistol to attack him, but his heart failed;
he sat down on the side of the field, and Mr. _Chalmer_ passed by
uninterrupted.
For this, _Walton_ reproached him bitterly; upon which they both
followed him, _Lee_ with his pistol, and _Walton_ with a large stick,
and robbed the gentleman of his watch and fourteen shillings. Had
_Walton_ been contented with what the gentleman had given him, in
all probability they might have escaped; but _Walton_ perceiving a
bulk in his pocket (which was thirteen guineas) demanded it, which Mr.
_Chalmer_ refused, and recovering his spirits, told them, “Except they
would give him his watch, he would follow them.” _Walton_ observing
this, took the pistol from _Lee_, and made his escape over the fields;
but _Lee_ having the watch, was closely pursued, and taken with the
watch upon him.
He was first committed to _Bridewell_, and continued there six weeks:
during his stay there, God was pleased to incline the heart of one to
visit those who were there confined, and to publish the glad tidings
of salvation; and God gave _Lee_ an ear to hear the gospel-sound, and
an heart to embrace it. He took great delight in hearing: and a visible
alteration was observed in his whole behaviour. He was convinced of
his lost and undone state; was sensible how vile and guilty he was
before God: was much by himself in reading and prayer, frequently and
earnestly crying for mercy. But he was very fearful lest his many and
great sins would exclude him from the favour of God; and though he
was only guilty of this robbery, yet he acknowledged himself a vile
and hell-deserving creature, for his whole life. It was now the grief
of his heart that he had ever sinned against such a good and gracious
God: who he acknowledged had been frequently striving with him. For
(said he) I remember when I have been drinking and merry-making with
my companions, in the midst of my mirth, great horror and distress have
seized me, that I have often times been forced to leave my company, and
retire by myself. I have been frequently distressed on account of my
sin: my conscience has checked me in, and after the committing of it;
but by company and mirth it would soon wear off, though not so, but at
times it would return again.
The very first time he heard the preaching in _Bridewell_, the terrors
of the Almighty fell upon him, and the arrows of God stuck fast in his
soul. The sense of his crime (not as it was merely against the laws
of man, but as it was against the law of God) and all his former sins
greatly distressed him. The thoughts of death, but especially of a
judgment to come, made him tremble exceedingly. He feared the wrath to
come, and knew not how to flee from it. He was desirous to know what
he must do to be saved; but did not see Christ the way of salvation.
He was now crying out undone! undone! and writing bitter things against
himself. He was so desirous to hear the gospel, that he would rather
lose the favour of his relations and friends, that visited him, than
lose one opportunity: saying, “He had but one friend to please, and
that was Christ.”
He heard with such attention and affection, that he seemed even to eat
the words of the preacher. He earnestly longed for the pardon of his
sins: but for the first three weeks he had not the least glimpse of
comfort.
Shortly after, as he was in prayer, crying earnestly for mercy, under
great horror of soul, God broke in upon him in a wonderful manner,
which he thus expressed to the person that preached.
*“I believe now my peace is made with God through Jesus Christ. I
experience a great change in my soul, for while I was at prayer, last
night, in great terror, apprehensive that I was going immediately body
and soul to hell: I cry’d out so loud that my fellow-prisoners in the
next ward heard me, and called to know what was the matter: I told them
that I was going to hell, and begged their prayers for me: but while
I was in the midst of this horror and despair, I suddenly experienced
a blessed and comfortable change: my mind was immediately calmed: I
believed my sins were forgiven: the fear of hell was taken away: and
I was so far from fearing death, that I was now more desirous to die,
than to live.”
He earnestly desired prayer to God in his behalf, and wept bitterly
that ever he should sin against him. It was very observable from this
time, that the greater sense he experienced of the mercy of God to him,
the greater abhorrence he had of sin, and of himself for committing it.
He was now more serious in hearing the word than ever; and was
frequently singing of psalms and hymns. He could not bear to hear any
of his fellow-prisoners profane the name of God, but would reprove them
and exhort them with a serious concern to reflect on the consequences
of such a behaviour.
“Oh! (said he) did you but feel the terrors I lately did for my sins,
you would dread the thoughts of ever sinning again.”
“I have (says he, to a friend) deserved eternal death; but blessed be
God who hath taken away the sting of death, and the guilt of sin; and
now I can walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and not be
afraid: now I can lay down and rise up, can live and die in peace.”
Being removed from _Bridewell_ to _Newgate_, to be tried at the _Old
Bailey_, the day before he was brought to the bar, he said, “Shortly
I shall appear before the bar of man, and receive a sentence of death
on this body; but this is my comfort, before man condemns me, God,
the eternal God, has pardoned me: I shall stand guilty before man, but
guiltless before God.”
Being asked, “How he, who acknowledged himself a sinner could stand
guiltless before God.”
He replied, “Because Jesus Christ hath washed away my sins in his own
blood; and I am justified by his grace: my sins are blotted out of the
book of his remembrance.”
It was asked again, “How he knew that Christ had taken away his sins,
and that he was washed in his blood.”
*He replied: “As a lost and undone sinner, I have laid hold on Jesus
Christ by faith: I rest the whole of my salvation upon him: I have
believed in him: and he hath adopted me into his family: the Spirit of
God bears witness with my spirit, that I am a child of God. Thus I know
that all my sins are pardoned, and let death come when it will, I am
ready; for I am assured, as soon as this body is dead, my soul will be
with Jesus in paradise.”
One present said, “That we need be cautious of deceiving our own souls,
and advised him to be modest in his expressions: for many who had made
a great profession for many years, could not speak with such confidence
as he did.”
He answered, “I speak it from a certainty of the thing; that which I
_see_ and _feel_, I testify unto you.”
*“Sir, If these heavy irons were removed from me, should not I be
sensible of it; and could not I by experience declare to others
that my irons were removed, and my legs were at liberty? Would not
the alteration I felt, be a sufficient foundation to assert the
satisfaction I found by the removal of them? Why thus it was lately
with my soul: it was fettered down to sin: I was a slave to my lusts,
and I could no more get rid of my sins, than I can of these irons. But
while I was fearing and expecting to be cast into hell every moment,
Jesus Christ came and knocked off my irons, my sins: he shut the doors
of hell, and opened the doors of heaven; and set my soul at liberty.
God has made me, who was a slave of the devil, to be a subject of
Christ. I am brought from my lusts and pleasures, which I loved,
to love nothing else but Jesus Christ. And can such an alteration
be wrought in my soul, and I be ignorant thereof?――――O blessed be
God, this change fills me with joy: I am full of joy: joy, not to be
expressed: for Christ loves me, and I love Christ, and I shall shortly
be with him for ever.”
One saying, he had a heavy pair of irons on, “Oh! (says he) these
are the cursed fruits of sin: this is the honour the devil’s servants
have: these are the badges that declare to whom I did belong, and tell
what dirty work I have been engaged in. Ah, cursed sin, that exposes
us to such misery here, and to ten thousand times ten thousand worse
hereafter! *It was my sins that brought me here; and my sins made me
liable to be the devil’s prisoner, in the dreadful prison of hell for
ever: but the Lord hath spread all my sins before my face, that I may
see the magnitude and the multitude of them; and then he blowed them
away with a blast of his Holy Spirit. All my sins appeared before me,
and they looked like the devil from whence they came: but then Jesus
Christ cast them all behind his back, and made me whiter than driven
snow in his presence.”
Being advised to plead, not guilty, when called to the bar, and told,
perhaps it might save his life:
*He replied: “I will not tell a lie to save ten thousand lives. It is
true, life is sweet, but the love and favour of God is sweeter to me
than life itself: how do I know, but while I am telling of a lie to
save my life, I may be struck dead, and lose my precious soul for ever?
I shall therefore plead guilty: not with a design to obtain the favour
of man thereby: for I expect, I deserve none; but because I would not
offend God, and grieve his Holy Spirit.”
A by-stander asked him, Whether he was willing to die?
He said, “When I consult with flesh and blood, it seems hard to leave
the world in the bloom of my youth; but when I consider I am going to
him whom my soul loves, then I long to be dissolved, and to be with
Christ Jesus.”
This, with much more to the same import, he uttered, with a chearful
countenance, and with such an humble, yet confident boldness, as filled
all with admiration that heard him.
A Roman Catholic, being present, could not believe that it was possible
for any one to know his sins were forgiven; but acknowledged he
believed _Matthew_ to be a pious young man, and that if it was to be
known here, he did know it.
A near relation being of the same opinion, as to the knowledge of the
forgiveness of sins, he said, “Believe me, as I shortly expect to die,
and look on myself as a dying man, I am positive God for Christ’s sake
hath pardoned all my sins; and I am not afraid to face death, for death
cannot hurt me.”
To some, he said, “My living in an alehouse exposed me to much evil
company, and I was forced to hear much cursing and swearing, to which I
myself was too much addicted. This with my living in uncleanness, made
me forget God; so that God for my manifold sins, left me to commit the
crime, for which I am justly to lose my life. But I have no cause to
complain, since God hath made me repent, and see the evil of my ways
in my chains: and glory be to his name, he hath set my soul at liberty.
Oh! blessed be his name for his unspeakable goodness to me, so vile and
wretched a sinner, for he hath enabled me to repent with a repentance
not to be repented of. I formerly took great pleasure in committing sin,
but now I hate the very thoughts of sin; and I really believe (by God’s
grace) I could not commit a sin to gain a kingdom.”
After the person, by whom he was first convinced, had been with him, he
cryed out, “Oh, that he could be with me always, then would my prison
be a palace, and my confinement better than liberty!――*But, why do I
want a man to be with me? Have I not the presence of God with me? Have
I not communion with Jesus Christ? And that is more valuable than all
the helps and conversation of poor sinful man.”
Being informed there was a minister belonging to the gaol, who would
help him in his addresses to the Almighty God:
He answered, “Why don’t he then? Why don’t he come and instruct me? Why
don’t he wrestle with God for me? I see no regard paid to the immortal
souls of any that are confined here. They are running head-long to
hell, and no one seeks to stop them. None prays with; none admonishes,
reproves, exhorts them: but he that is filthy, is left to be filthy
still. What! Have the prisoners in _Newgate_, immortal souls! And yet
no one regardeth them? Are they so good as not to need reproof and
admonition? Or are they so bad as to be past recovery? Who can tell,
but by frequent, earnest and heart-searching preaching, God might
reach some hellish sinner here, as he reached me in _Bridewell_?
And shall the servants of the Most High God be forbid to preach
in _Newgate_!――――What! forbid to preach to the servants of the
devil!――――Servants of the devil, did I say? Devils incarnate; but
yet they are not blacker than I: and the blood of Christ hath reached
me, and the same blood can cleanse the most defiled and vilest sinner
here.――――Lord, pity us in _Newgate_, and send some one to preach thy
word; and do thou make it effectual to reach their hearts.”
When he was brought to the bar, he said but little; only pleaded guilty
to the indictment: but when he received sentence of death, with an
audible voice, he said, “Though I stand condemned at the bar of man,
I shall be acquitted at the bar of God; for he hath forgiven me all my
sins, and assured me of his glory.”
After his return back to prison, he was solid and serious, yet
remarkably chearful: crying out “What a vile wretch am I; and yet
God for his Son’s sake hath pardoned me, and I shall stand before
his throne, and praise him for ever; for I am an heir of God, and a
joint heir with Jesus Christ; a citizen of _Zion_, and a companion with
saints and angels to all eternity: Oh, how do I long to die, that I
may be with Jesus Christ, who is my lot and portion: Oh, the happiness
I shall enjoy when I have left this clay! O, help me, sir, to glorify
God: I do praise him; but shew me how to do it more and more, and more
still: I cannot do it enough till I come to heaven, and I shall not do
it enough then.――*Blessed be God for what I have experienced in these
cells: these dark and dismal cells have been light and pleasant places
to me; for I have had the prospect of eternal glory; and have seen that
eternal glory reserved for _me_! Thither, thither, am I going: I have
but one storm to endure, and I shall be in harbour for ever.”
One asked, “Whither he should not be glad of a reprieve, and whither he
had not hopes of not being included in the dead warrant?”
He reply’d, “My flesh and blood desire life, but my soul longs to be
where death shall be no more. Welcome life; and welcome death: if I am
reprieved, I shall bless God; and if I am included in the dead warrant,
I shall still praise and magnify his name.”
One inquiring “Whether he had any to make intercession for him?”
He replied, “I have no one on earth to intercede in my behalf: but
I have one in the court of heaven, who hath interceeded for me, and
obtained my pardon. My pardon is sealed above, and sealed with the
broad seal of king Jesus; that shall abide to all eternity!――――Jesus
is my friend, and he will prepare a place for me.”
The two persons that were condemned for murder seeing his seriousness,
and the time he spent in singing and prayer; cursed him for “Making
such-a-do, about nothing,” (as they termed it) and said to him, “Why,
we shall only be hanged.”
“Only be hanged (says he) and is not that bad enough, to die in ones
youth and vigour, such a shameful death?”
They answered, “Why, we must all die, one time or other; and now is as
well as another time.”
“How can you (replied he) speak so carelessly about the most important
thing in the world? But you forget.――――Death is not all: for after
death there is a judgment and eternity! Indeed for my part I am easy;
because I know I shall be happy: but I wonder you can be so easy, and
your peace not made with God.――――Why you are on the brink of hell, and
will be miserable for ever, if you die without repentance.”
Upon their laughing at what he said, he could not forbear weeping. He
then turned away and said no more; but it had such an effect upon him,
that he could not sleep all night, to think what an unhappy state they
were in.
One of his fellow prisoners being asked, “Whether his peace was made
with God, or whether he could say his sins were pardoned, as Mr. _Lee_
did?” He replied, “He hoped it was.” Mr. _Lee_ immediately said, “That
is a sure sign your peace is not made with God; for, if it was, you
would not only hope it was, but be sure of it; you would feel the
effects of it; your soul would be warmed with love; you would love
Jesus Christ, and long to be with him?”
The two prisoners that died with him, asked him to eat with them.
He answered, “No――What, must we eat to grow fat for the grave? Our
thoughts had need to be engaged about other things, than in filling and
pleasing the flesh.”――They answered, “If we think so much, it will make
us mad.”――“What (said he) are you afraid of being mad by repenting of
your sins? You have more need of being afraid of going to hell for the
committing of them: if we had not all been mad, we had not committed
those things that brought us here. And I am sure we shall be madder
still, if before we have lost our bodies, we take no heed to save our
souls.”――――“Ay! But (says one of them) we shall some, if not all of
us, get off, for the dead warrant is not come down yet.”――――“What then
(said he) if the dead warrant saves any of our bodies, it does not
save our souls. We have need to be thoughtful about death, and to seek
to have our peace made with God, if we escape death at ♦this time.”
♦ “his” replaced with “this” per Errata
One of the prisoners said, “Can you now forgive your prosecutor?”――“As
I am a dying man (said he) I love all mankind, my prosecutor and all,
as I love my own soul; I do not know any person, not even the greatest
enemy I have or ever had, but whom I as heartily love, as I do myself;
and I can pray for them as readily as I can for my greatest friends.”
The night before the dead warrant came down, he was filled with more
joy than usual, and said, “Now the Lord is smiling upon me; now he is
speaking comfort to my soul; now, now, I find nothing shall separate me
from the love of God in Christ Jesus: O how does the Father of mercies
manifest his love to me, and make me to taste of the joys of heaven
before I come there: now my heart feels what my mouth cannot utter: *he
hath made darkness light before me; my dark cell, and my dark soul, is
full of the glory of the Lord; I am as full as my poor soul can contain
of the divine presence: and if the foretastes of glory are so great,
What must heaven itself be? God hath opened my eyes to behold his glory,
and my soul is dazled with the sight of it.”
When the dead warrant came, and he was informed he was in it: “Blessed
be God, (he said) I am not daunted: I receive the account with joy:
and had it been to have died immediately, it would not have surprized
me; for I am ready for it.――Lord, thou knowest I am waiting for thy
salvation; and must I stay still _Wednesday_ before I am with thee?
Why must my longing soul be kept from thee till then?――――But it is thy
will, and I am content to wait till thou shalt take me for ever unto
thyself.――――O what a blessed day will that be to my soul, when it will
be separated from its body, to be with Christ for ever! Death, do thy
worst; thou canst not hurt me; for thy sting is taken away, and thou
canst but carry me to glory; to the glory prepared for me.――――Lord,
into thy arms I will throw myself. Lord, I come, I come; I long to come
to thee; I resign myself to thee, and I depend for salvation only on
thee, my dear Lord Jesus Christ; thou art my Saviour; thou art my God,
and thou wilt be mine for ever, and ever. Thou hast forgiven me, and
by thy grace I forgive all my enemies. O that they may all be saved,
and brought to live with thee in thy glory.――――O who could have thought
there had been so much sweetness at the bottom of this bitter cup?――――O
_Walton_, _Walton_; turn unto God, before it is too late: let my death
be the means of making thee leave thy evil ways: and may God change thy
heart, and forgive thee, as he hath forgiven me.”
“Oh (said he) I find more solid joy and comfort in death than ever
I found in all the pleasures of life. Oh, that my relations would
not weep for me: it grieves me to see them grieve. Oh, that they may
speedily turn to God, and then, though we part here in sorrow, we shall
meet hereafter in joy; never, never to part again.――Now, my God, I can
sing of thy salvation: my tongue shall sing of thy righteousness: and
shortly shall I be, where I shall sing praises, without ceasing, for
ever.――What will my friends weep when I am thus to be employed! O let
them learn to follow me; not to follow me in sin, to prison, or to a
gallows; but follow me to Christ Jesus.――O that they would attend to
the voice of a dying man, and cry to God for his grace, that they may
break off their sins by repentance, and lay hold of Christ by faith,
for everlasting life and salvation. Beg of God a broken spirit; since
a broken and contrite heart, God will not despise.”
The night before his execution, he spent in prayer and praise, and
was heard to say, “Lord my time is short here, let me not fear in my
last moments: give me courage to face death: let me not be afraid of
its terrors: let thy grace fill me with consolation: and let me go
off the stage of life, testifying what thou hast done for my soul.
May I declare thy pardoning grace to me. To thee, O Lord, do I fly for
succour. To thee I come with a Saviour in my arms; and, if I perish, it
shall be crying out, God _be merciful to me a sinner_! If thou hurlest
me down to hell, I will keep my hold on Christ Jesus, and I will not
let him go till thou dost bless me.”
Praying with a friend (he said) Lord strengthen my faith in my dying
moments, that I may not dishonour thee by the fear of death, but enable
me to bear a testimony to thy pardoning grace. May I die in the full
assurance of faith, and leave a testimony of the freeness of thy grace,
and of thy readiness to pardon the chief of sinners.
The morning of his execution, when his fetters were knocked off, he
pulled off his hat, and with great seriousness, blessed God that had
vouchsafed him his presence, and prayed for the increase and strength
of grace to hold out to the end.
*The person who was taking off his irons said, “He was afraid he should
hurt him.” “Oh, fear not, said he, nothing can hurt me here, and I
shall shortly be where nothing shall hurt me to all eternity.”
When the ordinary of _Newgate_ asked him, “if his peace was made with
God?” He answered, “Yea, I know my peace is made with God, and that God,
for Christ’s sake hath pardoned all my sins.”
As he was going to execution, he seemed full of prayer and praise; his
countenance chearful, and his deportment serious and solid. In _Tyburn
Road_, a gentleman begged leave that the cart might be stopped, for two
young women to speak to him.
To one of them he said, “My dear _Nanny_, don’t fret for me, for I am
going to heaven: look up with an eye of faith, and you will see the
holy angels waiting to be my convoy. My Lord Jesus is calling me, and
I shall shortly be with him in paradise.”
When he came to _Tyburn_, and saw among the spectators, the instrument,
under God, of his conversion, he called out to him.
“Now I know you and I shall soon meet together in glory. I am going
thither, and I know you shall soon follow after. I know that I have
been a vile sinner, undeserving the mercy of God: but I know also that
God, for Christ’s sake, hath pardoned all my sins. Oh, this is a happy
time indeed! Blessed be God I am not afraid to die. Now I experience
what you so often told me about the children of God’s triumphing over
the fears of death.”――――Then with a smile he said, “O death, where
is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is
sin; the strength of sin is the law. But blessed be God, who hath
given me the victory over sin, and over death, through our Lord Jesus
Christ.――Surely God’s mercies are unbounded: they extend to the chief
of sinners: for since the grace of God hath reached me, what room is
there for the vilest sinner to despair of pardon?”
The last words he was heard to speak, was to a near relation. “My dear,
don’t vex yourself for me; for I shall be in heaven in two or three
minutes.” Prayers being ended, he committed his spirit into the hands
of God, with a chearful countenance, being in the 20th year of his age.
His body was taken care of by his friends, and on the _Sunday_
following, was decently interred in _Tindall_’s burial ground.――Mr.
_H._ and another friend, performed the last office of prayer and praise
over his grave, before a great concourse of people; where we must leave
him to rest till the morning of the resurrection, when his body, sown
in dishonour, shall be raised in glory.
An EXTRACT
Of the LIFE and DEATH of
Mr. JOHN JANEWAY.
CHAPTER I.
_An account of him from his childhood, to the seventeenth year
of his age._
MR. _John Janeway_ was born in the year ♦1633, _October 27_, in _Tylly_,
in the county of _Hertford_. He soon gave his parents the hope of much
comfort, and the symptoms of something more than ordinary appeared in
him. For pregnancy of _wit_, solidity of _judgment_, and the greatness
of his _memory_, he had no _superiors_, and few _equals_, considering
his age and education.
♦ “63” replaced with “1633” per Errata
He was initiated in the _Latin_ tongue by his _father_; afterwards
he was brought up at St. _Paul_’s school in _London_, where he made
a considerable proficiency in _Latin_ and _Greek_. When he was about
eleven years old he took a great fancy to the _Hebrew tongue_.
About this time his parents removing into a little village called
_Aspoden_, had the opportunity of having their son instructed by
a learned neighbour, who was pleased to count it diversion to read
_mathematics_ to him, being then about twelve years old; and he made
such progress that he read _Oughtred_ with understanding before he was
thirteen. A person of quality, hearing of the admirable proficiency
of this boy, sent for him up to _London_, and kept him with him for
sometime to read _mathematics_ to him.
In the year 1646, he was chosen by the provost of _Eaton_ college, one
of the foundation of that school: where he gave no unsuitable returns
to the high expectations that were conceived of him.
After a little continuance at _Eaton_, he obtained leave of his master
to go to _Oxford_, to perfect himself in _mathematics_, being with Dr.
_Ward_, one of the professors, he attained to a strange exactness in
that study, the doctor looked upon him as one of the _wonders of his
age_; loved him dearly, and could not for some time after his death
mention his name without tears. When he had spent about a quarter of a
year with Dr. _Ward_, he was commanded to return to _Eaton_, where he
soon gave proof of the improvement of his time while he was absent, by
calculating the eclipses for many years before hand; so that by this
time he had many eyes upon him as the glory of the school. Yet he did
not discover the least self-conceit; every one took more notice of his
parts than himself.
At about seventeen years old he was chose to _King’s-college_ in
_Cambridge_. He was chosen first, and an elder brother of his the
sixth; but he was very willing to change places with his elder brother,
letting him have the first, and thankfully accepting of the sixth place.
Besides his great learning, his deportment was so sweet and lovely, his
demeanor so courteous and obliging, that many of them who had little
kindness for religion could not but speak well of him. His great wisdom
did even command respect: he had an excellent power over his passions,
and was free from vices which usually attend such an age and place.
But all this while he understood little of Christ, or his own soul.
He studied the heavens and the motion of the sun, moon, and stars,
but thought little of God, who made them; the creature had not led him
to the Creator; but God, when he was about eighteen years old shone in
upon his soul with power; and convinced him what a poor thing it was
to know so much of the heavens and never come there. He now thought
Mr. _Bolton_ had reason to say, _Give me the most magnificent glorious
worldling, that ever trod upon earthly mould, richly crowned with all
the ornaments and excellencies of nature, art, policy, preferment,
or what heart can wish besides; yet without the life of grace, to
animate and ennoble them, he were to the eye of heavenly wisdom, but
as a rotten carcase, stuck over with flowers, magnified dung, guilded
rotteness, golden damnation_.
CHAPTER II.
_Of his conversion and carriage when fellow of ♦the college._
♦ duplicate word “the” removed
THE great work of _conversion_, was not ♦carried on upon his soul, in
that dreadful manner that it is upon some, but the Lord was pleased,
sweetly, to unlock his heart, by the exemplary life, and heavenly
discourse of a young man in the college whose heart God had inflamed
with love to his soul. He quickly made an attempt upon this young
man, and the Spirit of God set home his councils with such power,
that they proved effectual for his awakening; being accompanied with
the preaching of Dr. _Hill_, and Dr. _Arrowsmith_, together with the
reading of Mr. _Baxter_’s Saints Everlasting Rest.
♦ “carcarried” replaced with “carried”
Now a mighty alteration might be discerned in him. He did not taste so
much sweetness in those kind of studies, which he so greedily employed
himself in as formerly. He began to pity them who ♦were curious in
their enquiries after every thing, but that which is most needful,
_Christ_, and themselves; and that which sometimes was his gain he
now counted loss for Christ. Not that he looked upon human learning
as useless; but when not improved for Christ? He looked upon wisdom as
folly, and learning as madness, and that which would make one more like
the devil.
♦ “where” replaced with “were”
Mr. _Janeway_ now considered how he might best improve what he did know,
and turn all his studies into the right channel: grace did not take him
off from, but made him more diligent and spiritual in his study. And
now Christ was at the end of every thing: how did he contrive how he
might most express his love and thankfulness to him who had brought him
out of darkness into his marvellous light! To this end he sent up and
down packets of letters, in which, he discoursed so substantially of
the great things of God, that it would not at all have unbecome some
grey head to have owned what he wrote.
He was not a little like _Elihu_, in whose words he used to excuse
his freedom with persons of years. He said, _days should speak, and
multitude of years should teach wisdom; but there is a spirit in a man,
and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding; I am
full of matter, the spirit within me constraineth me: behold my belly
is as wine which hath no vent, it is ready to burst like new bottles, I
will speak that I may be refreshed_. He could not but speak the things
which he had seen and heard, and invite all the world, to taste and see
how good the Lord is.
He began first with his relations, begging them to think of their
immortal souls, and to lay in speedy provisions for eternity. And what
pathetic expressions did he use, what vehement expostulations?
Read what his language was (when he was between _eighteen_ and
_nineteen_ years old) in a letter to a friend that had the care of
many children.
SIR,
YOUR _charge is great upon a temporal account, but greater upon a
spiritual. Out of an earnest desire of the good of souls and your
own joy and peace, I importunately request that you should have a
great care of your children, and be often dropping in some wholesome
admonitions; and this I humbly, with submission to your judgment in
it, commend to you: not to admonish them always together, but likewise
privately one by one. Wherein you may please to press upon ♦them
natural corruption, the necessity of regeneration, the excellency of
Christ, and how unspeakably lovely it is to see young ones setting out
for heaven. This way I think may do most good, having had experience
of it myself in some small measure; God grant that all may work for
the edifying of those who are committed to you. I leave you under the
protection of him that hath loved us, and given himself for us._
♦ “their” replaced with “them” per Errata
When he was about twenty years old, he was made fellow of the college,
which did not a little advance those noble projects which he had for
the interest of the _Lord Christ_. Then how sweetly would he insinuate
into the young ones desiring to carry as many of them as possible with
him to heaven. Many attempts he made upon some of the same house, that
he might season them with grace, and animate those who were _looking
towards heaven_. And as for his own relations, never was there a more
compassionate and tender-hearted brother. How many pathetical letters
did he send to them! And how did he follow them with _prayers_ and
_tears_.
Read what his heart was, in the following lines.
“Distance of place cannot at all lessen that natural bond, whereby
we are conjoined in blood, neither ought to lessen that of love. Nay,
where true love is, it cannot; for love towards you I can only say this,
that I feel it better than I can express it: but love felt and not
expressed is little worth. I therefore desire to make my love manifest
in the best way I can. Let us look upon one another not as brethren
only, but as members of the same body whereof Christ is the head.
Let us therefore hunger after him, so that our close knot may meet
in Christ: if we are in Christ, and Christ in us, then we shall be
one with each other. You cannot complain for want of instruction, God
hath not been to us a dry wilderness; you have had line upon line, and
precept upon precept: he hath planted you by the rivers of water. It is
the Lord indeed who maketh fruitful, but yet we are not to stand and do
nothing. There is a crown worth looking for; seek therefore, and that
earnestly. Oh! seek by continual prayer, keep your soul in a praying
frame, this is a great and necessary duty: nay, a high and precious
privilege. If thou canst say nothing, come and lay thyself in an humble
manner before the Lord. You may believe me, for I have experienced what
I say. There is more sweetness in one glimpse of God’s love, than in
all that the world can afford. Oh! do but try; taste and see how good
the Lord is. Get into a corner and throw yourself down before the Lord,
and beg of God to make you sensible of your lost state by nature, and
of the excellency and necessity of Christ. Say, Lord give me a broken
heart, soften and melt me. Any thing in the world, so I may be enabled
to value Christ, and to accept of him, as he is tendered in the gospel.
O that I may be delivered from the wrath to come! Oh! a blessing for me,
even for me! And resolve not to be content till the Lord have in some
measure answered you. My bowels yearn towards you. Oh! that you did but
know with what affection I write now, and what prayers and tears are
mingled with these lines! The Lord set these things home, and give you
an heart to apply them! Give me leave to deal plainly, for I love your
soul so well, that I cannot bear the thoughts of the loss of it. Know
this, that except a man be born again, he cannot enter into the kingdom
of heaven; God’s favour is not to be recovered without it. This new
birth hath its foundation laid in a sense of sin, a godly sorrow for
it, and a heart set against it; without this there can be no salvation.
Look well about you, and see into yourself, and thou wilt see that thou
art at hell’s mouth without this first step, and nothing but free-grace
and pure mercy is between you and the state of the devils. The Lord
deliver us from a secure careless heart! Here you see a natural man’s
condition. How darest thou then lie down in security. Oh! look about
for your soul’s sake. Repentance itself may lose its labour, if it
be not in the right manner. Tears and groans, and prayers will not do
without Christ. Most, when they are convinced of sin, and are under
fears of hell, reform something, and thus the wound is healed, and by
this thousands fall short of heaven. For if we be not brought off from
ourselves, and our righteousness as well as our sins, we are never like
to be saved. We must see an absolute need of Christ, and give ourselves
up to him, and count all but dung and dross in comparison of Christ’s
righteousness. Look therefore for mercy only in Christ, for his sake
rely upon God’s mercy. The terms of the gospel are, repent and believe;
gracious terms! Mercy for fetching, nay, mercy for desiring, nay, for
nothing but receiving. Dost thou desire mercy and grace? I know thou
dost. Even this is the gift of God to desire, hunger after Christ;
let desires put you upon endeavour, the work itself is sweet: yea,
repentance and mourning itself hath more sweetness in it, than all the
world’s comforts. Upon repentance and believing comes justification,
after this sanctification, by the spirit dwelling in us. By this we
come to be the children of God, to be made partakers of the divine
nature, to have a suitableness to God.”
CHAPTER III.
_His great love to prayer._
HE was mighty in prayer, and his spirit was oftentimes so transported
in it that he forgot the weakness of his own body. Indeed the
acquaintance he had with God was so sweet, and his converse with him so
frequent, that when he was engaged in duty, he scarce knew how to leave
off. His constant course for some years was this. He prayed at least
three times a day in secret, sometimes seven times, twice a day in the
family or college. And he found the sweetness of it beyond imagination
and enjoyed wonderful communion with God. He could say by experience,
that the ways of wisdom were ways of pleasantness, and all her paths
peace. He knew what it was to wrestle with God, and he could scarce
come off his knees, without his blessing. He was used to converse
with God, with a _holy familiarity_ as a _friend_, and would upon all
occasions run to him for advice, and had many strange and immediate
answers of prayer. One of which I think it not impertinent to give an
account of.
His father Mr. _William Janeway_, minister of _Kelshall_ in
_Hertfordshire_, being sick, and under dark apprehensions as to the
state of his soul, he would often say to his son _John_: “Oh! Son! This
passing into eternity is a great thing, this dying is a solemn business,
and enough to make one’s heart ake, that hath not his evidences for
heaven clear. And truly, son, I am under no small fears, as to my own
estate for another world. Oh! That God would clear his love! Oh! that
I could say chearfully, I can upon good grounds be able to look death
in the face, and venture upon eternity with well grounded peace and
comfort.”
Seeing his father continuing under despondings of spirit (though no
Christians that knew him but had a high esteem of his uprightness)
he got by himself and spent sometime in wrestling with God, earnestly
begging that he would speedily give him some token for good, that he
might joyfully and honourably leave this world. After he was risen
from his knees, he came down to his father, and asked him, how he felt
himself. His father made no answer for sometime, but wept exceedingly,
(a passion he was not subject to) and continued for some considerable
time weeping, so that he was not able to speak. But at last having
recovered himself, he burst out: “O! Son! now it is come, it is come,
it is come: I bless God I can die; the spirit of God hath witnessed
with my spirit that I am his child. Now I can look up to God as my dear
Father, and Christ as my redeemer; I can now say, this is my friend,
and this is my beloved. My heart is full, it is brim full, I can hold
no more. I know now what that sentence means, The peace of God which
passeth understanding; I know now what that white stone is wherein a
new name is written, which none know but them that have it, and that
fit of weeping which you saw me in, was from overpowering love and
joy, so great that I could not contain myself: neither can I express
what glorious discoveries God hath made of himself to me. And had that
joy been greater, I question whether it would not have separated soul
and body. Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me, bless
his holy name, that hath pardoned all my sins, and sealed the pardon.
He hath healed my wounds, and caused the bones which he had broken to
rejoice. Oh! help me to bless the Lord, he hath put a new song into my
mouth: now I can die! It is nothing, I bless God I can die. I desire to
be dissolved and to be with Christ.” You may well think his son’s heart
was not a little refreshed to meet the messenger that he had sent to
heaven returned back so speedily.
After the death of his father, he did what he could to supply his
absence, doing the part of a husband, son, and brother; so that he was
no small comfort to his poor mother in her disconsolate state, and all
the rest of his relations, that had any sense of God upon their spirits.
CHAPTER IV.
_His return to King’s-college after his father’s death
and his temptations._
WHEN his father was dead he returned again to _King’s-college_, and was
a member of a society, which began to contrive how they might best be
serviceable to God and their generation. Their custom was frequently to
meet together, to pray and to communicate _studies_ and _experiences_.
Some of this company grew cold, but others lived to let the world
see, that what they did was from a _vital principle_: among whom,
this young man was none of the _least_. One of their designs was to
engage the _Juniors_, if possible, before they were ensnared by wicked
company, when they came from school. After some time, most of his dear
companions were _transplanted_ either into gentlemen’s families or
livings, and Mr. _Janeway_, being one of the youngest, was, for a while,
left alone in the _College_. But wanting suitable society, he fixed so
intensely upon his studies, that he soon gave an incurable wound to his
constitution.
But he had his gloomy days, and his sweets were sometimes imbittered
with dreadful and horrid temptations. The devil shot his poisonous
arrows at him: yet through the captain of his salvation, he came off
more than conqueror.
It would make a Christian’s heart even ake to hear what strange
temptations he was exercised with. But he was well armed for such a
conflict, having the shield of faith, whereby he quenched the fiery
darts of that wicked one: yet, this fight cost him the sweating of his
body for agonies of spirit; and tears and strong cries to heaven. As
for himself, he was wont to take an arrow out of God’s quiver, and
discharge it by faith and prayer, for the discomfiture of his violent
enemy, who at last was fain to fly.
These conflicts with Satan, did not a little help ♦him dealing with
them that are afflicted with the like temptations. I insert a letter
of his to one in the like case.
♦ “in” replaced with “him” per Errata
_Dear Friend_,
‘You say that you are troubled with blasphemous thoughts: so then,
though they are blasphemous, yet they are your trouble; and neither
sent for, nor welcome. What then shall we think of them? If they were
your own production, your heart would be delighted in its own issue,
but it is nothing less. They are the injections of that wicked one,
who is the accuser of the brethren, and the disturber of the peace of
the people of God. But Satan uses only to employ those weapons against
those he is in fear of losing? He is not wont to assault and fight
against his friends in this manner. Those that he hath fast, he leads
on as softly and quietly as he can; fearing lest they should awake,
and see their danger: but those that have in some measure escaped his
snares, he follows hard, with all the discouragements he can. These
things are no other but a bitter relish of those things, which you
know to be bitter after you have tasted how good the Lord is. What then
shall I call these motions of your mind? They are the soul’s loathing
the morsels which Satan would have it swallow: but you will say, if
these horrible thoughts be not your sin, yet they are your misery. And
you will ask, How shall I get free from them? _First_, See that you
possess your soul in patience: know that God hath an over-ruling hand
in all this: and wait upon him, for he can and will bring good out of
all this evil. At present you see no light: yet, _Trust in the Lord,
and stay yourself upon your God_. Can Christ forget the purchase of his
own blood? _Can a mother forget her sucking child?_ Yet, _God cannot
forget his_. God hath gracious intents in all this, and his bowels
yearn towards you. Yea, our Saviour suffers with us, through his ardent
love by sympathy, as well as he hath suffered for us. And you know he
hath all power in his hand. This power is made yours through the prayer
of faith: but for your own work, do this.
‘_First_, Let not such thoughts have any time of abode in your mind,
but turn them out with all the abhorrence you can: yet not with so much
trouble and disturbance of mind as I believe you do. For by this the
devil is pleased and makes you your own tormentor.
‘_Secondly_, Always divert your thoughts to some good thing, and let
those very injections be the occasion of spiritual meditation. Think
the quite contrary, or fall a praying with earnestness; and the devil
will be weary if he finds his designs thus broken, and that those
sparks of hell (which he struck into the soul to kindle corruption,)
set faith and prayer a working.
‘_Thirdly_, Consider that this is no new thing; if any soul hath
escaped out of darkness, if he will have heaven, he shall have it
with as much trouble, as the devil can lay on; but, blessed be God,
he cannot pluck us out of these almighty arms.’
His love to Christ and souls, made him very desirous _to spend, and
be spent in the work of the ministry_. Accordingly he complied with
the first clear call to preach the everlasting gospel. And though he
was but two and twenty years old, yet he came to that work like one
that understood what preaching was. He was a workman that needed not
be ashamed, that was thoroughly furnished for every good word and work;
one that hated sin with a perfect hatred, and loved holiness with all
his soul; one that knew _the terrors of the Lord_, and how to beseech
sinners _in Christ’s stead to be reconciled unto God_: one, in whom
learning and holiness did as it were strive which could excel. He
never preached publicly but twice; but he came to it, as if he had
been used to it forty years; delivering the word of God with that power
and majesty, with that tenderness and compassion, with that readiness
and freedom, that it made his hearers amazed. He spoke nothing to
others but what was the language of his heart, and the fruit of great
experience, and which one might easily perceive had no small impression
first upon his own spirit.
His _first_ and _last_ sermons were upon communion with God, out of
_Job_ xxii. 21. A subject that few Christians under heaven were better
able to manage than himself: for he did for some time maintain such
an intimate familiarity with God, that he seemed to converse with him
as a friend with another. This he began whilst he was here: but the
perfecting his acquaintance with God, was a work for another world.
He kept an exact watch over his thoughts, words and actions, and made a
review of all, at least once a day. He kept a _diary_, in which he set
down every evening what the frame of his spirit had been all the day,
especially in every duty. He took notice what profit he received; what
returns from that far country; what answers of prayer, what deadness
and flatness, and what observable providences. He set down the
substance of what he had been doing: and any wanderings of thoughts,
or passion. It cannot be conceived by them who do not practise this,
to what a good account it turned. This made him retain a grateful
remembrance of mercy, and live in a constant adoring of divine goodness;
this brought him to a very intimate acquaintance with his own heart;
kept his spirit low, and fitted him for free communications from God;
this made him more lively and active; helped him to walk humbly with
God; and made him speak more affectionately and experimentally to
others of the things of God. In a word, this left a sweet calm upon
his spirits, because he every night made even his accounts; and if his
sheets should prove his winding-sheet, it had been all one; for his
work was done; so that death could not surprize him.
CHAPTER V.
_An account of the latter part of his life._
FOR the latter part of his life, he lived like a man that was quite
weary of the world, and that looked upon himself as a stranger here,
and lived in the constant sight of a better. He plainly declared
himself but a pilgrim that looked for a better country, a city that had
foundations, whose builder and maker was God. His habit, his language,
his deportment, all spoke him one of another world. His meditations
were so intense, long, and frequent, that they ripened him apace for
heaven. Few attain to such a holy contempt of the world, and to such
a clear, joyful constant apprehension of the world that is to come.
He made it his whole business to grow into an humble familiarity with
God, and to maintain it. And if by reason of company, or any necessary
business, this was in any measure interrupted, he would complain like
one out of his element, till his spirit was recovered into a delightful,
unmixed, free intercourse with God. He was never so well satisfied,
as when he was more immediately engaged in what brought him nearer to
God; and by this he constantly enjoyed those comforts, which others
rarely meet with. His graces and experiences toward his end grew to
astonishment. He was oft brought into the banqueting-house, and there
Christ’s banner over him was love. His eyes beheld the king in his
beauty: he had frequent visions of glory, and lay in the bosom of
his master. He was even sick of love, and could say to the world,
_O taste and see_! And to Christians, _Come and I will tell you what
God hath done for my soul_. O what do Christians mean that they do
no more to get their senses spiritually exercised? Little do people
think what they slight, when they are formal in secret duties, and when
they neglect that great duty of _meditation_. Did they but know the
thousandth part of that sweetness that is in Christ, they could not
choose but follow him hard; they would run and not be weary; and walk
and not be faint.
In the midst of all worldly comforts he longed for death; and the
thoughts of the day of judgment made all his enjoyments sweeter. O, how
did he long for the coming of Christ! Whilst some have been discoursing
by him of that great and terrible day of the Lord, he would smile, and
humbly express his delight in the forethought of its approach.
I remember once, one had foretold that _doomsday_ should be upon
such a day: although he blamed their daring folly, yet granting their
suspicion to be true, he said, what if the day of judgment were to
come, as it certainly will come shortly? If I were sure it were to
begin within an hour, I should be glad with all my heart. If at this
instant I should hear such thunderings, and see such lightnings, as
Israel did at mount _Sinai_, my very heart would leap for joy. Through
infinite mercy, the very meditation of that day ravishes my soul, and
the thought of the nearness of it is more refreshing than the comforts
of the whole world. Surely nothing can more revive my spirits than
to behold the blessed Jesus, the joy, and life of my soul. Would it
not more rejoice me than _Joseph_’s waggons did old _Jacob_? I lately
dreamed that the day of judgment was come. Methought I heard terrible
cracks of thunder, and saw dreadful lightnings; the foundations of
the earth shook, and the heavens were rolled together as a garment;
methought I saw the graves opened, and the earth and sea giving up
their dead; I saw millions of angels, and Christ coming in clouds.
I beheld the Ancient of Days sitting upon his throne, and all other
thrones cast down. I beheld him whose garments were white as snow,
and the hair of his head like pure wool: His throne was like the
fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire; ten thousand times ten
thousand stood before him; and the judgment was set and the books were
opened. Oh with what an extasy of joy was I surprized! It was the most
heart-raising sight that ever my eyes beheld: I cried out, _I have
waited for thy salvation O God_; and mounted into the air, to meet my
Lord.
This was the condition of Mr. _Janeway_ for about three years before
he died. He had some clouds; but he usually walked in a sweet, even,
humble serenity of spirit; having his heart fixed upon that rock that
neither waves nor winds could shake.
CHAPTER VI.
_His last sickness and death._
HE now fell into a deep consumption; but, this messenger of God did not
in the least damp him. Spitting of blood, was no ghastly thing to one
who had his eye upon the blood of Jesus; faint sweats did not daunt him
that had always such reviving cordials at hand. It was matter of joy to
him, that he was now in hopes of having his earnest desires satisfied.
After he had been a while sick, a hidden dimness seized upon his
eyes: by and by his sight quite failed; and there was such a visible
alteration in him, that he and others judged these things to be the
symptoms of death approaching. But when he was thus taken he was not in
the least surprized; but was lifted up with joy to think what a life he
was going to, looking upon death itself as one of his fathers servants,
and his friend, that was sent as a messenger to conduct him safely to
his glorious palace.
But it pleased the Lord to raise him again a little out of his fainting
fit, for his Master had yet more work for him to do. Although his
outward man decayed apace, yet he was renewed in the inward man day
by day: his graces were never more active, and his experience never
greater. When one would have thought, it had been enough for him
to grapple with his pains, he quite forgot his weakness: and was so
swallowed up of the life to come, that he had scarce leisure to think
of his sickness.
For several weeks together, I never heard the least word that savoured
of any complaint or weariness under the hand of God. Now was the time
when one might have seen heaven and the glory of another world realized
to sense. His faith grew exceedingly, and his love was proportionable,
and his joys were equal to both.
It was a very heaven upon earth, to hear and see a man admiring God
at such a rate. Those that did not see, cannot well conceive, what
a sweet frame he was in, for at least six weeks before he died. His
soul was almost always filled with those joys unspeakable and full of
glory. How oft would he cry out, “Oh, that I could let you know what
I now feel! Oh, that I could shew you what I see! Oh that I could
express the thousandth part of that sweetness that I find in Christ!
You would all think it well worth the while to make it your business to
be religious. Oh my dear friends, we little think what Christ is worth
upon a death bed. I would not for a world, nay for millions of worlds,
be now without Christ, and a pardon. I would not for a world be to live
any longer: the very thoughts of a possibility of recovery, make me
tremble.”
When one came to visit him, and told him, that he hoped it might please
God to raise him again. _And do you think to please me_ (said he) _by
such discourse as this?_ No, friend, you are much mistaken if you think
that the thoughts of life and health are pleasing to me. The world hath
quite lost its excellency in my judgment. How poor a thing is it in all
its glory compared with that world which I now live in the sight of!
And as for life, Christ is my life, health, and strength; and I know, I
shall have another kind of life, when I leave this. I tell you it would
incomparably more please me, if you should say to me, “before to-morrow
you will be in eternity.” I so long to be with Christ, that I could
be contented to be cut in pieces, so I might but die and be with him.
Oh how sweet is Jesus! _Come Lord Jesus, come quickly._ Death do thy
worst! Death hath lost it terribleness. Death, it is nothing, I say,
death is nothing (through grace) to me. I can as easily die as shut my
eyes, to turn my head and sleep: _I long to be with Christ; I long to
die!_
His mother and brethren standing by him he said; “_Dear mother_, I
beseech you, that you would chearfully give me up to Christ; do not
hinder me, now I am going to rest in glory. I am afraid of your prayers,
lest they pull one way, and mine another.”
And then turning to his brethren, he said, “I charge you do not pray
for my life; you do me wrong if you do. Oh that glory, the unspeakable
glory that I behold! My heart is full, my heart is full. Christ smiles,
and I cannot chuse but smile: can you find in your heart to stop me,
who am now going to the compleat and eternal enjoyment of Christ?
Would you keep me from my crown? The arms of my blessed Saviour are
open to embrace me; the angels stand ready to carry my soul into his
bosom. Oh, did you but see what I see, you would all cry out with me,
how long, dear Lord; come, Lord Jesus, come quickly! oh, why are his
chariot-wheels so long a coming!”
A minister came often to him, and discoursed with him of the excellency
of Christ, and the glory of the invisible world. _Sir_, said he, _I
feel something of it; my heart is as full as it can hold in this lower
state; I can hold no more here. Oh that I could let you know what I
feel!_
This holy minister praying with him, his soul was ravished with the
abundant incomes of light, life, and love; so that he could scarce
bear the thought of staying longer in the world, but longed to be in
such a condition, wherein he should be better able to bear that weight
of glory; some manifestations whereof did almost sink his weak body.
Indeed had he not been sustained by a great power, his very joys would
have overwhelmed him. While he was in these extasies of joy and love,
he was wont to cry out:
‘Who am I, Lord, who am I, that thou shouldst be mindful of me! Why me,
Lord, why me! Oh, what shall I say unto thee, thou preserver of men!
Oh why me, Lord, why me! If thou wilt look upon such a poor worm, who
can hinder! Who would not love thee! Oh blessed Father? How sweet and
gracious hast thou been unto me!’
*‘Stand astonished, ye heavens, and wonder, O ye angels, at his
infinite grace! Was ever any under heaven more beholding to free grace
than I? Doth God use to do thus with his creatures? Admire him for
ever and ever, Oh ye redeemed ones! Oh those joys, the taste of which
I have! The everlasting joys, which are at his right hand for evermore!
Eternity, eternity itself is too short to praise this God in. O bless
the Lord with me, come let us shout for joy, and boast in the God of
our salvation. Oh, help me to praise the Lord, for his mercy endureth
for ever.’
One of his brethren (that had formerly been wrought upon by his holy
exhortations) praying with him, and seeing him (as he apprehended) near
his dissolution, desired that the Lord would be pleased to continue
those astonishing comforts to the last moment, that he might go from
one heaven to another; and when his work was done here, might have an
easy and triumphant passage to rest.
Mean time he talked as if he had been in the third heaven, and broke
out:
‘Oh, he is come! He is come! O how sweet! How glorious is the blessed
Jesus! What shall I do to speak the thousandth part of his praises!
Oh for words, to set out a little of that excellency! But it is
inexpressible! Oh how excellent, glorious and lovely is the precious
Jesus! He is sweet, he is altogether lovely! And now I am sick of love,
he hath ravished my soul with his beauty! I shall die sick of love!
‘Oh my friends, stand by and wonder, come look upon a dying man, and
wonder; I cannot myself but stand and wonder! Was there ever a greater
kindness; was there ever sensibler manifestations of rich grace!
Oh, why me! Lord, why me! Sure this is akin to heaven, and if I were
never to enjoy any more than this: it were well worth all the torments
that men and devils could invent, to come through even hell to such
transcendent joys. If this be dying, let no true Christian ever be
afraid of dying. Oh death is sweet to me. This bed is soft. Christ’s
arms and kisses, his smiles and visits, would turn hell into heaven. Oh
that you did but see and feel what I do! Come and behold a dying man,
more chearful than ever you saw an healthful man in the midst of his
sweetest enjoyments. Oh Sirs, worldly pleasures are poor, sorry things,
compared with one glimpse of this glory, which shines in so strongly
into my soul! Oh why should any of you be so sad, when I am glad: this,
this is the hour that I have waited for!’
About eight and forty hours before his death, his eyes were dim, and
his sight failed; his jaws shook and trembled, and his feet were cold,
and all the symptoms of death were upon him. His extreme parts were
already dead, and yet, his joys were (if possible) greater still. He
seemed to be in one continued act of seraphic love and praise. He spake
like one that was just entring into the gates of the new _Jerusalem_:
the greatest part of him was now in heaven; not a word dropt from his
mouth but it breathed Christ and heaven.
Then he would give instructions to them that came to see him. He was
scarce ever silent, because the love of Christ and souls constrained
him. There was so much work done for Christ in his last hours, that he
did as much in one hour as some do in a year.
Every person had a faithful affectionate warning. And that good
minister, that was so much with him, used this as an argument to
persuade him to be willing to live a little longer, “God hath something
for thee to do that is yet undone; some word of exhortation to some
poor soul, that you have forgot.”
He was wont every evening to take his leave of his friends, hoping not
to see them till the morning of the resurrection; and he desired that
they would make sure of a comfortable meeting at our Father’s house in
that other world.
When Ministers or Christians came to him, he would beg of them to
spend all the time they had with him in praise. ‘O help me to praise
God, I have nothing to do from this time to eternity, but to praise
and love God. I have what my soul desires upon earth; I cannot tell
what to pray for, but what I have graciously given.’ The wants that are
capable of supplying in this world, are supplied. I want but one thing,
and that is, _a speedy lift to heaven_. I expect no more here, I can’t
desire more, I can’t hear more. Oh praise, praise, praise that infinite
boundless love that hath, to a wonder, looked upon my soul. ‘Help me,
O my friends, to praise and admire him that hath done such astonishing
wonders for my soul: he hath pardoned all my sins, he hath filled me
with his goodness; he hath given me grace and glory, and no good thing
hath he withheld from me.
‘Come, help me with praises, all are too little: come, help me, Oh ye
glorious and mighty angels, who are so well skilled in this heavenly
work. Praise him, all ye creatures upon earth, let every thing that
hath being, help me to praise him, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah:
praise is now my work, and I shall be engaged in that sweet employment
for ever. Bring the bible, turn to _David’s psalms_, and let us sing a
_psalm_ of praise: come let us lift up our voice in the praise of the
Most High; I with you as long as my breath doth last, and when I have
none, I shall do it better.’
Then turning to some of his friends that were weeping, he desired
them rather to rejoice than weep. It may seem a wonder, he could
speak so much as he did when he was so weak; but the joy of the Lord
strengthened him.
He commended the study of the promises to believers, and desired that
they would be sure to make good their claim to them, and then they
might come to the wells of consolation and drink thereof their fill.
According to his desire most of the time that was spent with him, was
spent in praise; and he would be still calling out, _more praise still_.
‘O help me to praise him; I have now nothing else to do; I have done
with prayer and all other ordinances; I have almost done conversing
with mortals. I shall presently be beholding Christ himself, that died
for me, and loved me, and washed me in his blood.
‘I shall, before a few hours are over, be in eternity, singing the
song of _Moses_, and of the _Lamb_. I shall presently stand upon mount
_Zion_, with an innumerable company of angels, and the spirits of the
just made perfect, and Jesus the mediator of the new covenant. I shall
hear the voice of much people, and be one amongst them, which shall say,
hallelujah, salvation, glory, honour, and power unto the Lord our God;
and again, we shall say, hallelujah. Yet a very little while, and I
shall sing unto the _Lamb_, saying, worthy, art thou to receive praise
who wert slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood, out of every
kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation, and hast made us unto our
God, kings, and priests, and we shall reign with thee for ever and ever.
‘Methinks, I stand, as it were, with one foot in heaven, and the other
upon earth. Methinks I hear the melody of heaven, and see the angels
waiting to carry my soul to the bosom of Jesus, I shall be for ever
with the Lord in glory. And who can chuse but rejoice in all this?’
The day before his death, he looked earnestly on his brother _James_,
who stood by him very sad; of whom he judged, that he was putting
up some ejaculation to God upon his account: _I thank thee, my dear
brother, for thy love_, said he, _thou art now praying for me; and I
know thou hast loved me dearly: but Christ loved me ten thousand times
more than thou dost; come and kiss me dear brother, before I die_.
And so with his cold, dying lips he kissed him, and said, _I shall go
before, and I hope thou shalt follow after to glory_.
Though he was almost always praising God, and exhorting them that were
about him to mind their everlasting concerns, and though he slept but
very little for some nights, yet he was not in the least impaired in
his intellectuals, but his actions were all decent and becoming, and
his discourse rational, solid, divine. And so he continued to the last
minute.
A few hours before his death he called all his relations together, that
he might give them one solemn warning more; and bless them, and pray
for them as his breath and strength would give him leave: which he did
with abundance of authority, affection and spirituality.
_First_, he thanked his dear mother for her tender love to him, and
desired that she might be in travail to see Christ formed in the souls
of the rest of her children, and might see of the travail of her soul,
and meet them with joy in that great day.
_Then_ he charged all his brethren and sisters as they would answer
it before God, to carry it dutiful to their dear mother. And for his
eldest brother _William_ (at whose house he lay sick) his prayer was
that he might be swallowed up of Christ and love to souls; and be more
and more exemplary in his life and successful in his ministry.
His next brother’s name was _Andrew_, a citizen of _London_, who
was with him sometimes; but (his necessary business calling him away)
he could not then be by. Yet he was not forgot, but he was thus blessed,
_The God of heaven remember my poor brother at_ London; _the Lord make
him truly rich in giving him the pearl of great price, and make him a
fellow citizen with the saints, and of the houshold of God; the Lord
deliver him from the sins of that city; may the world be kept out of
his heart. Oh that he may be as his name is, a strong man, and that I
may meet him with you_.
_Then_ he called his next brother whose name was _James_ (whom God had
made him a spiritual father to) and said _brother_ James, _I hope the
Lord hath given thee a goodly heritage; the lines are fallen to thee in
pleasant places: the Lord is thy portion_. I _hope the Lord hath shewed
thee the worth of Christ_. Hold on, dear brother; Christ, heaven and
glory, are worth striving for; the Lord give thee more abundance of his
grace.
_Then_ his next brother _Abraham_ was called, to whom he spake to this
purpose, _the blessing of the God of_ Abraham _rest upon thee, the Lord
make thee a father of many spiritual children_.
His _fifth_ brother was _Joseph_, whom he blessed in this manner; _Let
him bless thee, Oh_ Joseph, _that blessed him that was separated from
his brethren. O that his everlasting arms may take hold on thee! It
is enough, if yet thou mayest live in his sight. My heart hath been
working toward thee poor_ Joseph; _and I am not without hopes, that
the arms of the Almighty will embrace thee. The God of thy father bless
thee with the blessing of heaven above._
_The next_ was his sister Mary, to whom he spoke thus, _poor sister_
Mary, _thy body is weak and thy days will ♦be filled with bitterness;
thy name is_ Marah; _the Lord sweeten all with his grace and peace, and
give thee health in thy soul. Be patient, make sure of Christ, and all
is well._
♦ “he” replaced with “be”
_Then_ his other sister whose name was _Sarah_ was called; whom he thus
blessed, _Sister_ Sarah, _thy body is strong and healthful: Oh that thy
soul may be so too! The Lord make thee first a wise virgin, and then a
mother in_ Israel; _a pattern of modesty, humility, and holiness_.
_Then_ another brother, _Jacob_ was called, whom he blessed after this
manner; _The Lord make thee an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no
guile! Oh that thou mayest learn to wrestle with God, and like a prince
mayest prevail, and not go without a blessing_.
Then he prayed for his youngest brother _Benjamin_, who was then but an
infant; _Poor little_ Benjamin, _O that the Father of the fatherless,
would take care of the poor child, that thou, which never sawest thy
father upon earth, mayest see him with joy in heaven; The Lord be thy
Father, and portion: mayest thou prove the son of thy mother’s right
hand, and the joy of her age._
‘O that none of us all may be found amongst the unconverted in the
day of judgment! Oh that every one of us may appear (with our honoured
father and dear mother) before Christ with joy, that they may say, Lord,
here are we, and the children which thou hast given us. Oh that we may
live to God here, and live with him hereafter.’
“And now my dear mother, brethren and sisters, farewell; I leave you
for awhile and I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace,
which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among
all them that are sanctified.”
“And now dear Lord, my work is done. I have finished my course, I have
fought the good fight; and henceforth there remaineth for me a crown of
righteousness! Now come, dear Lord Jesus, come quickly.”
Then the minister came to give him his last visit, and to do the office
of an inferior angel, to help to convey his blessed soul to glory. When
the minister spake to him, his heart was in a flame of love, and joy,
which drew tears of joy from him, to hear a man just dying, talk as ♦if
he came from the immediate presence of God. One might have read _grace_
and _glory_ in his countenance. Oh the praise, the triumphant praises
that he put up! And every one must speak praise about him, or else they
made a jar in his harmony.
♦ “of” replaced with “if” per Errata
And indeed most did, as well as they could, help him in praise. So that
I never heard, or knew more praise given to God in one room, than in
his chamber.
A little before he died, in the prayer or rather praises, he was
so wrapped up with admiration and joy, that he could scarce forbear
shouting for joy. In the conclusion of the duty, with abundance of
faith and fervency, he said aloud, _Amen, Amen_.
And now his desires shall soon be satisfied; death comes apace to do
his office; his jaws are loosened more and more, his hands and feet
are cold as clay, and a cold sweat is upon him: but, oh how glad was
he when he felt his spirit just a going! never was death more welcome
to any mortal. Though the pangs of death were strong, yet that far
more exceeding weight of glory, made him endure bitter pains with much
patience and courage. In the extremity of his pains, he desired his
eldest brother to take away one pillow from him that he might die with
more ease: His brother replied, that he durst not for a world, do any
thing that might hasten his death a moment. Then he was well satisfied,
and sweetly resigned himself up wholly to God’s disposal: and after a
few minutes, he gave himself a little turn on one side, and departed to
the Lord.
Oh that all the relations which thou hast left behind thee, may live
thy life, and die thy death, and live with Christ and thee, for ever
and ever. _Amen, Amen._
He died June, 1657, aged 23‒24, and was buried in Kelshall Church in
Hertfordshire.
An EXTRACT of the
LIFE AND DEATH OF
Mr. THOMAS HALIBURTON.
The PREFACE.
1. “THE _kingdom of |God|,” saith our blessed |Lord|, “is within you.”
It is no outward, no distant thing: “but a well of living water” in the
soul, “springing up into everlasting life.” It is “righteousness and
peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.” It is holiness and happiness._
2. _The general manner wherein it pleases |God| to set it up in
the heart is this. A sinner, being drawn by the love of the Father,
enlightened by the Son (“the true light which lighteth every man that
cometh into the world”) and convinced of sin by the Holy Ghost; through
the preventing grace which is given him freely, cometh weary and heavy
laden, and casteth all his sins upon him that is “mighty to save.”
He receiveth from him, true living faith. Being justified by faith he
hath peace with |God|: he rejoices in hope of the glory of |God|, and
knows that sin hath no more dominion over him. And the love of |God|
is shed abroad in his heart, producing all holiness of heart and of
conversation._
3. _This work of |God| in the soul of man is so described in the
following treatise, as I have not seen it in any other, either antient
or modern, in our own or any other language. So that I cannot but value
it next to the holy scriptures, above any other human composition,
excepting only the |Christian pattern|, and the small remains of
Clemens Romanus, Polycarp, and |Ignatius|._
4. _Yet this great servant of |God| at some times fell back from
the glorious liberty he had received, into the spirit of fear and
sin and bondage. But why was it thus? Because the hand of the |Lord|
was shortened? No verily: but because he did not abide in |Christ|;
because he did not cleave to him with all his heart: because he grieved
the holy Spirit, by some, perhaps undiscerned, unfaithfulness; who
thereupon for a season departing from him, left him weak and like
another man._
5. _But it may be said, “The gospel covenant does not promise entire
freedom from sin.” What do you mean by the word sin? Those numberless
weaknesses and follies, sometimes (improperly) termed sins of
infirmity? If you mean only this, we shall not put off these but with
our bodies. But if you mean, “It does not promise entire freedom from
sin, in its proper sense, or from committing sin:” this is by no means
true, unless the scripture be false: for thus it is written: “whosoever
is born of |God| doth not commit sin:” (unless he lose the spirit of
adoption, if not finally, yet for awhile, as did this child of God)
“for his seed remaineth in him, and he cannot sin, because he is born
of |God|.” He cannot sin so long as “he keepeth himself;” for then
“that wicked one toucheth him not.”_ 1 John iii. 9, 5, 18.
6. _We see then how to judge of that other assertion, “That the mercy
of |God| to his sons in |Christ Jesus|, extends to all infirmities,
follies and sins, multiplied relapses not excepted.” We grant many of
the children of |God| find mercy, notwithstanding multiplied relapses.
But tho’ it is possible a man may be a child of |God|, who is not fully
freed from sin, it does not follow that freedom from sin is impossible;
or, that it is not to be expected by all; for it is promised. It is
described by the Holy Ghost as the common privilege of all. And “|God|
will be mindful (O let us be so!) of his covenant and promise, which he
hath made to a thousand generations.”_
7. _This caution is necessary to be remembered, that ye who are weak
be not offended. Neither be ye offended, when ye hear the wisdom of the
world pronounce all this, mere enthusiasm: a hard word, which most of
those who are fondest of it, no more understand ♦than they do Arabic.
Ask, in the spirit of meekness, him who calls it so, “Is the kingdom
of |God| set up in |your| soul? Do |you| feel that peace of |God| which
passeth all understanding? Do |you| rejoice with joy unspeakable and
full of glory? Is the love of |God| shed abroad in |your| heart, by the
Holy Ghost which dwelleth in |you|?” If not, you are no judge of these
matters. You cannot discern the things of the spirit of |God|. They
are enthusiasm, madness, foolishness to you: for they are spiritually
discerned._
♦ duplicate word “than” removed
8. _Ask such a one (but with meekness and love) “Are |you| taught of
|God|? Do you know that he abideth in you? Have you the revelation of
the Holy Ghost (they are the words of your own church) inspiring into
you the true meaning of scripture?” If you have not, with all your
human science and worldly wisdom, you know nothing yet as you ought
to know. Whatever you are in other respects, as to the things of |God|,
you are an unlearned and ignorant man. And if you are unstable too,
you will wrest these, as you do also the other scriptures, to your own
destruction._
9. _Be not then surprized, ye that wait for peace, and joy, and
love, thro’ faith in the blood of |Jesus|, that such judges, as these
are continually crying out “Enthusiasm!” if you speak of the inward
operations of the Holy Ghost. And as to you who have already peace
with |God|, thro’ our |Lord Jesus Christ|, who now feel his love shed
abroad in your hearts, by the Holy Ghost which is given unto you;
with whose spirit the spirit of |God| beareth witness, that ye are the
sons of |God|; it is your part to confirm your love toward them in all
lowliness and meekness: (for who is it that maketh thee to differ? Or
what hast thou, which thou hast not received?) And to plead earnestly
for them at the throne of grace, that the day-star may appear in their
hearts also, and the sun of righteousness at length arise upon them,
with healing in his wings!_
London,
February 9, 1738‒9.
JOHN WESLEY.
PART I.
CHAPTER I.
_A short account of his birth and life, till ten years of age._
1. MR. _Thomas Haliburton_, was born at _Duplin_, in the parish of
Aberdalgy, (of which his father was sometime minister) on _December 25,
1674_. The three former parts of the following account were wrote by
himself: the last is partly extracted from his diary, and partly taken
from eye and ear-witnesses.
2. The common occurrences of the life of one in all respects so
inconsiderable, are not worth recording; and if recorded, could be of
little use either to my self or others. But if I can recount what has
past between God and my soul, so as to discover not only the parts of
this work, the several advances it made, the opposition of the world,
the devil and my own heart; if I can represent this work in its order,
it may be of great use to my own establishment; and, should it fall
into the hands of any other Christian, it might not be unuseful: for
the work of God in all is, as to the substance, the same and uniform;
and as face answers to face in a glass, so does one Christian’s
experience answer to another’s; and both to the word of God.
3. I came into the world with a nature wholly corrupted, and a heart
fully set in me to do evil: and from the morning of my days, though I
was under the great light of the gospel, and the inspection of pious
parents, and not yet corrupted by custom; yet the imaginations of my
heart, and the whole tenor of my life were only evil continually.
4. Indeed, in this period of my life, I had unusual advantages: my
parents were eminently religious; I continually heard the sound of
divine truth in their instructions, and had the beauty of holiness set
before my eyes in their example. They kept me from ill company, and
habituated me early to such outwards duties as I was capable of. But
this care of my father during his life, (which ended October, 1682,)
and of my mother after his death, did not change, but only hide nature.
And, though I cannot remember all the particulars, from the fourth
or fifth year of my life; yet I do remember the general bent of my
mind, which was even then wholly set against God: insomuch, that
when I now survey the decalogue, and review this portion of my time,
notwithstanding the great distance, I still distinctly remember, and
could easily enumerate many instances of the opposition of my heart
unto every one of its precepts.
*5. For many years it is true, the sins of this part of my life were
entirely out of my thoughts. But when God began to convince me of
sin, even those I had long since forgotten, those that were of an
older date than any thing else I could remember, and not attended
with any such remarkable circumstances, as could be supposed to make
a deep impression on my memory, were brought on my mind with unusual
distinctness. Whence I cannot but observe: 1. What exact notice the
holy God takes of what men pass over as pardonable follies. 2. How just
reason we have to fear, that in the strokes we feel in riper years, God
is “making us to possess the iniquities of our youth.” 3. What an exact
register, conscience, God’s deputy, keeps; how early it begins; how
accurate it is (even when it seems to sleep) and how it will justify
his severity against sinners at the last day. O how far up will it
fetch its accounts of those evils which we mind nothing of! When God
shall open our eyes to discern those _prints which he setteth upon the
heels of our feet; when the books shall be opened, and the dead, small
and great, judged out of the things that are written therein_!
*6. When I review this first period of my life, what reason have I to
be ashamed, and even confounded, to think I have spent ten years of
a short life, without almost a rational thought, undoubtedly without
any that was not sinful. And this being matter of undoubted experience,
I have herein a strong confirmation of my faith, as to the guilt of
_Adam_’s sin, and its imputation to his posterity: for, 1. From a child
the bent of my soul was “enmity against God.” Nor was this the effect
of custom or education, no; there was a sweet conspiracy of precept,
discipline and example, to carry me the contrary way. Nor can I charge
the fault of this on my constitution of body, or any thing that might
in a natural way proceed from my parents. Yet was this enmity so strong
as not to be supprest, much less subdued, by the utmost care, and
the best outward means. This is undoubted fact. 2. To say, I was thus
originally framed without respect to any sin chargeable on me, is a
position so full of flat contrariety to all the notions I can entertain
of God, to his wisdom, his equity, and his goodness, that I cannot
think of it without horror. 3. Penal then this corruption must be, as
death and diseases are. And whereof can it be a punishment, if not of
_Adam_’s sin? While then these things are so plain in fact, and the
deduction so easy from them, whatever subtle arguments any use against
this great truth, I have no reason to be moved thereby.
7. Hence, lastly, I am taught what estimate to make of those good
inclinations with which some are said to be born. Either they are the
early effects of preventing grace; or, of education, custom, occasional
restraints, and freedom from temptation. A natural temper may be easily
influenced by some of these, and by the constitution of the body, to a
distaste of those grosser sins which makes the most noise in the world.
Yet all this is but sin under a disguise: and the odds is not great.
The one sort of sinners promise good fruit, but deceive; whereas the
openly profane forbid expectation. And yet of this last sort more
receive the gospel than of the former. _Verily I say unto you, the
publicans and harlots go into the kingdom of God before you._
CHAPTER II.
_An account of the next two years of his life._
1. IN May 1685, I went with my mother into Holland, and being in some
danger while we were at sea, my conscience, till then asleep, began to
awaken, and to be terrified with apprehensions of death. But all this
concern was nothing more than natural fear, and a selfish desire of
preservation. I was unwilling to die, and afraid of hell: it was not
sin, but the consequence of it I wanted to escape. The glory of God I
was not concerned for at all; and accordingly was the event. I promised,
that were I at land, I would keep all his commands. My mother told me,
it would not hold. But I was too ignorant of my own heart to believe
her: I multiplied engagements, and doubted not but I should perform
them. But no sooner was I fixed at Rotterdam, than I forgot all my
promises and resolutions. The unrenewed heart being free from the force
put upon it, fell again into its old course. Nay, I grew still worse:
the corruption that stopped for awhile, now ran with greater violence.
It is true, my awe for my mother, and the power of education, still
restrained me from open sins. But to many secret things I was strongly
inclined, and in many instances followed my inclinations: being a ready
and easy prey to every temptation, notwithstanding all my engagements.
2. My sins here had this grievous aggravation, they were committed
against greater light, and more of the means of grace, than I had ever
before enjoyed. We had sermons almost every day, and were catechized
every Saturday. My mother took care I should attend most of these,
and at the same time, private duties, praying with me, and for me,
and obliging me to read the scripture, and other useful books. But so
far was all this from having its due effect, that I was weary of it,
and went on in sin: though not without frequent convictions, occasioned
sometimes by the remains of my education. Yet all these were only
as the starts of a sleeping man, disturbed by some sudden noise: he
stirs a little but soon sinks down again, faster asleep than before. I
easily freed myself from them, either by promising to hear, or comply
with them afterward, by withdrawing from the means of conviction,
by extenuating my sins; or by turning my eye to some thing I thought
good in myself, though God knows I had little which had even the
appearance of it. At other times I looked to the tendency of these
convictions, _viz._ the engaging me to be holy; and then I pored upon
the difficulties of that course, till I had frighted myself from a
compliance with them. If all these shifts failed, I then betook myself
to diversions, which soon choaked the word, and all convictions from it.
3. In December 1686, upon the earnest desire of my father’s sister,
married to the provost of Perth, I was sent home. While I stayed in
this family, I saw nothing of religion; and I easily took the liberty
they gave, and made fair advances towards rejecting the very form of
it. My aversion to those sins, which through the influence of education
I abominated before, sensibly weakened. My hate to learning increased,
which I looked on as a burthen and a drudgery, worse than the basest
employment. And many a sinful shift did I betake myself to, that I
might get the time shuffled over. In spring my mother came to me. I
was then so rooted in ill, that in spite of natural affection, I was
grieved at her return; and when I first heard her voice, it damped me.
I cared not to see her; nor was there any thing I disliked more than
her conversation. I feared to be questioned as to what was past, or
to be restrained from my sinful liberty. However, in the beginning of
summer, my mother took me again to Rotterdam, and put me to Erasmus’s
school there. Here, though I stayed not long, the method of teaching
took with me, so that I began to delight in learning. But otherwise I
was still worse and worse, under all the means God made use of to bring
me to myself.
CHAPTER III.
_Of the revival of his convictions, and their effects
till 1690._
1. IN the beginning of Autumn 1687, we returned home, and fixed at
Perth. Here I was immediately sent to school, and made more progress
in learning than before. But as to religion, I continued as unconcerned
about, and as averse from it as ever. However I behaved myself under
my mother’s eye, when I was with my comrades I took my full liberty;
and, notwithstanding my greater knowledge, ran with them into all the
same follies and extravagancies. And thus I continued till toward the
close of king James’s reign; when the fear of some sudden stroke from
the Papists, of which there was every where a great noise, revived my
concern about religion. Of this, being somewhat deeper than before, I
shall endeavour to give a distinct account.
2. It was about this time that God by the preaching of the word, and
by catechizing in publick and private, enlightened my mind farther with
the notional knowledge of the law, and of the gospel. And then sin was
left without excuse, and conscience being armed with more knowledge,
its checks were more frequent and sharp, and not so easily evaded; some
touches of sickness too rivetted in me the impressions of frailty and
mortality, and the tendency of each of those numerous diseases, to
which we are daily exposed. And hereby I was brought into, and kept
under continual bondage through fear of death.
3. I was now cast into the most grievous disquietude, having sorrow in
my heart daily. I was in a dreadful strait betwixt two, on the one hand,
my fears gave an edge to my convictions of sin. This made me attend
more to the word of God; the more I attended to it, they increased the
more; and I saw there was no way to be freed from them, but by being
thoroughly religious. On the other hand if I should engage in religion
in earnest, I saw the hazard of suffering, perhaps dying for it. And
this I could not think of. Betwixt both I was dreadfully tost, so that
for some nights, sleep went from my eyes. There was often imprest on my
fancy, one holding a dagger to my breast, with “Quit your religion or
die.” And that so strongly, that I have almost fainted under it, being
still terribly unresolved what to do. Some times I would let him give
the fatal stroke; but then my spirits failed, and my heart sunk within
me. At other times I resolved to quit my religion, and take it again
when the danger was past. But neither could I find rest here. What
thought I, if he destroy me afterward, and so I loose both life and
religion? Or what if I die, before the danger is past, and so have no
time to take it again.
♦4. For near a year, few weeks, nay, few days and nights, past over me
without these struggles. But after King James’s army was overthrown,
on July 27, 1689, I soon grew as remiss as before. All my remaining
difficulty was to stifle my convictions, which I endeavoured partly
by a more careful attendance on outward duties, partly by promising to
abstain from those sins, which most directly crost my light, and partly
by resolving to enquire farther into the will of God, and to comply
with it _hereafter_.
♦ “3.” replaced with “4.”
5. But these courses afforded no solid repose. The first sin against
light or omission of duty, shook all, and I was confounded at the
thoughts of appearing before God in such a righteousness. Indeed, I
had some ease when trials were at a distance; but it vanished on their
approach. This was not gold tried in the fire; nor would it abide so
much as a near view of danger; but at the very appearance of a storm,
the foundation fell away.
6. The effects of my being thus exercised were: 1. I was brought
to doubt of the truths of religion. Whenever I would have built on
them in time of distress, a suspicion secretly haunted me; “What if
these things are not so? Have I a certainty and evidence about them,
answerable to the weight that is to be laid upon them?” Death and the
trouble attending it, were certain things: but I was not so certain
of the truths of religion. Still when, under apprehensions of death, I
would have taken rest therein, but my mind began to waver. Not that I
could give any reason for it; but _the way of the wicked is as darkness;
they know not at what they stumble_. 2. I found plainly hereby that I
could never have peace, till I came to another sort of certainty about
religion. Death I saw was unavoidable and might be sudden; nor could
I banish the thoughts of it. Therefore I concluded, “Unless I obtain
such a conviction of religion, and such an interest in it, as will
make me look death in the face, not only without fear, but with joy;
good it were I had never been born.” But how or ♦where this was to
be obtained I was utterly uncertain. Here I lay in great perplexity,
under the melancholly sense that I had hitherto _spent my money for
that which is not bread, and my labour for that which profiteth not_.
3. This perplexity was somewhat eased one day, while I was reading how
Mr. _Robert Bruce_ was in a doubt, even concerning the being of God,
who yet afterwards came to the fullest satisfaction. I then felt a
secret hope, “That sometime in one way or other, God might thus satisfy
_me_.” Here was the dawning of a light, which though if it was not soon
cleared up, yet was never wholly put out again. A light which though as
yet it was far from satisfying, yet kept me from utter despair.
♦ “were” replaced with “where” per Errata
7. About this time one Mr. _Donaldson_, a reverend old clergyman,
preached at _Perth_, and coming to visit my mother, called for me,
and asked me among other questions, “If I sought a blessing upon my
learning?” I frankly answered, no. He replied, with a severe look,
“Sirrah, unsanctified learning has done much mischief in the church
of God.” This saying left so deep an impression on me ever after, that
whenever I was any way straitened, I applied to God, by prayer for help
in my learning, and pardon for not seeking it before. Yet as to the
main, I was still afar off from God, and an enemy to him both in my
heart and works.
CHAPTER IV.
_Of the increase of his convictions, from_ Autumn 1690,
_till_ May 1693.
1. FOR the better advantage of my education my mother in 1690, removed
with me to _Edinburgh_. I was now again put to school, and in _November
1692_, entered at the college. Here my knowledge of the law of God
daily increased; and therewith my knowledge of sin. I saw more and
more, that he was displeased with me for sins which formerly I had
not observed. The impressions of my mortality were likewise rivetted
in me by new afflictions, and I was more in bondage through the growing
fear of death. Again the scriptures being now daily preached, forced me
to some enquiry into my own sincerity in religion; and I was willing,
provided I might save my bosom-idols, not only to hear, but _to do many
things_.
2. I was now carried far in a form of religion. I prayed not only
morning and evening, but at other times too: I wept much in secret: I
read and meditated, and resolved to live otherwise than I had done. But
this goodness too was as the morning cloud it was force and not nature:
and therefore could not be expected to last any longer than the force
which occasioned it.
3. While I was under this distress many a wretched shift did I betake
myself to for relief. When I read or heard searching things; if any
thing that was said seemed to make for me, I greedily catched hold of
it. When I found somewhat required that I neither did, nor could even
resolve to comply with; I thought to compound and make amends some
other way. Or else I questioned, whether God had required it or no?
Whether he that taught so was not mistaken? And whether I might not be
in a state of salvation, without those marks of it which he assigned.
Again, many times when I would not see, I quarrelled with ministers
or books for not speaking plainly. Always I carefully sought for
the lowest marks, and the least degrees of grace that were saving.
For I designed but so much religion as would take me to heaven, the
very least that would serve the turn. And when none of those shifts
availed, I resolved in general, to do all that God commanded. But I
soon retracted when he tried me in any particulars that were contrary
to my inclinations. And when I saw I must do it, I begged a little
respite: with St. _Austin_, “I was content to be holy, but not yet:”
forgetting that a delay is, in God’s account, a refusal; since all his
commandments require present obedience. After all ways were tried I
blamed my education. I knew religion was a change of heart; but whether
mine had undergone this change was the question: Now, thought I, “If
I had not been educated religiously, but had changed all at once, it
would have been more easily discernable.” Thus was I _entangled in my
own ways, and even seeking wisdom, I found it not_.
4. Although I now seemed to have gone far; yet I was indeed wholly
wrong. For being convinced of the necessity of righteousness, but
ignorant of Christ, _I sought it by the works of the law_. Therefore
_the carnal mind, which was enmity against_ God, still continued in
me: and all my struggles were only a toiling to and fro, between light
and love of sin, wherein sin was still conqueror; for my bosom idols I
could not part with. Beside the small religion I had, was not abiding,
but rose and fell with the above mentioned occasions.
5. About this time _Clark’s Martyrology_ came into my hands. I loved
history and read it greedily. The patience, courage, and joy of the
martyrs convinced me that there was a reality in religion, beyond the
power of nature. I was convinced likewise that I was a stranger to it,
because I could not think of suffering. And withal I felt some faint
desires after it, so at least, as often to join in _Balaam_’s wish,
_Let me die the death of the righteous, and let my last end be like
his_.
6. At this time likewise God restrained me from many follies I was
inclined to, by bodily infirmity. He provided me too with friends who
were very tender of me. He fed me, _though I knew him not_. But so
far was I from being thankful for these mercies, that my proud heart
fretted at them. O what reason have I to say, _The |Lord| is good even
to the evil and unthankful._
CHAPTER V.
_Of the straits he was in, and the course he took for relief,
from May 1693, to August 1696._
1. THE air of _Edinburgh_ agreeing neither with my mother nor me, in
_May 1693_ she removed to St. _Andrews_. And here I came under the
care of Mr. _Taylor_, a wise man, and one very careful of me. Thus
chased as I was from place to place, God every where provided me with
friends. And now by the searching ministry of Mr. _Forrester_, he
began to give me some small discovery of the more spiritual evils of my
soul. He opened to me first the pride of my heart, and the wickedness
and injustice of valuing myself upon those deliverances from my own
weakness, which had been wholly wrought by his own strength. I likewise
saw the impiety of _drawing near to him with my mouth, while my heart
was far from him_: and indeed of trusting to any outward performance,
without the life of all, _faith working by love_.
2. This, added to what I was conscious of before, frequently ♦threw me
into racking perplexity; when finding no peace in my former evasions
I resolved to enter into a solemn covenant with God; and having wrote
and subscribed this, I believed all was right. I found a sort of
present peace; amendment I thought sufficient atonement, and such an
engagement I looked on as a performance. I now likewise often found an
unusual sweetness in hearing the word, and sometimes the most piercing
convictions. And these were indeed _a taste of the good word of_ God,
_and of the powers of the world to come_.
♦ “through” replaced with “threw” per Errata
3. But the merciful God would not let me rest here: the peace I found
by making this covenant, was soon lost by breaking it: at the same time
my heart smote me for my old sins, by which I found former accounts
to be still standing against me, which filled me with confusion and
jealousies of these ways. I perceived too, something of the treachery
of my engagements, and that my heart had not been found therein, but
had secret reserves for some sins, which were then given ♦up inward
only. God also let loose some of my corruptions upon me; which as soon
as his restraint was taken off, were more violent than ever, and bore
down before them all that I had set in their way. By these means he
discovered to me the fruitlesness of my covenant, and threw me afresh
into the utmost confusion: while the evil I thought so effectually
provided against, again came upon me.
♦ “me in one word” replaced with “up inward” per Errata
4. Yet notwithstanding I felt the vanity of these ways, I still
adhered to them. I again trusted my own heart, and hoped to recover
by renewing the peace I lost by breaking my covenant. I laid the blame
on some accidental defect in my former management, and thought, were
that mended, all would be well. When I found something wanting still,
I contrived to make it up with something extraordinary of my own, with
the multiplication of prayers, or of some outward duty or other. But
all these refuges failed, and my life was so throughly miserable while
I was pursuing them, that had not the infinite mercy of God prevented,
one of these effects had surely followed. Either, 1. The convictions
I was under would have ceased, God giving over his striving with
me, and then having attained to a form of godliness, I should have
rested therein and looked no farther. Or, 2. If those convictions had
continued, and I had been left to my own way, I should have _laboured
in the fire all my days, wearying myself with vanity_, in a continual
vicissitude of resolutions and breaches, security and disquietude:
engagements and sins, false peace and racking anxiety, by turns taking
place. Or, 3. When I had wearied myself in vain, I should have utterly
given up religion, and gone over, if not to direct Atheism, at least to
open prophaneness. Or, lastly, Being forced to seek shelter somewhere,
and being so sadly disappointed in all the ways I tried, I had said,
_This evil is of the |Lord|, why wait I any longer_? And so sunk
in final despair. And in fact, I had some experience of all these.
Sometimes I sat down with the bare form. Sometimes I wearied myself
in running from one of these vain courses to another. At other times,
finding no profit, I turned careless, and was on the point of throwing
off all religion. And very often I was driven almost to distraction,
and stood on the very brink of despair.
5. When I had been disappointed again and again, I was in the utmost
perplexity to find where the fault lay. I found this way of covenanting
with God mentioned in scripture, recommended by ministers, and approved
by the experience of all the people of God. I could not tax myself with
guile in doing it: I was resolved to perform the engagement I made.
I made it with much concern and solemnity, and for some time kept it
strictly. But though I could not then see where the failing was, I
have since been enabled to see it clearly. 1. _Being ignorant of the
righteousness of_ God, I was still _establishing a righteousness of
my own_: and though in words I renounced this, yet in fact I sought
righteousness and peace, not in the Lord Jesus, but in my own covenants
and engagements, so that I really put them in Christ’s room: and as
to forgiveness of sins, my real trust was not in his blood, but in
the evenness of my own walk. Therefore, I obtained not righteousness,
_because I still sought it, as it were by the works of the law_. And
it was evident I did so, by this plain sign; whenever I was challenged
for sin, instead of recourse to the blood of Christ, I still sought
peace only in renewing my vows again; the consent I gave to the law,
was not from the reconcilement of my heart to its holiness; but merely
from fear. The enmity against it continued: nor would I have chosen it,
had that force been away. Farther, my eye was not single; provided I
was safe, I had no concern for the glory of God. In a word, I engaged,
before God had thoroughly engaged me. We may be in a sort willing,
before he hath made us truly so. But the first real kindness begins
with him: and we never love till his kindness draws us. Fear may indeed
overpower us into something like it, as it did me. I was willing to
be saved from hell: but not to be saved in God’s way, and in order to
those ends he proposes in our salvation.
6. This was not my only trouble. I was now engaged in metaphysics and
natural divinity; accustomed to subtil notions, and pleased with them;
whence, by the just permission of God, the devil took occasion to cast
me into doubts about the great truths of religion, especially the being
of a God. I not only felt, as formerly, the want of evidence for it,
but various arguments were suggested against it. But though the enmity
of my heart against God was still great, yet he suffered me not to
yield to them. There remained so much evidence of his being, in his
works of creation and providence, as made me recoil at the terrible
conclusion, aimed at by those arguments. And being likewise affected
with deep apprehensions of the shortness and uncertainty of the present
life, I dreaded a supposition that shook the foundations of any hope of
relief, from the other side of time.
7. In this strait between light and darkness, as my disturbance was
from my own reasonings, so from the same I sought my relief. By these
I hoped to obtain establishment in the truth, and give answer to all
objections against it. I therefore seriously set myself to search
for demonstrative arguments: and I found them, but found no relief.
The most forcible of them indeed extorted assent, by the absurdity of
the contrary conclusion: but not giving me any satisfying discoveries
of that God, whose existence they obliged me to own, my mind was
not quieted. Nay, and besides, those arguments not dissolving
contrary objections, whenever the light of them was removed, and those
objections came again in view, I was again exceedingly shaken. I was
like him, who reading Plato _of the immortality of the soul_, said,
“While I read, I assent: but I cannot tell how; so soon as I lay down
the book, all my assent is gone.”
8. I still hoped to attain what I had hitherto failed of, by some
farther progress in learning: but all in vain: the farther I went,
the greater was my disappointment; the more difficulties I continually
met with, and found _he that increaseth knowledge, increaseth sorrow_.
When this would not avail, then I spent my weary hours in vain wishes
for some extraordinary discoveries. _Nay, but if one rose from the
dead, they will believe._ And this, notwithstanding my disappointment
I gained: I was somewhat beat from that towring opinion of my knowledge
and abilities, which my first seeming success in philosophy gave me,
and brought to a diffidence of myself.
9. But still my corruptions took daily root, and increased in strength
by my weak resistance. Yet I had a fair form of religion: I avoided
all those sins that plainly thwarted the light of my conscience. I
abstained from those evils which even the more serious students gave
into; and kept at a distance from the occasions of them. I was more
exact in attending both public and private prayer, and not without some
concern for my inward frame in them. When I was insnared into any sin
or omission of any duty, I was deeply sorrowful. I had a kindness for
all that feared God, and a pleasure in their converse, especially on
religion. I had frequent tastes of the good word of God, which made me
delight in approaching him. I had many returns to prayer; when under a
deep sense of my impotence, I betook me to God in any strait, I was so
remarkably helped, that I could not but observe it. Hereby God drew me
gradually in, to expect every good gift from above, and encouraged the
very faintest beginnings of a look toward a return.
10. But tho’ by these means I got a name to live, yet was I really
dead. For, 1. My natural darkness still remained, tho’ with some small
dawnings of light. 2. The enmity of my mind against the law of God
was yet untaken away. I had not a respect unto all his commands, nor
a sight of the beauty of holiness: neither did my heart approve of the
whole yoke of Christ, as good and desirable; and I complied with it
in part, not from a delight therein, but because I saw I was undone
without it. 3. I yet _sought righteousness as it were by the works of
the law_; I was wholly legal in all I did: not seeing the necessity,
the security, the glory of the gospel-method of salvation, by seeking
righteousness and strength in the Lord Christ alone. Lastly, my sole
aim was to save myself, without any regard to the glory of God, or
any enquiry how it could consist with it to save one who had so deeply
offended. In a word, all my religion was servile, constrained, and
anti-evangelical.
11. From the foregoing passages I cannot but observe, 1. What a depth
of deceitfulness there is in the heart of man. How many shifts did
mine use to elude the design of all those strivings of the Spirit of
the Lord with me? I have told many, but the one half is not told. And
all these respect but one point in religion. If a single man were to
recount but the more remarkable deceits, with respect to the whole of
his behaviour, how many volumes must he write? And if so many be seen,
how many secret, undiscernable, or at least undiscerned deceits must
still remain! So much truth is there couched in that short scripture,
_The heart is deceitful above all things: who can know it?_
*I observe, 2. How far we may go toward religion, and yet come short
of it. I had and did many things: I heard the scriptures gladly:――I
was _almost persuaded to be a Christian_: I had _escaped the_ outward
_pollutions that are in the world_: yea, I seemed _enlightened, and a
partaker of the heavenly gift_; having many times _tasted the good word
of_ God, _and the powers of the world to come_. I had undergone many
changes; but not the great change: I was not born of God: I was not
begotten anew, and made a child of God through a living faith in Christ
Jesus.
Again, I cannot but look back with wonder at the astonishing patience
of God, which suffered my manners so long, and the steadiness he shewed
in pursuing his work, notwithstanding all my provocations. All the
creation could not have afforded so much forbearance: the disciples of
Christ would have called for fire from heaven: yea, _Moses_ would have
found more here to irritate him than at _Meribah_. Glory be to God,
that we have to do with him, and not with man. His ways are not as our
ways, nor his thoughts as our thoughts: but as the heavens are high
above the earth, so are his ways and thoughts of mercy above ours.
*_Fourthly_, I must bear witness to the reasonableness of God’s way. It
did not destroy my faculties, but improve them. He enlightened my eyes
to see what he would have me to do, and did not force but gradually
persuade me to comply with it. This was not to compel, but gently bend
the will, to the things that were really fit for it to incline to:
nor did he ever oblige me to part with any sin, till he had let me see
it was against my interest as well as duty: and the smallest piece of
compliance with his will, wanted not even a present reward.
_Lastly_, Though this work was agreeable to reason, yet it was far
above the power of nature. I cannot ascribe either its rise or progress
to myself; for it was what I sought not, I thought not of; nay I hated,
and feared and avoided, and shunned and opposed it with all my might.
I cannot ascribe it to any outward means. There are many parts of it
which they did not reach: and as to the rest, the most forcible failed;
the weakest wrought the effect. Neither strong, nor weak had the same
effect always. But the work was still carried on, by a secret and
undiscernable power, like the wind, blowing where it listeth. It bore
the impress of God in all its steps. The word that awakened me, was the
voice of _him who maketh the dead to hear, and calleth the things which
are not, as though they were_. The light that shone was, _the candle
of the_ Lord, tracing an unsearchable heart through all its windings.
It was all the work of one who is every where, who knoweth every thing,
and who will not faint or be discouraged, till he hath brought forth
judgment unto victory. And it was all an uniform work, though variously
carried on, through many interruptions, over many oppositions, for
a long tract of time, by means seemingly weak, improper, contrary,
suitable only for him whose paths are in the great waters, and whose
footsteps are not known. In a word, it was a bush burning and not
consumed, only by the presence of God. It was as a spark in the midst
of the ocean, still kept alive, notwithstanding floods continually
poured upon it. This was the Lord’s doing, and it is marvellous in our
eyes.
PART II.
CHAPTER I.
_Of the progress of his convictions and temptations._
1. I HAD now a design to go abroad: but on the advice of some friends,
I laid aside that design, and engaged as chaplain to a family.
Accordingly in _August 1696_, I went to the _Wemyss_. When I came
hither, a stranger among persons of considerable quality, I was in a
great strait, and cried to God for help. And though it was my own, more
than his honour, I was concerned for, yet he, who would not overlook
even _Ahab_’s humiliation, did not fail to assist me, so far as to
maintain the respect due to the station I was in.
2. I had not been here long, when I was often engaged (and frequently,
without necessity) in debates about the divinity of the scriptures,
and the most important doctrines therein. This drew me to read the
writings of Deists, that I might know the strength of the enemy. But
I soon perceived, that these foolish questions and contentions were
unprofitable and vain. For evil men and seducers will wax worse and
worse, deceiving and being deceived. And to my sad experience I found,
that their word doth eat as doth a gangrene: so that happy is he who
stops his ears against it!
3. The reading these was of dangerous consequence to one who was not
rooted and grounded in the truth. Their objections I found struck at
the foundations; they were many, new, and set off to the best advantage
by the cunning craftiness of men practised in deceit. Nor was I
acquainted with that vigilance and humble sobriety that were necessary
for my defence against them. The adversary finding all things thus
prepared, set furiously upon me. He wrought up first the natural
atheism, darkness and enmity of my own heart, blasphemously to ask
concerning the great truths of religion, “How can these things be?”
To increase these doubts he employed some who had all the advantages
of nature and education, persons smooth, sober, of generous tempers,
and good understandings, to oppose the truth with the most plausible
appearances of argument and reason. To all this he added his own subtil
suggestions, “Hath God indeed said so?” And sometimes he threw in fiery
darts, to enflame and disorder me; especially, when I was alone, or
most seriously employed in prayer or meditation.
4. By all these ways he assaulted me, both as to the being of God,
as to his providence, and as to the truth both of his revelation
in general, and of many particulars contained in it. Sometimes he
suggested the want of sufficient evidence; at other times, that it was
obscure or hard. Yea, some parts of it were accused as plain blasphemy:
some as contradictory to each other. The great mystery of the gospel
was particularly set upon and represented as foolishness: and for fear
of some or other of those suggestions, it was even a terror to me, to
look into the bible.
5. The subtle enemy, who had so often before tempted me to pride,
now pressed me to a bastard sort of humility. “How can such an one as
you expect to remove difficulties, which so many abler men have sunk
under?” By this I was brought into grievous perplexity. I sought relief
from my own reasonings, from books, and even from prayer, but I found
it not. Then I wished for some extraordinary revelation; and at last
sat down with the sluggard, _folding my hands, and eating my own flesh_.
My own reasonings availed not against him, _who esteems iron as straw,
and brass as rotten wood_. All my books overlooked many of my scruples,
and did not satisfy me as to the rest. And as to extraordinary
expectations, God justly rejected them, seeing I would not hear Moses
and the prophets. So that I had quite sunk under the weight of my
trouble, and been swallowed up of sorrow and despair, had it not
been for some little assistances which the goodness of God gave me,
sometimes one way, sometimes another. When I was urged to reject the
scriptures, it was often seasonably suggested, _To whom shall I go?
These are the words of eternal life._ God powerfully convinced me, and
kept the conviction strong upon my mind, that whenever I parted with
revelation, I must give up all prospect of certainty or satisfaction
about eternal life. The boasted demonstrations of a future happiness,
built only on the light of nature, I had tried long ago, and found
to be altogether weak and inconclusive; though had they been ever
so conclusive, I had been not a whit the nearer satisfaction. For,
to tell me of such a state, without an account of its nature, or
the terms whereon it was attainable, was all one as if nothing had
been said about it, and left my mind in equal confusion. Again, on
a due observation of those who were truly religious, I could not but
even then think them the better part of mankind; and my soul started
at charging all the best of mankind with a lie in a thing of the
greatest importance. On the other hand, God opened my eyes to see the
unaccountable folly of those who had abandoned revealed religion. The
scripture tells them plainly, they must do his will, if they would know
whether the doctrine be of God. But they walk in a direct contradiction
to his will; how then can they know of the doctrine? Nay, some sober,
learned, and otherwise inquisitive persons, owned, that we are already
miserable, if we are either cut off from the hopes of, or left at
uncertainty about a future state of happiness. They owned likewise
themselves to be thus uncertain, and yet were at little or no pains to
be satisfied; yea, I found they rather sought for what might strengthen
their doubts than remove them; which plainly shewed a hatred of the
light.
6. I received further help from considering the lives, but more
especially the deaths of the martyrs. When I considered the number, the
quality, and all the circumstances of those who had been _tortured, not
accepting deliverance_, I could not but own the finger of God, and the
reality of religion. The known instances of its power over children in
their tender years, appeared likewise of great weight; and I began to
get frequent touches of conviction, whereby feeling the piercing virtue
of his word, making manifest the secrets of my heart, I was forced to
own God to be in it of a truth. Lastly, I found a secret hope begot
and cherished I know not how, sometimes even amidst the violence of
temptations, that as God had delivered others from temptations like
mine, (though I doubted, if ever any had been so much molested as I) so
he would deliver me at length; that what I knew not now, I should know
hereafter: that my mouth should yet be filled with his praise: and that
Satan’s rage shewed his time was but short.
7. Hereby I was enabled, not only to persevere, and with more
earnestness, both in public and private duties, but also carefully
to conceal all my straits from others, who might have stumbled at, or
been hardened by them. I was unwilling others should know any thing
that might disgust them at religion; _Tell it not in_ Gath, _lest the
daughters of the uncircumcised triumph_. *In converse with such as were
shaken, I still stood for the truth, as if I had been under no doubt
about it. And I must own, that while I did so, God often gave me both
success with others, and satisfaction in my own mind. How good a master
is God! A word spoken for him is not lost: nor will he suffer the least
service to be in vain. A Heathen Cyrus, yea Nebuchadnezzar himself,
shall not work without his reward.
8. Before I proceed, I must observe the folly of reasoning with Satan;
whenever I did so, he had still great advantage: he easily evaded all
my arguments, and enforced his own suggestions: and even when they were
not maintained by argument, he injected them so strongly, that I was
not able to stand against them: our safest course is to hold him at a
distance, and avoid all communion with him. *I must observe likewise,
the wise providence of God, that the greatest difficulties against
religion are hid from Atheists. None of the objections they make are
near so subtle as those which were often suggested to me. Indeed they
do not view religion near enough, to see either the difficulties, or
the advantages that attend it. And the devil finding them quiet, keeps
them so, not using force, where he can do his work without it. Besides,
God, in his infinite wisdom, permits, not all these subtleties of hell
to be published, in tenderness to the faith of the weak, which could
not bear so severe an assault.
9. I lay under many inconveniences all this while. Most of the converse
I had was with unholy men. I had no friend to whom I could impart my
griefs with freedom, or any prospect of satisfaction. And the entire
concealing my concern made it fasten more and more, and drink up
my blood and spirits. I laid aside my studies; I could not pursue
either business or diversion: I had no heart to any thing; I could
not read, unless now and then a small portion of scripture, or some
other practical book (except when, for a short space, there was an
intermission of my trouble.) For near a year and a half I read scarce
any thing; and this slothful posture laid me open to fresh temptations,
and made my corruptions grow stronger still.
10. Yet even now, God minding his own work, by the means of his word,
brought the law, in its spiritual meaning, nearer. And then I found
more discernibly the stirrings of sin, which taking occasion from the
commandment, and being fretted at the light let into my soul, wrought
in me all manner of concupiscence. Hereby I was plunged into deeper
guilt; _My iniquities went over my head_; and my conscience was so
alarmed, _that I found no rest in my bones by reason of my sin_.
11. I still laboured for rest, either by extenuating my faults,
pleading the strength of temptation, (sometimes not without secret
reflections upon God) or by trying to persuade myself they were no
faults at all. When all these failed, I made new vows and resolutions;
and _November 23, 1697_, (a day I had set apart for fasting and prayer)
I drew up a short account of my treacherous dealing with God from my
youth up, and solemnly bound myself to him for the time to come.
12. But tho’ by this means I was kept from open pollutions; tho’ I was
careful of outward duties; received the word with joy; watched against
pride of heart, unbelief, and other spiritual evils; though I fasted,
prayed, mourned, and was much in secret; yea, strove against all sins,
even those I loved best; yet all this was only a form of religion,
the power of which I was still a stranger to. I was a stranger to
that blessed relief of sinners, faith imputed for righteousness.
Though I professed to believe it, I was really in the dark, as to its
glorious efficacy, tendency and design. Still my eye was not single;
I regarded only myself, and not the glory of God. It was still by some
righteousness of my own, in whole or in part, that I sought relief.
Though I did part with my beloved sins, yet it was neither without
reluctance, nor without some secret reserve. Lastly, My heart was
utterly averse from all spiritual religion: and if I sometimes aimed
at fixing my mind on heavenly things; yet it was soon weary of this
forcible bent, and it seemed intolerable to think of being always
spiritual.
13. I was now reduced to the last extremity. My sins were set in order
before me, and had taken such hold upon me, that I was not able to
look up. They were set in order in the dreadfulness of their nature and
aggravations; my excuses baffled, and _my mouth stopped before_ God.
All the ways I had taken for my relief had deceived me; they were the
staff of a broken reed; they pierced my arm when I essayed to lean upon
them; and _I was ashamed, and even confounded, that I had hoped_. The
wrath of God was likewise dropped into my soul, and _the poison of his
arrows drunk up my spirits_. Add to this, that I was still unsatisfied
about religion, and my enemies often told me, that even in God there
was no succour for me. Yea, sometimes Satan, to entangle me the more,
assaulted all the truths of religion at once; and then I was utterly
confounded, when the Lord commanded that my enemies should close me in
on every side.
14. By the extremity of this anguish, I was for some time, about the
end of ninety-seven, and the beginning of ninety-eight, dreadfully cast
down. I was weary of my life. Oft did I use _Job_’s words, _I loath it,
I would not live alway_. And yet I was afraid to die. I had no rest;
_My sore ran in the day, and in the night time it ceased not_. At night
I wished for day, and in the day I wished for night. I said, _My couch
shall comfort me; but then darkness was as the shadow of death_. I was
often on the brink of despair. _He filled me with bitterness, he made
me drunk with wormwood. He removed my soul far from peace: I forgat
prosperity. I said my hope and my strength are perished from the Lord._
I wondered that I was not consumed; and though I dreaded destruction
from the Almighty, yet I must have justified him if he had destroyed
me. Thus I walked about dejected, weary and heavy laden: weary of my
disease, and weary of my vain remedies; and utterly uncertain what to
do next, or what course to take.
CHAPTER II.
_Of his deliverance from these temptations._
*IT was in this extremity God stepped in; he found me wallowing in
my blood, in a helpless and hopeless condition. I was quite overcome,
neither able to fight nor fly, when the Lord passed by me, and made
this time a time of love. Towards the beginning of _February 1698_,
this seasonable relief came. I was then, as I remember, at secret
prayer, when he discovered himself to me, when he let me see, that
there are _forgivenesses with him, and mercy, and plenteous redemption.
He made all his goodness to pass, and he proclaimed his name, the Lord,
the Lord God, merciful and gracious, long-suffering, and abundant in
goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity,
transgression and sin; who will be gracious to whom he will be gracious,
and will shew mercy to whom he will shew mercy._ This was a strange
sight to one who before looked on God only as a consuming fire, which I
could not see and live. He brought me from _Sinai_, and its thundrings,
to mount _Sion_, and to _the blood which speaketh better things than
that of Abel_. I now with wonder beheld Christ in his glory, _full
of grace and truth_. I saw that he, who had before rejected all my
offerings, was well pleased in the Beloved, being fully satisfied,
not only that there is forgiveness of sins, through the redemption
which is in Jesus; but also, that God by this means might be _just_
in _justifying_ even _the ungodly that believe in him_. How was I
ravished with delight, to see that such mercy might consist even with
his inflexible justice and spotless purity? And yet more, when he let
me see, that to me, even to me, was the word of this salvation sent;
that even I was invited to _come_, and _take the water of life freely_!
Farther, he discovered to me his design in the whole, even _that no
flesh might glory in his sight_: that he might manifest the riches of
his grace, and _be exalted in shewing mercy_. And when this strange
discovery was made, of a relief which made full provision both for
God’s glory and my salvation, my soul was sweetly carried out to rest
in it, as worthy of God, and every way suited to my necessity.
2. All these discoveries were conveyed to me by his word: not indeed
by one particular passage, but by the concurring light of many of its
testimonies and promises, seasonably set home, and plainly expressing
those truths; thus I found it to be the power of God unto salvation.
But neither was it his word alone; for the same passages I had read
before, and thought upon, without any relief; but now the Lord shined
into my mind by them. Before this I knew the letter only, but now the
words were spirit and life; a burning light by them shone into my mind,
and gave me not merely some notional knowledge, but an experimental
_knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ_. *And
vastly different this was from all the notions I had before of the
same truths. It shone from heaven: it was not a spark kindled by my
own endeavours, but it shone suddenly about me: it came by a heavenly
means, the word; it opened heaven, and discovered heavenly things; and
its whole tendency was heavenward. It was a true light, giving true
manifestations of the one God, and the one Mediator between God and
man, and a true view of my state with respect to God, not according
to my foolish imaginations. It was a distinct and clear light, not
only representing spiritual things, but manifesting them in their
glory, and in their comely order. It set all things in their due line
of subordination to God, and gave distinct views of their genuine
tendency. It was a satisfying light; the soul absolutely rested upon
the discoveries it made: it was assured of them; it could not doubt
if it saw, or if the things were so as it represented them. It was a
quickening, refreshing, healing light. It arose with healing in its
wings. It was a powerful light; it dissipated that thick darkness
which overspread my mind, and made all those frightful temptations,
that before tormented me, instantly flee before it. Lastly, It was a
composing light; it did not, like a flash of lightning, fill the soul
with fear and amazement; but it quieted my mind, and gave me the full
and free use of all my faculties. I need not give a large account of
this light, for no words can give a notion of light to the blind; and
he that has eyes, (at least, while he sees it) will need no words to
describe it. Proceed we, then, to its fruits, whereby the difference
of it from all my former light will most evidently appear.
3. The first effect of it was an approbation of God’s way of saving
sinners by Jesus Christ; as a way of relief in all respects suitable to
the needs of a poor, guilty, self-condemned, self-destroyed sinner, who
is at length beat from all other reliefs, and hath his mouth entirely
stopped before God. In this I rested as a way full of peace and comfort,
and providing abundantly for all those ends I desired to have secured.
And this approbation discovered itself ever after in all temptations,
by keeping up in me a settled persuasion, that _God hath given to us
eternal life, and this life is in his Son_. And when afterwards I was
under temptations, it still kept me firm in an absolute determination
utterly to reject all other ways of relief, whether I found present
comfort in this or no. This was also my only sanctuary against guilt;
_let me be found in him, not having mine own righteousness_. And
whenever God gave me a fresh beam of this light, all difficulties
vanish’d away; then I rejoiced in Christ Jesus, and nothing was able
to disturb me while it lasted; and ever after I was then only pleased,
when I found my soul, in some measure, moulded into a compliance with
the design of the gospel, emptied of myself, subjected to God, and
careful to have him alone exalted.
4. A second effect of this discovery was, my eye began to be single,
looking in all things, to the glory of God. I now desired that he
alone, (which before I had no real concern for) might be glorified
in my life, or by my death. I saw that shame and confusion belonged
to me and to him only the whole glory of my salvation. I watched over
the most secret ♦actings of pride, labouring to renounce it utterly,
looking on it as my grand enemy, on which I was always to have an eye,
and counting the power it still had, my greatest affliction. I never
found comfort, but when this idol was discernably abased; and when ever
this light shone in proportion to its clearness and continuance, the
power of this was weakened in my soul, and I sought not myself but
Christ Jesus.
♦ “actions” replaced with “actings” per Errata
5. A third effect of this light was with respect to his commandments,
which I now saw were _not grievous, but right concerning all things_. I
own’d his yoke to be easy, and his burden light. Amidst all temptations
I knew the law was holy, just and good; I perceived too, that it was
exceeding broad, extending even to the lightest motion of the heart.
The duties I was most averse from before were now easy, pleasant, and
refreshing. I saw a peculiar beauty in those laws in particular that
crossed the sins which had the firmest rooting in my temper. None were
so hateful to me; for none did I loathe myself so much; none was I so
glad of a victory over. My mind was continually engaged in contrivances
for their ruin, which formerly, I still sought to spare. And would God
have given me my choice, to have the laws against them blotted out,
he knows I should not have chose it, and that I should have thought his
law less pleasant and less perfect, had these prohibitions been wanting.
I took pleasure in others only so far as there appeared in them any
thing of an humble, self-denying conformity to his law, and had a
fix’d dislike of the least inconformity thereto, either in myself or
others. In a word I saw, that if I could reach holiness I should have
pleasure, and peace, and liberty; that all wisdom’s ways, were ways of
pleasantness; nor was any thing insupportable to me, but that remaining
unsubdued corruption that would not stoop to put its neck under her
yoke.
*6. A fourth effect of it was a right sorrow for sin, flowing from a
deep sense of my ingratitude, to provoke such a God, who had prevented
and still followed me with so much mercy. And this sorrow filled my
heart with love to God, and his way, sweetened my soul, and endeared
God to it. And the more God manifested his kindness, the more it
increased; when he was pacified, I was ashamed and confounded; nor was
it a burdensome, but a sweet and pleasant sorrow, as being the exercise
of filial gratitude. This sense of my unkindness, when kept within,
covered me with blushes; and I was eased, when God allowed me to vent
my sense of it, and to pour it, as it were into his bosom. It was
likewise a spring of activity in the way of duty. I was glad to be
employed in the meanest work, which might shew how deeply sensible I
was of my former disobedience. It was not as my late sorrow, pregnant
with pride, stiffness and unwillingness to suffer any chastisement;
but it humbled, softened the soul, and made it willing to _bear the
indignation of the Lord, since I had sinn’d against him_. In a word, I
was glad when God gave me my measure of it, and grieved when I found it
wanting, and I cried to the Prince exalted for it, as a necessary help
to the obeying his whole law.
7. A fifth effect of this light, was a comfortable hope of salvation,
rising in strength, or growing more weak, as the discoveries of the
way of salvation, were more or less clear and strong. I knew I could
not fail of salvation, otherwise than by missing this way. Sometimes I
doubted of myself, but not of the way; so far as I walked in it, I was
sweetly satisfied that my expectation should not be cut off. And as
this light shewed salvation in a way of self-denial, and trust only in
the Lord, nothing so shook this hope, as the least stirring of pride.
As this sight of the glory of the Lord always filled me with shame, so
the deeper my humiliation the stronger was my confidence. And so far
was this assurance from begetting negligence, that it could not consist
with it. To intermit or neglect duty, razed the foundation, or at least,
laid an insurmountable stop in the way of its progress.
8. Many other effects there were, too long to repeat at large. I felt
a new and formerly unknown, love to all who seemed to have any thing
of the image of God, though known only by report; and this evidenced
itself in prayer for them, and sympathy with them in their afflictions.
Again, I found my care of all God’s concerns enlarged, and I desired
more and more, that he might be exalted upon earth. I was grieved at
any loss his interest sustained, and zealous for his glory. To conclude,
I found this light sweetly drawing me to a willing, chearful endeavour
after holiness in all manner of conversation. Thus were all things in
some measure become new; and I who a little before, with the goaler,
had fallen down trembling, was now raised, and set down to feast with
the disciples of the Lord, rejoicing and believing.
PART III.
CHAPTER I.
_Of the pleasure of this state; the mistakes attending it,
and the way of their discovery._
1. THIS glorious discovery was very surprising: oft I stood and
wonder’d what this strange sight meant. The greatness of the things
God ♦had done surpassed belief; and yet the effects would not suffer
me to doubt of them. Not that I distinctly observed them at the very
first; the glory of the Lord was then so great, that for a time I fixed
my eyes on that, and was less intent on the change which it wrought
in me. Again, I was the less exact in observing them then, because of
the darkness still remaining in me. I clearly saw the mystery of free
justification through Christ, and peace by his blood: but I was still
sadly ignorant of many of the most important things relating even to
that mystery: as the daily application of that atonement, and the use
of Christ with respect to sanctification, What therefore God did at
this time I knew not now, but hereafter, when the Comforter had further
instructed me in the gospel, as my exigencies required: then, at length,
I saw distinctly the work of God, and what he had done for me.
♦ “hath” replaced with “had” per Errata
2. This discovery could not but be full of ravishing sweetness,
considering the state wherein it found me. I was condemned by God and
my own conscience, and under pressing fears of a present execution of
the sentence. When the labours of the day required that I should sleep,
and my body wasted with the disquiet of my mind, yet I was afraid to
close my eyes lest I should wake in hell, and durst not suffer myself
to sleep, till I was beguiled into it I knew not how. Was it strange,
that the hopes of pardon were sweet to one in such a condition, whereby
I laid down in safety and quiet rest, while there was none to make me
afraid? A little before, the _waters compassed me about, even to the
soul! the deep closed me round about, I went down to the bottoms of
the mountains, and said, I am cast out of_ God’s _sight_. Now, was
it any wonder that such an one should rejoice, when brought into a
garden of delights and set down under the refreshing rays of the sun
of righteousness? And the things he discovered to me here were not only
altogether new and such as I was utterly unacquainted with before; but
also glorious in themselves. It was the glory of the Lord that shone
round about me; and I saw such _things as eye hath not seen, beside
thee, O_ God. In a word, what I saw was (what the angels desire to look
into) _the mystery of godliness_, the wonders of God’s law, and the
_unsearchable riches of his mercy_.
3. This discovery was of longer continuance, and far brighter than any
I have had since: it shone in its glory for ten days; nor was it quite
gone for a long time after; and while it lasted, new discoveries were
daily made. God carried me from one thing to another, and in this short
space taught me more than I had learned by all my study in my whole
life. Yea, he taught me the things I had learned before, in another,
and quite different manner. Every day he instructed me out of the
scriptures, walking and talking with me by the way, and opening them to
me, which before was as a sealed book, wherein whatever I read was dark.
Indeed all this time my mind was almost wholly taken up about spiritual
things; and whatever occur’d in reading, meditation, converse, or daily
observation, it (like a mold) cast into its own shape. All this while
I was carried out to extraordinary diligence in duty. It was not as
formerly, a burthen; but my heart was enlarged, so that I ran in the
ways of God’s ordinances and commandments. And herein my soul often
made me like _the chariots of Aminadab_, not easily to be stopped;
sometimes to the disgust of these who did not taste the same ravishing
sweetness which I enjoyed. But the life of all was, that God, by
keeping his glory continually in my eye, kept me humble and self-denied
all this while: seeing him I loathed myself. Beholding his glory I was
_in my own eyes as a grashopper, as nothing, less than nothing, and
vanity. I gloried only in the_ Lord, _rejoiced in_ Christ Jesus, _and
had no confidence in the flesh_.
4. God had many gracious designs in this. I was sore broken and wounded,
and he did this in tenderness; he bound up my wounds, he poured in
oil, he made me a bed in my sickness. He watched me, and kept me from
disturbance, till I was somewhat strengthened. I had been plunged
into grievous and hard thoughts of him, as if he has forgotten to
be gracious. Nor was I easily induced to believe good tidings; yea,
though it was told me, I could not believe, till I had a clear sight
of the waggons and provisions, and then my spirit revived. God in deep
condescension, satisfied me that he was real, and had no pleasure in my
death; and that the wound was not incurable, that it was not the wound
of an enemy, or the stroke of a cruel one, but the wound of a friend in
order to healing. He was now to make me sell all for that goodly pearl;
and that I might be satisfied with my purchase, he let me see both
what I was to leave, and what I was to obtain. Again, he knew what a
wilderness I was to go through, and therefore fed me before I entered
into it. Lastly, He designed to give me something which might be a stay
in all succeeding trials. And often since, when my soul has been in
heaviness, have I been cheared by the remembrance of it.
5. But, alas! I understood not this: I fancied this world would last
always; I talked of building tabernacles here, and knew not I was to
come down from the mount, and that my Lord would depart from me again.
I dreamed not of learning, or having occasion for war any more; I
expected no more to fight with my corruptions, but thought the enemies,
which appeared not were dead, and that the “_Egyptians_ were all
drowned in the sea.” Accordingly I projected to tie myself up to such
a bent, and to stint myself to such a method of living, as neither our
circumstances and temptations, nor our duty in this world allows of.
I could not endure to read those books which were really necessary to
be read, and all the time I spent in them seemed lost. Yea, I began to
grudge the time which my body absolutely required for sleep or other
refreshments. Thus the devil secretly drove from one extreme to the
other, knowing well, that I should not rest here, and that he could
easily throw me back from this into the first, of assuming too great
a latitude. I began likewise to reckon this enlargement of heart as my
due, and as more mine own than it really was. And I looked on the stock
I already had as sufficient to carry me through all my difficulties;
and saw not, that the grace, which was sufficient for me, was yet in
the Lord’s hand.
6. But now God began to undeceive me; he gave me a thorn in the flesh
to humble me, and a messenger of Satan was sent to buffet me, who soon
made me feel the fury of his temptations. Hereupon I fell into deep
perplexity; I began to question the truth of former manifestations, to
doubt of my own perseverance; yea, sometimes to quarrel secretly with
God, as if he had beguiled me. I tried many ways, to escape; I thought
upon God; I complained to him; I sought for the causes of my affliction;
_I essay’d to shake myself, and to go forth_ to duty _as before_; but
alas! the Lord was departed from me; and the enemy, _which lay in my
bosom_, had _discovered my secret, and shorn me of my strength_.
7. Yet I could not but see, when I recovered myself a little, after
the violence of my conflict, that things were better with me now at
my worst case, than formerly at my best. God frequently shewed me
something of his power and glory; he open’d a scripture, and made my
heart burn within me, or unfolded my case, and told me all that was in
my heart; or let me see my desire upon my enemies. Sometimes he gave
me access unto him, and made me come even to his seat, and pour out
my heart before him. And when at the lowest, I was otherwise affected
to Christ than before; my soul still longed after him; I essay’d to
stretch out the withered hand, and wished for the command that would
impower me to lay hold of him. I refused to go any where else, but
resolved to wait on him, and to trust in him, even though he should
slay me. And as to his law, though I could not run in it, my will was
still toward it; I had no quarrel to it, but to myself; I breathed
after conformity with it; I delighted therein after the inward man.
And as to sin, though I was sometimes driven to it, this was just such
a forced consent as before I gave to the law. Though it prevailed, my
heart was not with it as before; I found another sort of opposition
to it; and if ever it gained a victory, I was the more enraged against
it. Lastly, This coldness was now a preternatural state: I cried daily,
_When wilt thou receive me_? I loathed myself for it; I could not rest
in it; I wearied myself with essaying to break my prison: I looked back
to former seasons, and said, _O that it were with me as in months past_!
CHAPTER II.
_Of his fresh strugglings with sin; its victories; and the
cause of them, and God’s goodness with respect to this trial._
1. FINDING my enemies had gained great advantage over me, by the
security into which I was fallen, though I was unwilling to fight, yet
upon their appearance I tried what weapons would be most successful. I
objected to them, that now I was engaged to the Lord; I reasoned with
them: I prayed against them. Nor could I then see, whence it was that
they prevailed: but God hath since shewn me several reasons of it. I
laid too much stress on the grace I had already received; I was not
sufficiently watchful: the enemy put me on vain work; where the sin
lay not in the thing itself, but in the degree of it, there he set me
upon renouncing it in the gross, and rooting out what was in itself
lawful. Of this I had many instances with respect to my passions, and
worldly employments, and converse with sinful people. I still neglected
some means of God’s appointment, under pretence of difficulties and
inconveniences, and so prevented his blessing upon the rest. I was
sometimes not single in my aims: I wanted a victory which would ease
me of the trouble of watchfulness, I was weary of a fighting life, and
desired to conquer, that I might be at rest. Lastly, when I was not
quickly heard, I did not persevere in prayer, for _grace to help in
time of need_.
2. Yet was God even then exceeding merciful to me: he kept me from
giving quite over: when I had many times gone furthest into temptations,
yet he came in with seasonable help; and frequently, when I was hard
prest, he so cleared up to me my own sincerity, as emboldened me to
appeal to him, which left me at liberty, under this new encouragement,
vigorously to oppose all my enemies.
3. And God has since let me see, what gracious designs he carried on by
these trials. Hereby he taught me, that all Christians must be soldiers;
that our security as to future temptations does not lie in grace
already received, but in having our way open to the throne of grace;
that God deals it out in the proper seasons, whereof he alone is able
to judge;¹ that the covenant of grace doth not promise entire freedom
from sins of infirmity, nor even from wilful sins, otherwise than in
the constant, as well as careful use, of all the means which he hath
appointed. Hereby too he let me see, how displeased he was for my
cleaving to sin so long. The sins that now frequently cast me down were
those I sought to spare before. God cried often to me, to part with
them, and I would not hear; and now God would not hear when I cried
against them. Hereby also he discovered the riches of that forgiveness
that is with him, that it reaches sins of all sorts, multiplied
relapses not excepted. He that requires us to forgive seventy times
seven, will not do less himself. And finally, he fitted me hereby to
compassionate, and to comfort others also who were tempted.
¹ See the preface.
4. During all this time, besides sins of infirmity, my corruptions
did sometimes bear me down to relapses, both into omissions of duties,
and commission of known sins. And these being sins against light,
love, and all sorts of engagements, lay heavy upon my conscience. I
was much perplexed about them, my bones were broken, my spirit wounded
exceedingly.
5. At some times, indeed, I was for a while _hardened by the
deceitfulness of sin_, and senseless; at other times my heart
instantly smote me, and I was immediately after my fall stirred up
to the exercise of repentance. But sooner or later God set my sins in
order before me, either by some outward or inward affliction (often so
remarkably chosen, that the sin was wrote upon the punishment) or by
his word, or his holy Spirit in his ordinances, which told me all that
I had done.
6. Then was my soul troubled with fear and shame, and a sense of his
anger, by which Satan often sought to drive me to despair. But God
graciously brake the force of this temptation, sometimes by distant
discoveries of forgiveness; sometimes by reminding me of his former
kindness, or shewing me the fatal issue of casting away my confidence.
*And when the temptation was most violently urged, I thought it no time
to dispute, but allowed the worst the tempter could suggest, and then
laid my case, in all its aggravations, to the extensive promises of
the covenant. “Be it granted, said I, that I am but an hypocrite: that
I never obtained pardon: that I am the chief of sinners; that my sins
have such aggravations as the sins of no other man ever had;” yet _the
blood of_ Christ _cleanseth from all sin_, and he came to save the
chief of sinners.
*7. When I had got thus far, I got up again as I could, and sought him
in all the duties of his appointment. Nor was it long (if I humbly and
patiently continued in this way) before I found him, as at the first.
He set my sin, in all its aggravations, before me; he led me up to
original sin, the source of all: he cut off all excuses, and left me
self-convicted, owning that any punishment on this side hell would
be mercy. Then he stepped in, and made a gracious discovery of _the
fountain opened for sin, and for uncleanness_. He drew my soul to close
with, and with trembling to lay stress upon it. Having by this look
drawn my eyes to look at him again, while I looked, my soul melted
into tears; my heart, before bound up, was loosed; and my lips, before
closed, were opened. While he thus answered me, and I could scarce
believe the news, _he created peace by the fruit of his lips_, and as
it were forced it upon my soul, and _shed abroad his love in my heart_.
8. Before I conclude this head, I must observe, 1. That sometimes this
work was wrought gradually; sometimes all at once, and in a moment.
2. Sometimes I sought peace long before I obtained it; sometimes God
surprized me immediately upon my sin, before I had thought in the least
what I had done, and gave me such a look as made me weep bitterly.
And when it was thus, it pierced through my soul, filling me with the
deepest loathing of my ♦sin, and the highest wonder at the riches,
freedom, and astonishing sovereignty of his grace.
♦ “soul” replaced with “sin” per Errata
9. There was a great difference as to the continuance of these
impressions, and likewise as to the degrees of them. At some times,
my convictions and humiliations were deeper, and my faith and hope far
clearer than at others. But amidst all these accidental differences,
the substance of the work was always the same. I would observe, lastly,
That the most terrible enemies are not the most dangerous. While I
was attacked by plain sins, I was easily convinced and alarmed at
them, which was attended with all these happy effects; whereas I have
been since assaulted by less discernible evils, sins under the mask
of duties; and these secretly devour the strength, and are ♦with
difficulty discovered in their exceeding sinfulness.
♦ inserted word “with” per Errata
*I must not pass over without notice, that when I first felt
forgiveness of sins, I was much exercised with, and troubled for, sins
of infirmity and daily incursion: of this I shall give a more distinct
account. 1. When God manifested himself, his enemies fled before him:
they received a stunning stroke, and vanished away at the brightness
of his appearing. He, for a time bore down corruption, chained up
Satan, and kept me from any, the least disturbance from them. 2. It
was some time before my stronger enemies appeared again; presumptuous
sins did not soon approach me; I first found the remaining power of
sin only by the invasion of sins of daily infirmity, particularly
deadness in prayer. 3. Hereupon I began to be much discouraged,
neither understanding my present state, nor the provision made for the
case in the covenant of grace, by a daily application of the blood of
♦atonement. 4. When my fond expectation was disappointed, I at first
essayed to humble myself distinctly for each of these transgressions.
But finding my whole time would not suffice for this, I was obliged to
go with them all at once, and plunge into the fountain opened for sin,
and for uncleanness. I took a view of myself defiled by innumerable
evils, and under a sense of them cast myself on the glorious atonement,
and relied for the cleansing me from them all on that blood which
cleanseth from all sin. 5. To clear this matter yet further, I observe,
that the light which first discovered this plenteous redemption, tho’
variously clouded, yet was never quite lost. A child of light is never
in utter darkness. He has, indeed, a summer’s sun, that shines longer,
brighter, and warmer; and his winter’s sun, which shines more faintly.
He has fair and rainy days; he has a changeable intercourse of day and
night: but light more or less, there is always.
♦ “attonement” replaced with “atonement”
10. Upon the whole, we may remark, 1. That we may heal our wounds
slightly; but it is God’s prerogative to speak solid peace. 2. That
considering our unbelief, and pride of heart, it is not easy to win a
sinner to believe, that the forgiveness, which is with God, is able to
answer all necessities. And when the soul is in some measure satisfied
with this and willing to come to God daily for grace and mercy, it is
not easy to keep up either a due abhorrence of sin, or a due sense of
that boundless mercy. *Yea, here lies one of the greatest secrets of
practical godliness, and the highest attainment in close walking with
God, to come daily and wash, and yet retain as high a value for this
discovery of forgiveness, as if it were only to be had once, and no
more. The more we see of it, the more, doubtless, we ought to value
it; whereas on the contrary, unless the utmost care be used, our hearts
turn formal, and count it a common thing. I observe, ♦3. That the joy
of the Lord is then only to be retained, when we walk tenderly and
circumspectly: being inconsistent not only with any gross sin, but with
any remissness of behaviour. And, lastly, That when I was at the lowest
ebb, I have often recovered myself by thankfulness. If you ask, What
I had then to be thankful for? I answer, I began thus: “What a mercy
is it I am out of hell! Blessed be the Lord for this.” Again: “What
a mercy is it, that he hath given me to see, and thank him for that
mercy! Blessed be the Lord for this likewise.” And thus I have gone on,
till he hath led me to a sense of his love, and restored comfort to my
soul.
♦ “5.” replaced with “3.”
♦CHAPTER III.
♦ “PART” replaced with “CHAPTER”
_A more particular account of his preceding doubts, concerning
the being of God, and deliverance from them._
1. I BEFORE mentioned the trials I had about the being of a God, almost
as soon as I had any concern about religion. But at first I had no
arguments, urged against it: only seeing this was the hinge on which
all religion turned, I found myself at a loss for evidence so clear and
strong, and convincing, as I thought necessary, with respect to a truth,
whereon so much weight was to be laid. I said, “Very great things are
demanded of me, and I am called to hope for great things; but, before,
I trust so far, I would know more of that God, in whom I am to trust.”
2. But afterwards, when I was more estrang’d from God, and intent upon
abstract subtleties, the devil took his opportunity, and said daily,
“Where is now thy God?” He then triumph’d, “Where is now that mouth,
with which thou hast so often reproached Atheists?” These are the
arguments they have; come forth then, try thy strength, and fight them.
3. Hereupon a sharp conflict began, in which I used various ways.
Sometimes I rejected his suggestions, and refused them a hearing.
Sometimes I tried to answer his arguments; but the longer I stood
arguing the case, I was always at the greater loss. Then I would wish
for a discovery of God himself; _O that I knew where I might find him_!
Whence the enemy failed not to infer, “If there was a God he would help
one, who was thus standing up for him, in such a strait.” Sometimes I
prayed, and though Satan urged me with the unreasonableness of praying
till I was sure there was a God; yet I always thought, “If there be one,
he can best satisfy me as to his own being.”
4. And he did satisfy me in part. 1. By clear discoveries of the
tendency of these temptations, _viz._ To cast reproach on all the
best and wisest of men, and to destroy the foundations of all human
happiness. 2. By some glimpses of his glory, even in the works of
creation. 3. By some beams of light from his word; and more than once,
in particular, by suggesting to my mind, with power, that answer of
the three children, _O |Nebuchadnezzar|, we are not careful to answer
thee in this matter. If it be so, our |God|, whom we serve, is able to
deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out
of thine hand. But if not, be it known unto thee, O King, that we will
not serve thy God, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up._
5. But yet I was not fully relieved; nothing but a discovery of God
could give a full defeat to Satan. But considering I was then an
unhumbled enemy, God could not have appeared otherwise than as an
enemy; and this my nature could not bear, I could not have thus seen
his face and lived. Wherefore he led me another way; he discovered sin
to me first, and thereby broke the force of the temptation; and having
humbled me, he then discovered himself in his glory in Christ Jesus.
*6. This it was which gave me full satisfaction, while God commanded
this light to shine on my mind, I could not desire a clearer proof
of his being; all his enemies fled before it: all the mountains of
opposition shook at the presence of the Lord, and were carried into the
midst of the sea. I had now manifold evidences of this glorious truth.
I had, 1. The evidence of sight: by the eye of faith I saw the glory
of God as represented in the word, shining with the clearest lustre:
it not only convinced me of its own reality, but that, in a manner,
nothing else was real. This sight gave me more consistent, becoming
notions of God, his nature and attributes, than ever I attained before,
and so shook the very foundations of those doubts which flowed purely
from my ignorance of his nature. 2. I had the evidence of the ear; I
heard him speak, and his voice sufficiently distinguished itself from
the voice of any creature. He first spoke terror to me from _Sinai_;
and when my soul was as the troubled sea, he said unto it, “Peace,
be still, and there was a great calm.” His words had light and power
peculiar to God with them, both when he spoke for me and against me:
they made me taste and see that the Lord is good, and that _blessed
is he that trusteth in him_. All my objections were solv’d. As to
the seeming inconsistency of his attributes, at the time that he
condescended to shew me his back-parts, he satisfied me, _that no man
can behold his face_. He gave me a view of his incomprehensibility,
which silenced all those suggestions. And as to the seeming disorders
in his government, a plain answer was, _He giveth account to none; his
way is in the sea; his paths in the great waters, and his footsteps are
not known_.
CHAPTER ♦IV.
♦ “II” replaced with “IV”
_A more ♦particular account of his preceding doubts concerning
the holy scriptures, and deliverance from them._
♦ “particlar” replaced with “particular”
1. THIS temptation, as observed before, did not attack me so soon as
the former; but it was managed in much the same way. Sometimes my mind
only hung in suspence, for want of a sufficient evidence. Sometimes I
was strangely harrassed with multiplied objections, either by the books
I read, the enemies of the word, with whom I conversed, or by Satan,
whose suggestions were far the most subtle, and most perplexing of all.
2. This trial was more grievous than even the former. These objections
were equally destructive of all religion, and were far more numerous,
more plausible, and entertained by persons of a fairer character.
Besides, the evidence of this truth lay farther from the reach of an
unenlightened mind.
3. I tried many ways to escape; besides prayer, and attending public
ordinances, I read many books writ in defence of the scriptures. And
this wanted not its use; I got a rational conviction of the truth,
and so was emboldened to plead for it against his enemies; and I found
answers to many particular objections, which encouraged me to wait for
full satisfaction. But that I found not yet: this being but the wisdom
of men, had not power to silence temptations, to enlighten me to see
the evidence of God in his word, or to give a relish for it to an
indisposed soul.
4. God began to break the force of this temptation, when his word
fastened a sense of guilt on my soul: though this rather extorted an
assent than induced to a chearful acquiescing therein, as coming from
God. But when he gave me that light which repelled all temptations,
which revived and comforted a soul bowed down before, I instantly
closed with his word as the word of life; I rejoiced as one that had
found a hid treasure; I was sweetly satisfied, that it came from him;
and that by many evidences: for,
_First_, All discoveries of guilt were made by it. God by this spoke
in my ear, sins which none save he who searcheth the heart, could know,
which I knew not, nor any creature else. By it the secrets of my heart
were manifest, so that I was compelled to own, that God was in it of
a truth; I could not but cry out, “Come, see a book which told me all
that ever I did. Is not this the book of God?”
_Secondly_, All the discoveries he made of his anger were made by the
holy scriptures; it was by them that his wrath was dropt into my soul,
and revealed from heaven against me. It was by the same that he let
in upon my soul the glorious discovery of his being, attributes, and
his whole will concerning my salvation by Jesus Christ. By the same he
conveyed all those quickening, converting, transforming, supporting,
composing influences, and let me see the other _wonders of his law;
excellent things in counsel and knowledge_. By this he was pleased to
reveal the craft, the power, the actings, and the designs of my enemies;
his own designs in my trials, and something of his secret designs in
many of his public administrations.
*_Thirdly_, As all these influences and discoveries were conveyed by
his word, so by the peculiar light and power that attended them, he
evidenced that his name was there. It taught, not as the greatest, the
wisest, the best of men; but with another sort of authority and weight;
it spake as never man spake. Whatever it said, my conscience stood to.
When it challenged me for what I knew not to be faults, no defences
availed; I was scarce sooner accused than arraigned, convicted,
condemned. In like manner when God hereby spoke peace, he created it.
The dead heard, and the hearer lived. Temptations after it spoke not
again. When I was self-destroyed, self-condemned, and cast hereby into
the greatest agony; yet whenever he sent his word, it healed me; my
soul was commanded to be at peace, and there ensued a glorious calm.
5. And ♦whereas my enemies had often asked me, how I could distinguish
the real among so many pretended revelations? God himself now gave me
a reply: _The prophet that hath a dream, let him tell a dream; and he
that hath my word, let him speak my word faithfully. What is the chaff
to the wheat, saith the Lord? Is not my word like as a fire? And like
a hammer, that breaketh the rock in pieces?_ Jeremiah xxiii. 28, 29.
And he was pleased particularly to speak those things, whereat I had
stumbled, to my soul, which both humbled me for my former unbelief,
and encouraged me to hope, that I should know other things hereafter
which I understood not now. Again he satisfied me as to many things,
that the time of knowing them was not yet; and that when he saw the
proper season to be come, he would shew me plainly of them. He let me
see his wisdom and goodness in thus training me up to dependance, for
learning of him what I knew not; and shewed me that it was my duty to
meditate in his law day and night, and to search the scriptures with
all humility; since _the secret of the Lord is only with those that
fear him, and he will shew none but them his covenant_.
♦ “wheareas” replaced with “whereas”
6. When after this I read the scriptures, and found not that powerful
light shining with that warming, quickning, dazzling glory, yet I
found an habitual light in my soul, whereby I could almost every where
discern part of the glory of the Lord; and by this I was over-awed,
and brought still to regard them as the word of God. A light was still
reflected on the whole scripture; and I was ordinarily enabled to
perceive, how worthy of him, and like himself, every thing was which
I read there, and by this abiding light I was capable of discerning
therein discoveries of the actings of sin and grace, with a penetration
and exactness beyond the reach of any, save, the omniscient and only
wise God.
CHAPTER V.
_Of some other temptations, and his deliverance from them._
1. I BEFORE shewed that when I was in doubt about the holy scriptures,
the devil often suggested to me, “how can you expect satisfaction in
these things, when men of so much greater abilities have sought it in
vain?” And this suggestion was often so violently urged, that I had no
spirit left in me.
2. But when God discovered himself to me in his own light, the force of
this temptation was utterly broken; though I had not a particular sight
of the weakness of it till I read (some time after) the three first
chapters of the first epistle to the _Corinthians_: the substance of
what God then shewed me was,
_First_, That his great design in the method of salvation he had chosen,
was to stain the pride of all human glory, _that no flesh might glory
in his sight, but he that glorieth might glory in the_ Lord. _Secondly_,
That a vain ambition to be wise above what God allowed, was the spring
and chief part of our apostacy from God; and still _vain man would be
wise; the Jews ask a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom_. _Thirdly_,
That in order to the attainment of the foregoing design, and to the
recovery of man from his apostacy it was plainly necessary, that
his ambition, being a flat opposition to his design, and a principal
part of his corruption, should be removed. It was requisite, That
God should _destroy the wisdom of the wise, and bring to nought the
understanding of the prudent_. _Fourthly_, God to vindicate his own
wisdom, reproached by this vain ambition of man, to fix an eternal
blot on human wisdom, and to discover his holy severity in punishing
this ambition, with the other wickednesses of vain man, suffered, _for
many ages, all nations to walk in their own ways_, and to try whether
they were better than God’s ways; whether they could supply the
defects which they fondly imagined God had made them with, or relieve
themselves from the misery of their apostacy, and the event answered
the design of his wisdom and justice, and the desert of them who
made the attempt. For after the fruitless endeavours of four thousand
years, _The world by wisdom knew not God_. They missed the mark, _their
foolish hearts were darkened; seeking to be wise, they became fools_;
instead of getting their eyes opened to see more than God allowed,
they could see nothing but their own nakedness; and so imperfect were
their discoveries even of that, they imagined fig-leaves would cover
it. _Fifthly_, after they had spent the time allotted for shewing the
vanity of their own wisdom; God, in the depth of his compassion stepped
in to their relief; and in order thereto, was pleased to pitch upon
a way quite opposite to all wisdom of foolish man. He chose not _the
enticing words of man’s wisdom_, or eloquence; it was not suitable to
the truth of God, to use that mean art, whereby the judgments of men
are led blindfold in subjection to their passions. He made no choice of
artificial reasonings, the other eye of human wisdom. It did not become
the majesty of God to dispute men into a compliance with his will. And
although he wrought signs to awaken the attention of a drowsy world,
to gain respect to his ambassadors, to strengthen the faith of weak
believers, and to cut off every plea from unbelief: yet he chose not
them chiefly to convert and recover the world, being unwilling so to
derrogate from his word, as if the word of God were not, upon its own
evidence, worthy the acceptation of all rational creatures. _Sixthly_,
God having rejected all these, made use of the _foolishness of
preaching_: that is, a plain declaration of his will in his name, _in
the demonstration of the spirit and power_, by men commissioned by him
for that purpose. Now this was a means every way worthy of God. Man had
believed the devil rather than God; the devil seemed to have gained a
great advantage, by persuading man in his integrity to credit him and
discredit God. God now cast back the shame on him, by engaging fallen
man to renounce the devil, and give up Satan and all that adher’d
to him. And further to manifest his design, as he made use of the
foolishness of preaching, so he chose for his ambassadors, not the
learned disputers of the world, but foolish, weak, illiterate men,
that by things which in appearance _are not, he might bring to nought
those that are_. _Lastly_, To lay man lower yet, that _the Lord alone
might be exalted_, he chose not for his people such as the world would
have thought stood fairest for mercy; but he chose, for the general,
the most miserable and contemptible of mankind; _Not many wise, not
many noble, not many mighty are called; but God hath chosen the foolish
things of this world to confound the wise_.
*3. Hence God shewed me, that it was to be expected, and was indeed
inevitable, that a great opposition, should be every where made to
his gospel; that this opposition would principally be by pretenders
to wisdom, and learned men; that their objections must be against
all the concernments of the gospel, the matter, manner, means of it;
all being opposite to their expectation, and that therefore it was
no wonder to see some stumble at the cross, some at the preaching,
some at the preachers; that it was to be expected their objections
would be specious, as being suited to the wisdom of men, the natural
apprehension of all who were not brought to a compliance with the grand
design of God. _Lastly_, That it was impossible for any man, who was
not brought to be a fool in his own eyes, to be wise in the things
of God, or to discern and approve of the conduct of God in this whole
matter.
4. Upon this discovery I was fully satisfied, that the opposition of
learned men, and their unsuccessfulness in their enquiries, was so far
from being a just prejudice to, that it was a strong confirmation of
the truths of religion; and on the other hand, that though they were,
in the wisdom of God, hid from the wise and prudent, yet babes might
have a clear discovery thereof, because it had pleased the father to
reveal these things to them.
5. Another common objection, which had made, at some times, a
considerable impression upon my mind, was, that the scriptures are
contrary to reason. I shall just point at the springs of my relief.
_First_, I was long before fixed in a deep, rational conviction of
the shortness of human knowledge, and that there was no truth which we
receive, whether upon the evidence of metaphysical, mathematical, or
moral principles, or even on the evidence of our senses, against which
there lay not insoluble objections. Yet no man questioned those truths;
nor though we endeavoured it ever so much, could we doubt of many
of them. And as this was one of the most considerable fruits of my
studies in philosophy, so it was of use to me many ways; it made me see
through the vanity of that pretence against the truths revealed by God,
that there lie unanswerable objections against them. This I plainly
saw ought not to shake my assent, if I found sufficient evidence for
them; especially as I was convinced, ’twas reasonable to expect more
inextricable difficulties about truths supernaturally revealed than
others, since they lie farther out of our reach. Therefore, when any
such occurred, I was led rather to suspect my own ignorance than the
truths of God.
*_Secondly_, God had before fixed in me the faith of his
incomprehensibility, and fully convinced me, that I could not know him
to perfection. He let me see, that _his ways are not our ways_, so that
I durst not any more attempt to measure him, or his ways, by my short
line, but in all things I relied in the resolution of his word. _To
the law and to the testimony_ I brought all, and where that clearly
interposed, my soul was now taught fully to acquiesce in, and stand to
its determination.
_Thirdly_, When the enemy strongly attacked any particular truth, and I
could not instantly solve his objections, I was much relieved by a view
of the multiplied testimonies of the word, all running the same way.
And when by consulting interpreters, especially critics, I was darkened
rather than cleared, I had recourse to the scope of the words, and the
plain meaning that first occurred, with an humble dependance on God for
his light.
*_Fourthly_, If for a time, by the subtle perversion of some scriptures,
I could not find the true meaning of them, the analogy of faith staid
my mind, till I could recover those particular passages out of the
enemy’s hand. When God manifested himself to me, he gave me a view of
his whole design in the revelation he had made of himself, and of the
harmonious consent and concurrence of all the doctrines of the gospel,
in promoting that design. He shewed me likewise, how the end and the
means were so closely linked together, that one of these truths could
not be overturned, but all the rest would follow. Whenever therefore
any of them was controverted, its connexion with the other truths,
uniformly and plainly attested by the current of scripture, presented
itself; and my mind was satisfied, this could not fall without they
all fell together. This I take to be the analogy of faith, and herein
I often took sanctuary.
6. I before mentioned what a continual bondage I was long in, through
fear of death; I shall now give some account of my relief from this
also.
_First_, The Lord’s mercy manifested in Christ freed me from this
spirit of bondage, and gave me a taste of the liberty of the sons of
God. He in great measure removed the grounds whereon I most feared it,
_viz._ Sin the sting of death, and want of evidence about the reality
of future things.
_Secondly_, Whereas there still continued some fear upon a near
prospect of it, I was much relieved by God’s promise, that we should
_not be tempted above what we are able to bear_, especially when I
recollected my former experience. I remember one day in particular,
I was opprest with fear of death, when God mercifully suggested to me,
“Hast thou not shrunk under the remote prospect of other trials, and
yet been carried through them? Why shouldst thou distrust him as to
future trials, who hath so often helped thee in time of need?” I then
considered, it is no way proper that God should give his grace before
our trial comes: but rather that he should keep us humble and dependent
by reserving it in his own hand, and teach us to submit to his wisdom,
as to the measure and time of performing his own promises. And I have
ever since rested in this faith, that _the Lord is a God of judgment,
and that blessed are all they who wait on him_; not doubting either
his faithfulness as to the accomplishment of his promises, or judgment
as to the right timing and measuring them, in proportion to our
necessities. Hereupon I rest to this day; I dare not say I am ready
to die; I dare not say I have faith or grace sufficient to carry me
through death; I dare not say I have no fear of death: but this I say,
there is sufficient grace laid up for me in the promise; there is a
throne of grace to have recourse to; and there is a God of judgment,
who will not with-hold it, when it is really the time of need.
PART IV.
CHAPTER I.
_Of his entrance upon the ministry, and behaviour at |Ceres|._
1. WHEN I was under the violent strugglings before-mentioned, I had
laid aside all thoughts of the ministry; for I could not entertain a
thought of preaching to others what I did not believe myself. But now
the scene being changed, I was, after long deliberation and fervent
prayer, determined to comply with my mother’s desire (who had devoted
me from my childhood to this work) with the advice of my most pious
friends, the importunity of many others, and the motions of my own
heart. For I had a lively sense of the strong obligation laid upon me,
to lay out myself in the service of my good master, and I thought the
nearer my employment related to him, the happier it would be.
2. Accordingly on _May 1, 1700_, I entered into holy orders, and
_May 5_, began my ministry at _Ceres_. From this time he prepared
his ♦sermons with much secret prayer, for a blessing thereon, both to
himself and his hearers. His practice also was, exactly to review and
remark his behaviour in public duties; what assistance and enlargement
of heart he obtained, and what concern for the souls of his hearers.
When he fell short, it was matter of humiliation to him; when he was
assisted, of greater gratitude and watchfulness.
♦ “ser-sermons” replaced with “sermons”
3. Knowing he was to watch over souls, as one that must give account,
he had the weight of this charge much upon his spirit: he therefore
laboured to know the state of the souls of his flock, that he might
be able to guide them according to their particular cases. In order
thereto he was diligent in visiting all the families within his
parish, in instructing his people by catechizing, and in marking
their proficiency in the knowledge of the gospel. Especially, before
administring the Lord’s supper, he conversed severally with those who
desired to partake thereof, to try what sense they had of real religion;
what influence the word of God had had upon them: and what fruits
of it were in their hearts and lives, that he might deal with their
consciences accordingly.
4. Take an instance of this in his own words: _July 8, 1703_. “I have
now spent about a month in converse with my people, and I observe the
few following things:”
*_First_, “That of three or four hundred persons there were not above
forty who had not at one time or other been more or less awakened,
though with far the greater part it came to no length. Whence it is
plain, that God leaves not himself without witness, even in the bosom
of his enemies, but sooner or later so far touches the hearts of all
men, as will dreadfully enhance the guilt of those, who put out the
light, and quench his Spirit.”
*_Secondly_, “That some of those whom it has pleased God to awaken
by my ministry, promise more than flowers, even fruit: and that most
acknowledge, that the word comes nearer them daily, which makes me
ashamed of my own negligence, and astonished at the goodness of God,
who blesses my weak labours notwithstanding.”
_Thirdly_, “That though God may make use of the words of man, in
letting us into the meaning of the scriptures, yet ’tis ordinarily the
very scripture-word whereby he conveys any comfort or advantage.”
5. Hearing about this time of some who ♦were much swayed by good people,
in dark steps of their ministerial work, I was satisfied in the evident
clearness of the following rules:
♦ duplicate word “were” removed
*_First_, That it is very dangerous to lay much stress on the
apprehensions of the best of people, as to what may be sin or duty in
things that belong not to their station; for the promise of the Spirits,
teachings belongs not to them, as to what may concern a minister’s
station. Therefore, it is safer to desire their prayers, that God would,
according to his promise, discover to us what is our duty, than to
learn them to step out of their stations, and advise in things that
belong not to them.
*_Secondly_, In consulting others for light, great regard should be
had to the different talents of men; in matters of soul-exercise, most
regard should be had to those whom God has fitted with endowments that
way; in matters of government most regard should be had to those whom
he has fitted that way.
_Thirdly_, The holiest men are most likely to know God’s mind; but
to know who are the holiest, we must consider, not only what men’s
behaviour, but what their temptations are. For one in whom less appears
may indeed have more grace, than another who seems to have more; when
the one is continually plunged in floods of temptation, and the other
is free from them.
*Observe, _Fourthly_, That ministers are commonly more shaken about
the truths of religion, than about their own state: but the people,
more about their own state, than about the truths of religion. And
as ministers are assisted to clear the people as to what they are
straitened about; so are the people often enabled to help their
ministers, as to what occasions their uneasiness. Thus they mutually
excel and are excelled, to humble both, and keep both in their stations.
As to the clearing up our duty in doubtful cases, observe, _Lastly_,
That there is ever a bias to one way or the other; that we must seek
to have this removed, and cry to God to bring our hearts to equal
willingness to take either or neither way; that when this is attained,
we must use our best reason, and take the way that appears most proper,
though still crying to him, that he would put a stop to us, if we
be out of the road. If he afforded light in any other particular way
we must use it, still taking care, to seek light soberly, to use it
tenderly, and to be wary in the application of it.
6. _July 2, 1702._ God about this time giving me somewhat of a revival
from a long deadness, I think myself concerned to take notice of
the means by which I obtained this benefit. And, 1. It was signally
promoted by converse with zealous Christians. I found, that _as iron
sharpeneth iron, so doth the countenance of a man his friend_. 2. By
some heavy strokes laid upon me. 3. By terrible providences to the
public. 4. By some papers seasonably brought to my hands, containing
the exercise of some real Christians, wherein I saw how far short I
was of them, and also not a few of the causes of my sadly withered
and decayed state. 5. By some discovery of the vanity ♦of my sweetest
enjoyments. And, Lastly, By God’s leading me to some subjects, which I
chose for others, wherein I found my own case remarkably touched.
♦ duplicate word “of” removed
7. _March 12, 1705._ I was far out of order; “Lord pity and shine upon
me.” At night I was somewhat refreshed in family-worship. In meditation
hereon I saw unbelief was the root of all my misery. I was broken on
account of it; I cried to God for relief, “O manifest thyself to my
soul!” I was much grieved, that at a time when so many strange evils
abound, there should be so strange a stupidity ♦on my spirit, that I
could not mourn for the dishonour done to God. I cried for a spirit of
supplication and repentance.
♦ “of” replaced with “on” per Errata
8. _April 17, 1705._ I was much disordered in body; but about seven at
night I was a little relieved. Yet bowing my knees to prayer I was full
of perplexity; the Lord hid himself, and my spirit was overwhelmed. But
meeting with that scripture, _Having therefore, brethren, boldness to
enter into the holiest by the blood of_ Jesus, _by a new and living way,
which he hath consecrated for us, through the veil, that is to say, his
flesh_; I found my mind composed; but, O, that it were with me as in
months past!
9. _February 24, 1706._ Being the Lord’s day, I was sore shaken in the
morning about the truths of God, but came to peace as to what I was
to preach, in three things. “Lord thou hast fully satisfied me,” that
1. All other courses to satisfaction in our great concern, besides that
of the gospel, are utterly vain and unsatisfactory. 2. That supposing
the truth of the gospel, there is a plenary security as to all I can
desire in time or in eternity. And ♦3. That it can be only the wretched
unbelief of my heart that makes me ever hesitate concerning the truth
of it, seeing I have full evidence for it, far beyond what in other
things would absolutely cut off all hesitation. I will look then for
faith to the author of it: Lord I believe! help thou mine unbelief!
Thou hast so fixed me in the belief of these three truths, that no
temptation hath been able to shake me.
♦ “5” replaced with “3”
10. In the spring, 1707. Some of the followers of Mrs. _Bourignon_
coming into his parish, he laboured to guard his people against the
infection of their specious errors. A short account whereof he gives
in the following words:
_April 20, 1707_: This day the Lord directed me to strike at the root
of the prevailing delusion, in opposition to which I taught.
_First_, That true holiness will not admit ♦of leaving out some duties,
whereas the devotees, while they withdraw from the world, omit the
unquestionable duties both of general usefulness among men, and of
diligence in their particular callings.
♦ duplicate word “of” removed
_Secondly_, That holiness consists not in a strict observance of rules
of our own invention, such as most of theirs are.
_Thirdly_, That whatever holiness those profess, who neglect the
ordinances of God, none can reasonably conclude, that they are
influenced by the authority of the Lord Jesus, for the same authority
binds to the one as well as the other.
_Lastly_, That the most effectual inducement to universal obedience, is
a sense that our sins are forgiven us, still kept fresh upon our souls,
and a constant improvement of the blood of Christ by faith.
11. _January 11, 1708._ In the morning I arose greatly indisposed with
a looseness. Before church I was somewhat relieved, but immediately
after sermon, seized with vomiting. Lord, lead me to some suitable
improvement!
*_January 12._ Was a day set apart for examining the state of my
soul; chiefly on these heads. 1. Are daily sins, and sins of infirmity,
searched, observed, weighed, mourned for? And do I exercise faith
distinctly, in order to the pardon of them? 2. Does the impression
of the necessity and excellency of Christ’s blood decay? Are the
experiences of its life and efficacy distinct as before? 3. Am I formal
in worship? In secret, family, public prayer? Desiring blessing on
meat, returning thanks? Meditation and reading? 4. Is there due concern
for the flock? Singleness and diligence in ministerial duties, prayers
for them? &c. 5. Is there sympathy with afflicted saints and churches?
6. Is the voice of the rod heard, calling to deniedness to relations,
even the dearest? Deniedness to the world? To life? Preparation for
death? Spirituality in duty?
12. _October 12, 1709._ Being seized with a violent flux and griping,
yet God kept me submissive, without repining; and brought me to commit
the disposal of all to him, crying for a removal of any aversion to
his will. And as to my ministry, tho’ I felt much remorse for the want
of wrestling with God, for the success of his word among the people,
yet it was refreshing that I durst say in the sight of God, that I was
really concerned to know the truth; that I kept back none which might
be profitable for them: that I preached what I resolved to venture my
soul on, and that I desired to preach home to their consciences.
CHAPTER II.
_Of his marriage, and conduct in his family._
1. WHEN God convinced me, that it was not meet I should be alone, he
also dearly convinced me, that _a prudent wife is from the Lord_.――I
looked therefore and cried to, and waited on him for direction, with
that eminent freedom and preparation of heart, which gave a fixed hope
he would incline his ear, and bless me in my choice.
2. The command, _Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers_, was so
strongly imprest on my soul, that no prospect of outward advantage
could have swayed me to chuse one void of the fear of God. But whether
to chuse on the testimony of others, or from personal acquaintance, I
could not easily determine.
3. At last inclining to think a personal acquaintance necessary, I
pitched on one who appeared suitable to me; and who falling at that
time under some unusual concern about religion, which she imparted to
me, it looked like a providential clearing of the way; on which, I too
hastily proceeded in the proposal. Yet I never durst pray absolutely
for success, but had great freedom in praying that God would direct:
and that if it were not for my good, my way might be hedged in, and my
design effectually disappointed. Mean while she carried on an intrigue
with another, to whom she was soon after clandestinely married.
4. Another marriage was proposed to me some time after. In the
beginning of this affair, _March 1700_, I was confident to meet with
a disappointment; whereon I resolved to quit it, and did so for some
time. But God, by one means or other, broke all my designs of turning
away. He visibly interposed his providence, gave fresh opportunities,
directed me to means I had never before thought of, and reconciled
those to it, from whom I expected the strongest opposition.
5. Yet after I had the greatest encouragement to proceed, I met with
discouragements again: this was follow’d by new encouragement when I
least expected it: and by this variety of success, I was kept low as
to my thoughts of myself, and wholly dependent on God for the event.
6. _December 13._ This forenoon I set apart for prayer: and being to
address God with regard to my proposal of marriage, I began the work
with an enquiry into my own state. Upon this enquiry, I found,
_First_, With respect to God, I was under a full conviction, _that life
was in his favour_, nay, _that his loving-kindness is better than life
itself_. That any interest in his favour is utterly impossible, without
respect had to a mediator: God being holy, I unholy; God a consuming
fire, I a sinner meet to be consum’d: that God out of mere love has
been pleased to send into the world Jesus Christ, as the mediator
through whom sinners might regain his favour.
_Secondly_, With respect to Christ, nothing has been able (since
it was first given me) to shake my full conviction of the following
particulars: that Jesus Christ is such a Saviour as it became the
goodness, justice, wisdom, and power of God to provide; and such as
became the desires and needs of sinners, as being sufficient _to save
all that come to_ God _through him_, and that _to the uttermost, his
blood_ being able _to cleanse from all sin_, his power _to subdue all
things to himself_, and his Spirit _to lead into all truth_: that I
need him in all his offices; there being no time when I durst once
think of parting them: God knows that my heart is as much reconciled to
his kingly as to his priestly office, and that it would for ever damp
me, had he not power to captivate _every thought to the obedience_ of
himself; that all my hope of freedom from that darkness which is my
burden, is from Christ’s prophetical office; and my hope of freedom
from the guilt and power of sin, arises from his priestly and kingly
offices. In one word, I have no hope of any mercy in time or eternity,
but through him. ’Tis through him I expect all, from the least drop of
water to the immense riches of his glory.
_Thirdly_, With respect to this law, notwithstanding my frequent
breaches of it, I dare take God to witness, that I count all his
commandments concerning all things, to be holy, and just, and good;
insomuch that I would not desire any alteration in any, and least of
all in those which most cross my inclinations: that I desire inward,
universal conformity to them all, and that in the spiritual meaning
and extent, as reaching all thoughts, words, and actions, and even the
minutest circumstances of them. _Lastly_, That since the commencement
of this affair particularly, I have seen a peculiar beauty in the law,
as exemplified in the life of our Lord; more especially in his absolute
submission to the divine will, even in those things which were most
contrary to his innocent nature. And though I could scarce reach this
submission at some times, yet I earnestly desired it, I look’d upon it
as exceedingly amiable, and condemned myself so far as I came short of
it.
7. As to the whole, my spirit was in a calm and composed frame: but
contrary to my positive resolution, and under fears of a refusal, I was
carried out to be more peremptory than usual as to the success. Yea,
when I was in the most submissive frame, I was more peremptory as to
the event, than when my heart was most eagerly set upon it.
8. _January 7, 1701_, was a day set apart by us both, to be kept with
fasting and prayer, for obtaining a blessing on our marriage. I began
it with prayer, wherein I endeavoured to trace back sin to my very
infancy. Lord, I have been in all sin: not one of thy commands but I
have broken in almost all instances; save in the outward acts, and from
them, O Lord, only thy free grace restrained me.
*I now again solemnly devoted myself to him, in this new relation I
was to enter upon; beseeching that he would not contend with either
of us, for the sins of our single life; that he would make us holy,
and bless us in this new state, fitting us every way for one another.
In my second address to God by prayer, he gave me much sweetness and
enlargement (blessed be his goodness) in reference to that particular,
for which I set apart this day. When _he prepareth our hearts to pray,
his ear hearkeneth thereto_.
This day I again searched into my state, and found these evidences
of the Lord’s work in my soul: 1. He hath given me by his Spirit some
discovery of the innumerable sins of every period of my life, and
especially of the root of all, the inexpressible corruption of my
nature: 2. He has discovered to me the vanity of all those reliefs
nature leads to, with regard to the guilt of sin; he hath made me
see, that my own works cannot save me, and, I hope, taken me off from
resting upon them; for under trouble, occasioned by sin, nothing but
Christ could quiet me: the view of my own works only increased it. And
God, when he assisted me most therein, so guarded me against this, that
he then always opened my eyes to see a world of sin in them; insomuch
that I have as earnestly desired to be saved from my best duties, as
ever I did from my worst sins: and whenever my heart inclined to lay
some stress on duties spiritually perform’d, God stirred up in my soul
a holy jealousy over my heart in this particular. 3. As to the power
of sin, he hath brought me to an utter despair of relief from my own
prayers, vows, or resolutions. 4. He hath been pleased to determine
me to chuse the gospel-way of salvation, by resting on Christ for
righteousness, sanctification, and redemption; as a way full of
admirable mercy and wisdom; a way of great peace and security to
sinners, and best suited to give glory to God. Upon these grounds, I
conclude, that the Lord hath wrought faith in me, and will compleat my
salvation. And because he hath determined me to chuse him, therefore I
dare call him my God, my Saviour, my Sanctifier.
On _January 23, 1701_, he was accordingly married at _Edinburgh_, to
_Janet Watson_, daughter of Mr. _David Watson_, of _St. Andrews_. By
her he had nine children, three sons and six daughters, of whom one son
and five daughters survived him.
8. In _March, 1705_, his then youngest child fell into a languishing
illness: concerning whom he writes thus: “_April 11._ My child died:
blessed be God, I have had a child to give at his call; and blessed be
the Lord, that he helped me to give her willingly.”
In _March 1712_, his son _George_ fell ill: I had often says he, given
all my children up to God, and now it pleased him to try me in the
tenderest point, whether I would stand to my resignation. I could not
find freedom in a asking for his life, but much, in crying for mercy
for him. Yet I cannot say, but the burthen was great upon me, till
communing with a friend about the state of the church and religion,
concern for God’s interest got the ascendant over that for my own, and
from that time I found comfort: *and the nearer he was to his end, the
more loosed I was from him, and the more chearful was my resignation:
so that before his death, prayers were almost made up of praises, and
he was set off with thanksgiving.
CHAPTER III.
_Of his removal to St. |Andrews|._
1. THE place of professor of divinity in the university of St.
_Andrews_ being vacant, her Majesty’s patent was procured for him:
upon which he made the following reflection: “This seems to be of
the Lord, for it was without so much as a thought in me; yet were all
obstructions removed, all attempts for others crossed, and my spirit
so held that I durst not oppose it, but was obliged to submit to the
desires of those who were the most competent judges.”
2. Accordingly, _April 26, 1710_, he was by the principal of the
college admitted into his professorship. But he enjoyed little health
in that office: for in the beginning of _April, 1711_, he was suddenly
seized with a violent pleurisy, which obliged his physicians to take
from him a large quantity of blood; and although he was relieved
from the disease, he never recovered his strength, by reason of the
indisposition of his stomach, and frequent vomitings. Hereupon ensued,
♦in the following winter, a coldness, swelling and stiffness in his
legs, with frequent and very painful cramps. But besides his bodily
illness, the grievances of the church did not a little add to his
trouble: especially the imposing the oath of abjuration upon ministers,
which he feared might have fatal effects, from the difference of their
sentiments, concerning the lawfulness of it. His advice upon it was,
that after all due information, every one should act according to
the light he had. But what he most of all inculcated was, that their
differing about the meaning of an expression therein, gave no just
ground for any alienation of affection, much less for separation,
either amongst ministers or people.
♦ duplicate word “in” removed
The End of the TENTH VOLUME.
ERRATA, Volume X.
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